Burning at Both Ends - pacific1989 (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Every year as October rolled around and brought those 2 perfect months of fall with it, Kate Sharma was reminded why she loved New York City. She had moved here for business school almost four years ago and it was easy to get caught up in the claustrophobia of the city -- like right now for example as she was shoved back and forth in a crowded club on the Lower East Side -- and forget that she loved it here.

On her walk over to the club from the subway, she had taken a few deep breaths and tried to remember the way she’d felt strolling around her neighborhood this afternoon after work. The air had been tinged with just enough of a chill that she could see her breath as the sun hung low in the sky bathing her brownstone block in pale ochre light. She loved how the leaves on the trees lining her Brooklyn neighborhood changed from the lush, verdant green of summer to the heady crimson of fall before dropping without ceremony across the stoops and sidewalks.

That perfect autumn afternoon now felt eons away as she stood on her tiptoes to see if she could spot the bartender over the sea of people.

Typically, a nightclub was the last place you’d find Kate on a Friday night. A glass of wine in her tiny backyard catching up with friends? Sure. An icy gin martini and live music at the jazz bar down the street from her apartment? Definitely. A club where the air was hot and hazy, the drinks overpriced, and the music too loud to even hear herself think? Not as much.

It wasn’t as if she didn’t like to have fun, but right now she was focused. The last 6 months had been grueling. She’d been fighting tooth and nail to prove herself before the selection for Partner at her consulting firm happened at the end of December. It had been months of slinking home from the office well past 10pm and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had an evening to herself. Now, faced with a free Friday, this club - ironically named Home Sweet Home - wasn’t top of her list of places to spend an evening. But, if anything, Kate was true to her word. She had made this plan with her sister Edwina well over a month ago and spending two hours here under sensory assault was better than the surefire verbal abuse she would’ve faced if she’d tried to bail.

The bass of the music thrummed, vibrating across her skin as she craned her neck, trying to get the bartender’s attention. The dance floor had a life of its own - bodies pulsing, entangled in one another, illuminated under the otherworldly purple light dripping from the ceiling. The occasional strobe light pulsed like a camera clicking - freezing limbs twisting in the dark - and then stopped suddenly, the dance floor writhing to life again.

Kate eyed the bartender as she waited for him to return with her gin & tonic. Again her mind drifted to a martini and the serene silence that might accompany it. Gin & tonic was a better option at a place like this. It was pretty hard to screw up and preferably instead of savoring it in sips it would be down her throat and gone in less than 5 minutes.

She turned to Edwina who was already sipping her drink smugly, her eyes rimmed with purple glitter eyeliner that Kate recognized as a Christmas present from last year.

“Kate, humor me and at least pretend like you’re having a good time.” Edwina said with a smirk. Here we go. She and Edwina went around in circles having the same conversation in what felt like a monotonous loop.

Kate rolled her eyes, trying not to let the impatience creep into her voice. “I am having a good time. I’d just like to get my drink. Preferably before midnight.”

Edwina laughed without looking convinced. Kate scanned the bar again, getting impatient. The bartender was all the way on the other side of the bar, flirting with a blonde and taking far too long getting back here with her gin.

He finally handed the woman her drink and turned around, right in her eye line. Finally . She was about to lock eyes with him when a man stepped in front of her, effectively cutting her off as he raised two fingers to the bartender, signaling another round.

Hot frustration flooded through her. His back was to her, but she didn’t need to see his face to know his type. Pristine blue oxford rolled up at the sleeves and understated but undeniably expensive watch on his wrist screamed entitled finance bro. She didn’t know him, but she might as well have. Had been on dozens of projects with this kind of guy - entitled, self righteous, condescending. As much as she loathed to admit it she had also gone through a phase of dating quite a few of them in business school and beyond. That attitude followed them right into the bedroom and it was even less pleasant there.

“Excuse me,” she tapped on his shoulder with probably more malice than was needed.

He turned around and god damnit her stomach bottomed out for a split second as their eyes met. He was a couple inches taller than her, with dark almost mischievous eyes and thick dark hair that stood almost straight up as he raked a hand through it. He was looking at her curiously and she remembered she was supposed to be pissed off.

“I’ve been standing here waiting and you just cut me off.” She said, hoping the frustration was clear in her voice.

She tried her hardest to not meet his eyes -- it was hard to focus on being angry when he had the audacity to simply exist looking like that. He did have the decency, however, to look genuinely apologetic.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you there, honestly.” Internally she rolled her eyes as she clocked his accent. Of course he’s British. She found the one British guy in this entire club. She might be living in New York for the time being, but Kate couldn’t deny the attraction she felt , albeit, against her will at hearing that lilt in his voice that sounded so much like home.

“It’s fine,” She tried not to let a smile emerge, “Do you mind if I get my drink now though?” He was still standing directly in her way.

He put both hands up defensively and moved to step to the side. “Please go ahead.”

“I will.” Kate didn’t move and he looked amused. A small smile played on his lips.

“I’m not stopping you.” Why did it sound like a challenge?

“Great.”

She shook her head get a grip Kate and moved to slide by him just as the crowd jostled her roughly, shoving her directly into his chest as she lost her balance. Instinctually, Kate’s hands went up to his shoulders to steady herself. He caught her easily and all of a sudden there wasn’t enough space between them. He was crowding her -- one hand on her hip, the other splayed on her waist to support her. She tried to ignore the heat of his chest inches from hers, the slightly possessive feeling of his hands on her body that she knew she must be imagining. His face was way too close. He smiled again, tentatively.

“Thank you,” She barely got it out. Taking in air felt difficult. She took a step back, gesturing to the bar.

“I’m just going to…” Kate trailed off, turning her back to him as she shoved through the bodies and thank god the bartender was right there waiting. She asked for her drink, turning briefly to see if he was still there behind her. He had disappeared into the crowd and she felt a pang of something that felt suspiciously like regret.

Kate took a long swig as the bartender set the drink down in front of her. The gin burned her throat as she gave herself a second before looking for her sister. What was that? Kate wasn’t the type to be caught off kilter by a man, let alone a man in a nightclub who essentially had done nothing but cut her in line and look at her with that perfect face and touch her with those hands . She shook her head, swallowing more of her drink and scanning the crowd for Edwina.

“There you are!” A hand touched her forearm as Edwina appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

“Sorry, there are about 1,000 people here and it took forever to flag the bartender down.” Not entirely untrue. Edwina rolled her eyes.

“Don’t sound so enthused. I dragged you here not as a punishment, but to remind you that there’s life out here,” Edwina gestured to the dance floor as Kate raised a skeptical eyebrow. “More life than just work and clients and contracts.”

It was easy for Edwina to say that life was more than work -- she was firmly still in her post-college, decisions-have-no-consequences phase. Kate remembered the dizzying sense of possibility she had felt when she first moved to New York -- she had been just as intoxicated by the vitality as Edwina clearly was. Kate wouldn’t deny that she envied her sister just a little bit.

“Eddie, I know I know. We have been over this…” She took another big sip, “...and over this multiple times. You know I’m working towards Partner and I’m not going to do anything right now to jeopardize that.”

“So you admit you’re a workaholic?”

Kate laughed, shaking her head at her sister’s persistence.

“If I admit that, will it get you off my back and we can leave?”

Her sister glared at her playfully, “Ha. No,” Worth a shot, “Not until we dance. This night is for you. I know you’re nervous about that new project, but you need to stop and celebrate your successes once in a while.”

Kate took another sip of her drink but cracked a smile. She had to admit that celebrating her successes wasn’t her strong suit. She had gone from a full ride to Oxford, to admission to business school at Columbia, to an offer at one of the most prestigious consulting firms in New York without really skipping a beat. It was hard to imagine that it had been 4 years since she moved from London and 2 already since Edwina had joined her after graduating from college herself.

“Seems counterintuitive to go out and celebrate before the project even kicks off.”

“Eh,” Edwina shrugged and a part of Kate knew she wasn’t wrong. She was leading this project, her biggest as a senior manager and the last one she would get to run before the Partner decision was made in December. It was her last shot to impress the board, but Kate did have to admit that it wasn’t as if she hadn’t already worked her ass off since she joined the firm. If she was going to be terribly logical, she could admit to herself that one Friday night wasn’t going to be a critical factor in this decision.

“You know what? You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Edwina said smugly.

Kate draped an arm around her sister’s shoulders. “One night isn’t going to kill me.”

“I think we need shots,” Kate raised a finger, making eye contact with the bartender and crooking a finger in a ‘come here’ motion.

Edwina’s eyebrows raised, “Well that was a one-eighty, but I’m into it.”

Kate smiled winningly at the bartender as he poured the tequila, not missing the way his eyes slid across her body, lingering on the long expanse of bare thigh displayed in the black leather skirt she’d dug out from the back of her closet. That was something Kate had missed -- the thrill of eyes on her. It wasn’t as if she had been celibate over the past year. Far from it actually. That was the joy -- well maybe joy was too strong of a word -- convenience of being single in New York at the age of 29 in a world of dating apps. Someone was always just a swipe away.

It had been an easy pattern over the last few months. Work all weekend, see friends in the evening if she was able to, set up a date with one of the multiple men she had in rotation. She wasn’t above scratching that itch and even had a guy named Ryan who was a friend with benefits in the truest sense of the word who she saw every couple of weeks. However, Kate had long ago put dating and love and romance far down on the priority list. There were much more important things right now. Nevertheless, the bartender’s clear admiration was flattering and harmless so she smiled wider at him and saw Edwina gawking at her from the corner of her eye.

“It’s on the house,” The bartender told her, winking as he set the shots down in front of them.

Edwina picked hers up looking at her sister with skepticism.

“Wow where did that come from?”

Kate shrugged, not quite sure herself as she licked the back of her hand, pouring the salt across her skin. She smiled down at her sister, linking arms with her as they clicked their shot glasses together, throwing back the tequila with a ferocity that vitalized her.

Maybe it was that she did feel more than a little proud of kicking off this project or that in the back of her head she knew she had been working her ass off for the past year or that she was tired of her sister accusing her of being no fun. It might have been the darkness of the club with the shot of tequila she had just downed and it quite possibly might be the tension she still felt thrumming through her from her earlier encounter with him , but something was making her feel a little bit uninhibited.

“Eddie, we’re going to dance --”

“Hell yeah we are!”

“But first, I need to run to the bathroom!” Her sister narrowed her eyes, wiping the tequila off her lips on the back of her hand.

“Fine, but if you’re not back in 5 minutes, I’m dragging you back out here.”

Kate smiled, leaning down to kiss her sister on the cheek, “Lighten up Eddie.”

“That’s rich!” Her sister yelled to her back as Kate weaved her way to the bathroom between scantily clad bodies bathed in purple light.

The bathroom was as loud as the dance floor, doors slamming, the clatter of high heels, the smell of weed wafting from one of the stalls.

As Kate dried her hands, she took a look at herself in the mirror. She ran a hand through her hair, fluffing the curls that she’d let loose from the braid she usually kept them in. In her leather skirt, body skimming long sleeved blouse, and boots, she looked like she belonged here. There were moments when she looked at her reflection and felt an odd sense of dissonance from who she was -- disciplined, serious, responsible, accountable -- and the reflection that looked back at her. There were days when she wanted so much to just be this woman, messy hair and sweaty skin and nothing holding her back.

Sometimes she got so caught up in all the weight she was holding. Paying off her student loans, pushing to make Partner, setting the right example for Edwina -- that she forgot she wasn’t even thirty yet and was allowed to have a little bit of fun once in a while.

Walking out the door, she was feeling confident -- tequila pounding, ready to dance with her sister and embrace the jitters she felt whirling through her -- when someone ran right into her with full force, proceeding to not just slosh his drink slightly on her, but to pour the entire tumbler, ice and all, down her shirt, effectively soaking her and plastering the material to her now damp skin.

His hands were on her quickly, trying to stop the damage despite it already being done.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I wasn’t looking and you just came out of nowhere,” Oh not again. She couldn’t see his face as he tried to blot her shirt with one sad co*cktail napkin, but she registered that voice immediately.

“Stop stop,” She took a step away from him, not trusting herself in that close proximity again, “I came out of nowhere? You weren’t even looking where you were going.”

“Ah, it’s you again.” He looked amused as he recognized her.

She narrowed her eyes at him, making a move to push past him. “I’m going.”

He raised a hand in defense. “Hey, hey, listen it was an accident. I really am sorry. If there’s anything I can do…” He trailed off, clearly feeling uncomfortable since there really wasn’t anything to do, “I really didn’t mean it, I was just in a rush grabbing a drink for my --,”

Kate didn’t let him finish, irrationally not wanting to hear him confirm the existence of his girlfriend, or wife, or boyfriend or whoever he was inevitably already attached to.

“It’s fine, seriously.” She crossed her arms across her chest, trying for a stab at propriety although she could already tell without looking that the black lace bra she was wearing was likely almost completely visible through her shirt.

“Maybe I can get you some napkins or we could try to dry your shirt in the bathroom or--”, He was rambling and she cut him off again.

“It’s fine, really. Just watch where you’re going next time.” It came out harsher than she intended, but she was wet, she was getting slightly cold, and his easy confidence was grating on her for no reason.

She made another move to brush past him, but he put his hand on her arm, stopping her.

“What’s your problem?” He met her eyes, frowning and she raised her eyebrows.

“What’s my problem? I now smell…” She sniffed and god damnit why did it have to be her favorite gin, “Like Hendricks and I’m soaking wet.”

“I said it was an accident.”

“Yes, I heard you. Listen, your girlfriend is probably waiting for her drink,” his eyes flashed.

“I’m not here with my -- you know what?” He took a step back, shaking his head. “I don’t need to explain what I’m doing here to you.”

He took a step closer to her -- just close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body and smell the clean scent of his cologne. His eyes met hers sharply.

“I apologized, I’m trying to make it right. I didn’t dump a drink on you on purpose.”

She recrossed her arms and didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered on her body for a second too long. She opened her mouth to protest.

“You think because you’re gorgeous you can treat people like sh*t? I’m sorry about earlier. I truly am really sorry about the drink. And I am SO sorry I attempted to fix it.”

He turned, walking away from her abruptly. She could see the tightness set in his shoulders, the frustration flowing hotly off of him. She felt tightly wound, her body thrumming, finding a different kind of tension prickling across her skin as she walked across the bar back to Edwina.

“Where were you? I thought you ditched me.” She looked Kate up and down, narrowing her eyes. “And why are you wet?”

“I met a guy.”

“Sure.”

“I did!” She scanned the bar. “I need another shot.”

“Was he a hot guy? Where is he?”

The bartender came over, pouring Kate another shot. She slammed it back quickly, the citrus of the lime vibrating on her teeth.

“I don’t know.” She responded, half listening, his words ringing in her ears you think you can treat people like sh*t . Why did she care what he thought?

“You don’t know if he was hot or where he is?”

“Either.” Kate said, although half of that statement was a lie. He had been infuriating and self righteous, but undeniably attractive. She grabbed her sister’s arm.

“Let’s dance.” She led Edwina into the crowd, pushing past bodies until they were in the center of the dance floor. Under the purple light Kate’s skin glowed as she threw her arms above her head, shimmying her hips. The tequila had removed the last of her inhibitions and she grabbed her sister's hand, twirling her. After a few songs, Edwina pushed her hair off her neck, tying it into a bun.

“I don’t believe you met a guy. I feel like you were just avoiding me.” Edwina yelled over the music.

“I did!” Kate protested.

“Where is he then?”

Kate stood on her tip toes, scanning the room as she danced, surprised at how disappointed she was when she didn’t see him on a first scan. Maybe he left. She turned back towards her sister, and there he was over her shoulder - leaning against a wall on the far side of the club - talking closely to a well-dressed brunette who was touching his arm lightly as she spoke.

Edwina followed Kate’s eyeline. “Him?” Kate nodded, “What do you mean you don’t know if he was hot? That guy is a 10. That guy looks like James Bond. If James Bond was 32 and super super hot.”

She looked up at Kate who was still fixed on the two. The brunette touched his shoulder and he smiled, but it seemed like it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Unfortunately, he also looks like he’s occupied,” Edwina shrugged. “This is why I’m always telling you to be more forward. A guy like that shows interest and you never even --,”

Kate cut her off. She was now genuinely tired of this storyline. She could handle accusations that she was a workaholic (it was partially true), maybe even tolerate the idea she was rude to strangers (he had been the one to drop a drink on her!), but she was drawing the line at the idea that she had no idea what to do with the opposite sex. That one was patently false.

“I’ll go over there and talk to him.”

Her sister scoffed, “No way.”

“Watch me,” Kate said, smirking. She started towards him on the other side of the room. As she got closer, she wished she could turn around, but the combination of her pride and Edwina’s eyes on her back made her straighten her shoulders and stomp over, mustering as much confidence as she could as she approached him.

The woman saw her first, scowling at Kate over his shoulder. He turned around, confusion crossing his face when he saw it was her. He did take a small, almost imperceptible step away from the brunette which she took as a good sign.

“You.” It wasn’t a question. Instead a statement, dripping with something that didn’t quite sound like disdain, hanging languidly between them.

“Hi.”

“We were talking,” the woman looked annoyed and reached for his arm again and Kate felt an odd lurch of possessiveness. Kate didn’t blame her, but she also didn’t really feel like apologizing to her either. She ignored her instead.

Kate put a hand softly softly on his forearm, resisting the urge to trace the tendons she felt beneath her fingers.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She said it softly, pleadingly. “Please?”

He looked apprehensive, but intrigued, those dark eyes swimming as they met hers for a beat.

“Of course.” He turned to the woman who was still glaring at Kate, “Excuse me.”

In a move of boldness she wasn’t expecting from herself, she slid her hand down his forearm and wrist and took his hand in hers. She was even more surprised when he didn’t protest, instead twisting her fingers in his and squeezing lightly as she tugged him to a booth in a darker corner of the bar, pulling him down to sit next to her on the velvet cushions.

“I am so confused. You basically told me to f*ck off --” He wasn’t able to finish his sentence before she pressed her lips against his.

Kate felt him react, reeling for a second and she braced herself for him to pull away and make excuses she had misunderstood he was here with someone that was my girlfriend thanks but he wasn’t interested to not kiss her back.

But he didn’t pull away. Instead all of a sudden his hands were all over her, those fingers on her skin, one on the nape of her neck, pulling her face closer to his, the other wrapping around her waist, fingers pressing desperately into her as he roughly yanked her closer to him.

“I don’t…I don’t,” He struggled to get out the words as he kissed her, “I don’t usually do this.”

She smiled against his lips. Kate had told herself that she was doing this to prove something to Edwina. That she wasn’t just some spinster with no game, but as soon as she saw him talking to someone else an illogical and ravenous spark of jealousy had flared inside her and she realized she had wanted to kiss him for well over an hour, and did not like the idea of someone else trying to kiss him, no matter how frustrating their two encounters had been.

Something felt like it was unraveling as she kissed him, their tongues dancing together, her hands in his hair, traveling across his chest, his arms, devouring him like she couldn’t get enough. The press of his body against hers, the warmth of his chest, his fingers playing on hem of her shirt, the sharp nip of his teeth on her bottom lip. It was intoxicating, the feeling of his lips on hers, his fingers now touching the bare skin by her hip under her shirt. There was something endearing in his tentativeness as he edged his fingers to touch the skin of her waist.

His lips were off of hers, his mouth kissing her jaw, her neck and she was embarrassed by the groan that she emitted when his lips left hers. Kate could feel him smiling against her neck as she fisted a hand in his hair, yanking his face back up to hers as she wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him to her. He kissed her again and then pulled back for a second, leaning his forehead against hers as he caught his breath.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

She laughed, “You’re going to need to try a little harder than that.”

He gave her a mischievous half smile, his fingers drawing circles across her ribs and making it hard not to get distracted. He leaned in, kissing her neck again, her pulse point, the soft spot beneath her ear.

“I didn’t think that I did.”

co*cky bastard she thought although he wasn’t exactly wrong considering he’d done nothing but cut her in line and spill a drink on her and this is where they’d ended up. Her desperation would have been humiliating if he didn’t so clearly want this just as badly as she did. His chest was heaving, pupils blown out as he stared at her with those dark eyes.

“I don’t even know your name.” She breathed out as he kissed down her throat, trying to gain some semblance of control of the situation.

“That is easily fixed.” He breathed against her, his hand sliding up her ribs, squeezing her waist and god damnit if she wasn’t in public, but she ached for him to grab her roughly, her nipples straining against the lace of her bra.

“I’m Anthony.”

She tried to respond, but all that came out was a small moan as his lips traveled across her collar bone, teeth grazing the slope of her neck, her shoulder. He smirked against her skin.

“I don’t even like you.” She tried again. He chuckled lightly and his hands were on her hips, pulling her onto his lap. She gasped partially at the feeling of his hands on her lower back, taking in breath as his proximity overwhelmed her, rocking against his hips and feeling how hard he was beneath her.

“Oh don’t worry, I know that already. You made that very clear.” She couldn’t help but smile against his lips and was shocked when the warmth of what felt like genuine affection flooded her body as he smiled back.

“I’m --,” She was about to give him her name, but was cut off when a man stormed around the corner, looking very much so the spitting image of Anthony, but with deep blue eyes, and looking very frustrated.

“Anthony!” He pulled away from her quickly, his hands still on her hips and she scrambled off his lap, her cheeks burning.

“I’ve been looking for you - Colin is throwing up outside. It seems bad.” The other man ran a hand through his hair in exasperation and then turned to Kate as if he had just noticed her, “I’m so sorry to interrupt…” he looked between them at the flushed skin, the tousled hair and tried to hold back a laugh “...whatever was going on here. But actually I think you should be thanking me, this guy has a stick so far up his --,”

“Ben!” Anthony’s eyes flashed, “Is Colin okay?”

“I mean he’s fine, he’s Colin, but he definitely will need some help getting home.”

“You don’t think he’s a little old for this?”

“Of course he is, but that’s why we have you to help out isn’t it?”

Anthony rolled his eyes and sighed. He moved to stand up, clearly flustered as he turned to Kate.

“I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”

The concern in his eyes looked genuine and again she felt a perplexing pang of something that seemed very much like affection. She hadn’t even known his name thirty seconds ago.

“It’s okay, really,” she felt awkward now at her brazenness as if someone had turned the lights on and exposed them.

“It was really good to meet you.” He fumbled for the words. Her cheeks burned. Anthony clearly wasn’t going to ask for her number and she was too proud to offer it up after essentially offering herself up on a silver platter.

“Was it?” She said wryly. Ben was looking impatient behind Anthony. She extended her hand and internally cringed as she did so, “I’m Kate by the way.”

Anthony took her outstretched hand, “Kate,” He smiled, his thumb brushing over her knuckles lightly, “Nice to meet you.”

Anthony turned and Ben put a hand on his shoulder guiding him in the direction of the door. Anthony looked back at her over his shoulder for a second, but she blinked and the two of them were swallowed up in the sea of bodies.

Kate sat back against the booth. Her mind was reeling. She could still feel the arousal running through her and the hot disappointment that had replaced it when he hadn’t asked to see her again. Overriding those feelings though, was the indisputable truth that making out with Anthony in a crowded bar had easily been the best thing to happen to her all year.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

As Kate emerged from the subway at 23rd and Broadway the Empire State Building loomed large in front of her. Just like she’d planned, she had exactly thirty minutes before her meeting to grab a coffee at her favorite cafe right off of Madison Square Park. Kate’s offices were about 10 blocks downtown at Union Square and occasionally she’d walk up here to get an extra strong oat milk latte and sit on one of the many benches in the park.

Kate had too much jittery energy to sit, so this morning she was taking the long loop around the small park, killing time and settling her nerves before the meeting. She stopped for a second, sipping her coffee and trying to appreciate the crisp air on the back of her neck, the yellow ginkgo leaves accumulating under her feet, and the jubilant barking in the dog park to her left, but found her mind wandering back to where it had been all weekend.

Kate had come home on Friday night, her brain buzzing and her skin burning where he’d put his hands on her. She hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on as she kicked off her shoes. Her dog Newton greeted her with an excited bark and a nuzzle at her ankles and she rubbed his ears generously as he followed her into the bedroom. Kate pulled off her shirt and threw her skirt haphazardly on the chair by the window. She lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling in her underwear. The street lights cast a warm shadow over her bare skin and she let herself replay the last three hours and wondered if he was doing the same until she fell into a dreamless sleep.

Kate had thought about him on Saturday when she woke up nine hours later with a punishing hangover and padded around her apartment doing laundry. He was in her head as she took a long walk with Newton through Park Slope and on the tip of her tongue when she got dinner with a friend at her favorite Italian restaurant in Cobble Hill.

On Sunday, Kate had woken up with the sun, filled to the brim with restless energy. It was one image in particular she couldn’t get out of her head -- the way he’d smiled against her lips before he’d pulled her to him was proving hard to shake. Kate had tried her usual diversion tactics. Two laps around the Prospect Park Loop, a chat with her Mom on the phone, and catching up on emails before running through her notes for tomorrow.

Work helped, at least momentarily. The client was a company called Felix - a boutique tech firm that was looking for help sizing the market for their latest product launch. The prep had helped, but her mind was still racing as she ordered takeout and snuggled up reading before bed.

Kate had turned off the lights and tossed and turned before she finally relented and slid her hands down her body, imagining his lips on her neck, his hands rough on her waist, shocking herself at how quickly and violently she came against her own fingers.

Kate dodged a mom power walking with a stroller at an impressively brisk pace. She ran a hand over her hair, inhaling deeply. It was Monday, time to focus. This distraction would not be something that she carried into her day and certainly not something she carried into this meeting.

Felix’s offices were at 26th and 5th Avenue and Kate caught sight of herself in the window as she pushed the door open. An oversized, but intentionally so and impeccably tailored black blazer, black high waisted pants and a sleek camisole with the smallest hint of lace lining underneath. Razor sharp heeled boots. Hair up in a high ponytail and small gold hoops dangling in her ears. She saddled her black leather tote over her shoulder as she gave her ID to the guard, explaining she was here to meet with Felix.

“Sharma, you’re here early,” She turned to see Miles, the partner on her project who thank god, happened to be bearable. He would be her de facto boss for the next two months.

Miles oversaw all tech projects at the firm under his book of business. He was relatively new, had come from the client side, and despite the mostly silver of his hair, Kate knew he was only about ten years older than her.

“I try to make it a habit for client kickoffs. The early bird and all that,” she said dryly and he smiled. The guard returned her ID, directing her to the elevator bank and the 15th floor.

She waited for Miles to check his ID before pressing the up button. His hair gave him an air of gravitas that Kate envied. In his jeans, loafers, and blazer over a buttoned up shirt, he almost looked too casual, but his status as Partner on the project somehow made it work.

“Good weekend?” He asked as they stepped into the elevator.

“Great, thank you.” The doors closed behind them and she smiled tightly, willing her mind not to wander to Friday night, “How about you?”

“Good thanks. Spent Saturday coaching my kid’s soccer game which can sometimes feel more challenging than client services if I’m being honest.” He cracked a smile and Kate laughed.

She was about to respond when the elevator doors dinged. Kate and Miles stepped out into what could only be described as a palatial open concept office with jaw dropping views of downtown Manhattan. The office took up the whole 15th floor - it was all light and windows. A sleek espresso bar with a stack of ceramic mugs in cheerful prints and a lush living wall bookended the space. A young man in a sweater and blazer was sitting at the front desk.

“Hi I’m Rob! Welcome to Felix. How can I help you?”

“Hi Rob, I’m Kate Sharma and this is Miles Franklin here from Strategy& to see the innovation and launch team. We have a meeting scheduled.”

Rob clicked a few keystrokes into his computer and nodded. “There you are Kate, Miles. Perfect. We have you booked in one of our conference rooms. I can take you there.”

They followed Rob across the office. It was only 8:45 on a Monday and people were slowly trickling in. A few early risers were already immersed in their work, headphones in and coffee cups already half drained.

“Here we are,” Rob pushed open a large, wood paneled glass door into a spacious conference room that bordered 26th Street with broad, sweeping views. The Flatiron Building stood proudly across the park and One World Trade glimmered in the distance.

“Thank you,” Kate bit her lip to suppress her smile as she set her bag down on one of the large leather office chairs and pulled out her computer. She had been in a lot of fancy corporate offices and while this wasn’t the grandest by any means, there was something about the intimacy of it paired with this quintessentially New York view that had her charmed.

“The team should be in shortly to join you. I saw them earlier so I’ll let them know you’re here. We have a wireless share system, but if you have any sort of HDMI or Lightning cable you should be able to easily hook up to the screen share as well,” He gestured to the large flat panel that bracketed one side of the room.

Kate nodded, “Perfect,” She was already pulling out her laptop as Miles settled in in the seat next to her.

“Can I get you both anything while you wait? Coffee, tea, water?”

Kate shook her head, gesturing to her latte cup, “I’m good, thank you. Miles?”

“I’ll take a coffee. Black, please. Thanks.”

Rob disappeared and Miles booted his computer up next to Kate. Rob hadn’t been kidding - the wireless sharing system was seamless and her kickoff presentation appeared quickly on the wide screen.

“So, give me the 30 second run down of what we’re talking about today.” Kate rolled her eyes internally. It wasn’t unlike Partners to walk into projects without any context and it always frustrated her.

“Did you get a chance to look at the pre-read I sent you?”

Miles leaned back in his chair, folding one knee over the other, “I skimmed it. I get the gist. They’re a small family-owned B2B tech firm that just got a mountain of venture funding which is how they can afford us. Building custom digital loyalty programs for small businesses, basically so I can get points at my bodega.”

Kate nodded, continuing for him. She was relieved that Miles seemingly at least had an idea of what was going on.

“They’re looking to expand their product offering into independent restaurants, bars, that kind of thing and they’re looking to understand the size of the prize.”

“Which is where we come in.”

“Exactly,” Kate opened her notebook, the sight of her crisply written out notes and talking points soothing the light flutter of nerves in her stomach.

“And how did we sell this one in?”

“I actually met their head of product development at a conference in Boston a couple months back. We clicked and I let her know that I focused on exactly this kind of management consulting work at Strategy&. She called me a few weeks back and here we are.”

Miles nodded, looking pleased, “Nice Sharma. Impressive.”

Kate fought back a grin and was about to respond when the clicking of heels and the sound of the door sliding open drew her attention.

“Kate! Oh my god, it’s so great to see you!”

Daphne walked quickly into the conference room, balancing her laptop and a large iced coffee, looking just as beautiful and well put together as Kate had remembered. The cream colored pant suit shouldn’t have worked, but the pristine tailoring, combined with Daphne’s effortless grace made it modern and chic. Kate had liked Daphne from the moment she’d watched the keynote speaker stumble over his words trying to answer her razor sharp questions from the front row.

“Daphne, hi! It’s great to see you too.” Kate stood, smiling and outstretched her hand, but Daphne pulled her into a hug instead.

“We can hug! I’m really excited to be working with you.” Kate hesitated when she saw Miles narrowing his eyes over her shoulder, but relented when she felt the genuine warmth of Daphne’s embrace.

“And Daphne, this is Miles Franklin. He’s the Partner on this project and runs our Tech vertical at Strategy&.”

Miles looked unsure if he was supposed to go in for a hug, but Daphne stuck her hand out and Kate tried her best not to feel smug about it.

“Nice to meet you Miles. Thank you both for coming in person.” Daphne looked over her shoulder as if she was waiting for someone, “My brother should be here any second. I know he was running a little late this morning, but let’s sit down anyway.”

Kate frowned slightly as Daphne settled across from her in the chair facing the door, taking a large swig of her iced coffee.

“Your brother?”

“Oh sorry, right I shouldn’t just say he’s my brother. He would probably say that’s undermining his authority.” There was a playful smile in her eyes, “But he’s technically my boss.”

“Oh I didn’t realize that you wouldn’t be running point on this project.”

Kate didn’t like to be taken by surprise, but since Felix wasn’t a public company she hadn’t been able to get a ton of information on the way the company was structured. Felix had a website of course, but it was much more product focused and didn’t highlight any information about the team.

Daphne smiled, “Don’t worry, we both are. I run Product Development, but he oversees Strategy overall so Product, but also our Marketing team, Sales, and Customer support. He has a much broader scope than just my team.”

“And there he is. Finally.” Daphne’s tone was teasing. Her eyes lit up as someone slid the door open to the conference room behind Kate and Miles.

Kate moved to turn to see who had just walked in, “Morning Daph, I am so sorry I’m late, the subway was --”

That voice she heard it before she saw his face. For a split second she thought she must be hallucinating, but he stopped short, his words cut off as he looked up from his phone and met Kate’s eyes.

All of the air was sucked out of the room. Standing in the doorway of the conference room, holding a big ceramic coffee mug and a notepad, glasses on and a pen tucked behind his ear, looking absolutely delicious in a navy blue crew neck sweater and jeans, was the exact same Anthony who had his hands all over her in a crowded nightclub not quite 48 hours ago.

No f*cking way. Kate blinked once. Twice. If she closed her eyes tightly enough maybe he’d disappear.

“Anthony, this is Kate Sharma and Miles Franklin, they’re the consultants from Strategy& who will be leading our project. Team, this is Anthony Bridgerton, our Head of Strategy. Who also happens to be my older brother.”

Kate couldn’t read Anthony’s expression, but it made her feel slightly better that he had yet to get a word out. The silence hung in the air and Kate stared, willing him to say something. Anything.

Miles broke the silence by speaking, “Anthony, nice to meet you. It’s a pleasure to be working together.”

Anthony blinked, looking at Miles as if he had forgotten where he was, “Right, right the project. Nice to meet you. Please, don’t get up.”

Kate took a sharp intake of breath as he sat down across from her, “Hi Anthony, I’m Kate Sharma.”

“Kate, nice to meet you.” His eyes burned into hers and he gave her a tentative smile.

“Nice to meet you too Anthony,” Her mind was reeling as she watched him tap his fingers on the desk wishing more than anything she could hear what was going through his head.

“Should we get started? Kate can kick us off.” Thank god for Miles. He had gone from talking head on the project to her saving grace in less than 5 minutes.

Anthony was frowning at her across the table and somehow the three feet between them felt indecent. He looked concerned, rubbing his jaw and stared at her intently as she somehow found the mental faculties to start the presentation.

Kate was glad she’d prepared, glad she had her notes and glad she’d rehearsed the night before because the next hour felt less like a presentation and more like one continuous, albeit very articulate, blackout.

She was on autopilot, flipping through slides, outlining the methodology they’d use for the project -- a few internal interviews, two focus groups, and a modeling exercise to size the market -- pausing to allow Miles to jump in where it was appropriate. Kate essentially gave the presentation to Daphne, not trusting herself as much as to look at Anthony.

She hoped that the crackling tension she felt wasn’t obvious to Daphne or Miles. It appeared it wasn’t as Daphne volleyed questions at them and laughed at the jokes Miles cracked.

At the end of the presentation Kate closed her computer. Daphne nudged her brother, “Anthony, do you have any questions? You’ve been awfully quiet…especially for you.”

“Usually I can’t get a word in edgewise,” Daphne explained with a smirk to Kate and Miles.

Anthony looked up from where he’d been taking notes.

“Ah, no no. Just still waiting for the caffeine to kick in,” He said gesturing to his coffee cup. “The project sounds great. Just let me know where you need me.”

Kate breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he didn’t want to be involved at all and he was just here as a check box, but Daphne looked confused.

“Where we need you? We need you in the entire thing. I need you to be close to this one Ant especially on this deadline.”

Well that was a nice thought. Anthony nodded, gnawing at his lip. “Of course. Well you know where to find me,” Anthony’s eyes drifted across the table to Kate’s, “Please just reach out with anything you need.”

Kate’s stomach took a dip, but Daphne breathed out a sigh of relief. “Ok great. Well Kate is going to be leading internal stakeholder interviews next week. I’d like you to sit in on those please.”

“Oh I don’t know if that’s a good --,” Kate protested, trying to imagine Anthony sitting next to her for a minute longer while she tried to do her job. It seemed impossible, but Miles cut her off.

“We’d love to have you Anthony. Your perspective will be incredibly valuable in those interviews.” Damnit Miles.

“Great,” Anthony said tightly and Kate exhaled, realizing that she’d been holding her breath.

“Great,” Daphne repeated, eyeing her brother curiously as they both stood, collecting her laptop and coffee. “I’m so sorry to be rude, but I have another meeting I have to run to. Can you guys take 5 minutes right now with Ant to share the dates that work for you and we can work on getting those interviews scheduled on our end?”

Daphne came around the table to shake Mile’s hand and hug Kate warmly again. Kate met Anthony’s eyes over her shoulder and quickly looked away.

“Thank you again!” Daphne called over her shoulder as she walked out into the hallway leaving the three of them,

“We should be going too --”, but Miles cut her off again.

“Sharma do you have another meeting after this?”

“I don’t, but --”

“Perfect,” Miles stood, tucking his laptop in his briefcase, “I actually do need to run as well, but you should stay and talk with Anthony about those interviews.”

He turned to Anthony, “Is that okay with you? Normally I wouldn’t sprint out like this, but I actually need to jump on a call that…” He glanced at his watch and grimaced, “I’m already late for.”

Anthony nodded, “That’s completely fine,” he agreed, but looked more like he’d rather be waterboarded than spend another minute in the room with Kate.

“Perfect,” Miles shook Anthony’s hand firmly as he was walking out, “Again, look forward to working with you on this. The opportunity here is huge.”

Anthony nodded wordlessly as Miles filed out of the room, already pulling out his Airpods and dialing in. For the second time this morning, Kate found herself thinking that this room was certainly not big enough for the two of them. There was not enough air, and certainly not enough space. Kate felt like she might pass out as Anthony stood across the conference room looking anywhere but at her. Her face flushed as embarrassment settled in. From the look on his face, not only did he not want to be standing anywhere near her, but the pull she’d felt to him -- the way her mind had played their evening on repeat all weekend--was clearly unrequited.

The silence was stifling and they both started talking at once to fill it,

“Listen I --”

“I didn’t have any idea that you --”

They both stopped and Anthony finally met her eyes. He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“This is definitely not what I expected from my first meeting this morning,” Anthony said, smiling nervously at her.

“I had no idea that you worked here. Or that you would be my client, when I..” Kate paused,
“...introduced myself to you on Friday.”

“Introduced yourself? That’s what we’re calling it now?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, looking amused.

“It’s not funny,” Kate said sharply, crossing her arms across her chest. Anthony frowned.

“I had a good time with you on Friday.”

He said it simply and the words hung in the air between them, heavy with the shared memory of how it had felt to reach for each other without restraint -- her hands in his hair, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist, his fingers grabbing for her hips.

Kate inhaled deeply, closing her eyes for a second to clear her head. She bit back her smile and every part of her that screamed to say I had a good time too and I can’t stop thinking about you and instead I ignored his comment.

“I think you should tell Daphne that you can’t work on this project with her.”

Anthony looked taken aback, “What! Why?”

“I just don’t think it’s…” She searched for the word, glancing at him and then back past his shoulder. “Appropriate for us to be working together.”

He laughed again, ““You can’t kick me off a project at my own company. And even if I wanted to do that I couldn’t. This is a huge launch for our team and Daphne would kill me.” Kate glared at him.

“Just because you’re embarrassed ---”

“I’m not embarrassed!” She exclaimed, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Maybe you should look for someone else to run the project then on your side?” It was more of challenge than a question and her eyes flashed.

“No way,” She said fiercely and started pacing back and forth. It was a habit she had picked up in college while studying for a particularly challenging Microeconomics midterm. The movement helped the gears in her brain click into place.

“It seems like we’re at an impasse then.”

She stopped pacing, “We can just start over. Pretend it never happened.”

Kate thought she saw something like hurt flash across Anthony’s face for a second, but it was gone as quickly as she’d seen it, “Pretend it never happened?”

“Let’s just forget about Friday. This can’t be anything between us…” She walked over to him, every cell in her body aching to touch him, and extended her hand instead, “We’re coworkers. You’re my client.”

“That’s what you want?” He was frowning down at her hand. It doesn’t matter what I want.

“Yes, that’s what I want.” She said, hating the shakiness in her voice. Hating how much she liked that she could look him straight in the eye in her heels.

“Fine, Kate, I’m Anthony Bridgerton. I’m Head of Strategy here at Felix.”

Anthony took her hand and she was back in the bar, back to his thumb running over her knuckles softly in that inky purple light, back to his fingers intertwined in hers. They were alone again and his thumb ran over her skin, her pinky finger, gently, almost imperceptibly and Kate breathed in sharply as his eyes bore into hers. She barely felt like she could get the words out.

“Anthony. I’m Kate Sharma, I’ll be your lead on this project. I’m a Senior Manager at Strategy&.”

“So I’ve heard. I’m looking forward to working together.”

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but somewhere in the office a phone rang loudly and she was all of a sudden very well aware of the glass walls, the lack of privacy, that he’d been holding her hand for longer than was probably normal. She yanked her hand away as if she’d been burned.

“I should go, this is not…” What was happening? She didn’t get flustered like this with men, or with anyone, “I mean, I’m just going to go,” Kate grabbed her bag, backing away towards the door.

“You don’t want to talk about the plan for next week?” He seemed confused as she tried to put as much distance between them as possible.

“I’ll email you or call you or text or something. I just totally forgot about this meeting I had.. about ah, a thing.”

He nodded slowly, looking amused and about to respond, but she was out the door before he had the chance to say goodbye. Her heels sounded too loud on the wood floor as she all but sprinted towards the elevator.

It wasn’t until the door dinged shut behind her did she lean her head back against the wall and exhale. This was going to be a very long two months.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

The smell of hazelnut filled the air as Kate stood in socks in her small kitchen pouring herself a second cup of coffee. The chill of fall was in full force and she wore jeans, a pair of ridiculously fluffy striped socks, and a cable knit sweater. Her hair was tied back in a loose braid.

Tuesday was probably Kate’s favorite day of the week purely because it meant she got to work from home. It meant not rushing out the door in the morning. It meant no dirty, crammed subway, no shoving up against other people in a race to make her way above ground. And more importantly, it meant a day spent in her beautiful--albeit slightly old--one bedroom walk-up apartment with the creaky wood floors and the built-in bookcases and the perfect view of her tiny backyard that always reminded her of a secret garden. It meant not having to put on shoes and getting to see the light flooding in while she worked at her kitchen table. It was a lunchtime walk for Newton and luxuriously making her way through a full pot of coffee as she joined calls and answered emails throughout the morning.

This Tuesday was no different although she did admit to herself that Monday had been the third night in a row that she’d lost sleep over Anthony Bridgerton. Kate had woken up this morning restless, exhausted, and full of new found dedication to approaching this project - and him - with nothing but professionalism. What had happened yesterday - the lingering handshake and the prolonged eye contact and rushing out in the middle of a conversation was not going to happen again. She was an adult. An adult who had had plenty of sex - as she imagined he had as well - and knew how to compartmentalize. The worst part was they hadn’t even had sex. Kate felt like she was sixteen again. Strung out and absolutely out of her mind because she had just kissed someone. It was unacceptable and she was done allowing the roil of emotions to control her.

Kate rubbed her temples and felt her stomach grumble. She eyed a loaf of bread on the countertop. As she was popping a slice into the toaster for a little late morning snack, she heard her phone buzzing from the other room. She frowned and glanced down at her watch. It was just a little past 10am - not early by any means, but she had just jumped off a client call and wasn’t expecting anyone.

She would have known if it was her sister because about six months ago Edwina had set her personal ringtone to a duck quacking and as obnoxious as it was, it always made Kate laugh when her sister called.

Kate left the toast, rushing to grab the phone before it stopped ringing without spilling her coffee. It wasn’t a number she recognized, but that wasn’t unusual so she picked it up anyways.

“This is Kate Sharma,” she answered, slightly breathless from the mad dash from the kitchen.

“Kate,” She knew the voice on the other end of the phone before he even said his name, “This is Anthony Bridgerton.”

She jolted, so shocked to hear his voice she sloshed hot coffee all over her hand, the table, and her notebook. Luckily it missed her laptop, but succeeded in burning her hand enough to make her yelp.

“f*ck!”

He sounded concerned, “Are you okay?”

“Yes, just hold on a second,” She put the phone down, making sure to press mute as she quickly ran to grab a towel. Her hand was stinging, but she grabbed the phone, cradling it between her ear as she cleaned up the table.

“Anthony. Hi.”

“Hi. Are you alright?” Kate thought she could hear his smile. Despite the fact that he had said nothing but his name, somehow hearing his voice on the phone felt incredibly intimate.

She ignored his question.

“How did you get this number?”

He laughed and Kate imagined him reclining in one of those big leather chairs they’d sat in yesterday, his hands tucked behind his head and god damnit if she wasn’t perfectly remembering the way his biceps had so clearly been defined through his shirt sleeves on Friday night and how they’d felt when she ran her hands over --

“Kate, are you still there?”

Get it together Sharma. Jesus Christ.

“Of course, sorry. Just had an email come in.”

“I said Daphne shared your number. I’m under very strict instructions to get those interviews scheduled for this week.”

Kate tucked her hair behind her ears and blushed remembering he couldn’t actually see her. This was a phone call. Regardless, she wasn’t able to resist teasing him a bit.

“It seems like Daphne is giving you a lot of instructions. I thought she worked for you and not the other way around.”

Anthony chuckled again and she liked the sound.

“She does. And she is under very strict instructions from me to not let anything slow down this launch. Which in this case means managing up. And delegating.”

“Right,” Kate said skeptically.

“I have a habit of getting too in the weeds on projects like this and… ah, slowing things down.”

Kate smiled and he continued, “And you met Daphne, once she sets her mind on something there’s no getting in her way.”

Newton waddled over to Kate as Anthony spoke and sat down on her feet, letting out a satisfied grunt as Kate nudged his ear with her foot.

“So, how’s tomorrow?”

Kate was glad she wasn’t holding her coffee still. She might have spilled it again.

“Tomorrow?”

“For the interviews. I think it would be best to get started as soon as we can.”

Anthony was being nothing but professional and while she was grateful it also stung slightly. Was she truly that forgettable? She had been the one to suggest they forget Friday night. But still, that didn’t mean she had to like the crisp objectivity on the other side of the phone.

“I can do that. Definitely,” Kate mentally moved the list of things she had to do today in her head, knowing that creating, polishing and getting approval for the discussion guide would easily take all afternoon.

“Do you have a list of stakeholders you’d like us to interview?”

Right on cue, her inbox pinged, “I actually just sent it to you.”

“Do you want to do the interviews over Zoom for the flexibility? I’m not sure where all your team members are.”

“Let’s do them in-person? Are you good to come back to the office tomorrow?”

Kate nodded. Going back to the office and being in his physical proximity was exactly what she didn’t want, but she didn’t really have a choice.

“Of course. That works.”

“Why don’t we say 10am? We can do two of the interviews and then we can grab lunch after if we want to debrief?”

“Lunch?” She repeated back.

“After breakfast? Before dinner?”

Arrogant smart ass. She wanted to say it, but she bit her tongue. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea.”

Silence stretched over the phone as she waited for him to respond.

“It’s lunch Kate, not an engagement. Strictly work,” He paused again, “We don’t have to, but I thought it might be helpful. For the project?”

Kate bit her lip. In any other situation she would have jumped for the opportunity for a one-on-one lunch with a senior client. Especially a new client. It was an amazing opportunity to develop the business, get to know him better, and build the relationship. She didn’t really have a reason to say no.

“Ok. Sure, lunch.”

“Great,” He sounded buoyed by her agreement, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Anthony hung up and Kate rested her head on the dining room table, sighing heavily. Newton nuzzled her ankle in sympathy.

“I know buddy. What have I gotten myself into?”

~~~~~

Wednesday was going fine. Kate might even say it was going better than fine. She had been dodging Edwina’s calls for the last couple of days knowing that the second she talked to her it would spill out that Anthony her new client was the same Anthony she’d kissed on Friday. Edwina had been so stunned by Kate’s boldness, that she had been in a quiet reverence as they left the club. Kate knew she’d have a lot to say about this new development, but she didn’t feel like getting into it right now. She’d tell her. Eventually.

Kate had taken the previous afternoon to write the discussion guide for the interviews. She ran it by Miles over email and finished her evening with a stroll with Newton around the block.

The first interview had gone better than expected. While Kate was initially thrown slightly off kilter by Anthony’s presence in the room she found that as she got into the conversation, it wasn’t hard to keep her composure.

This time, they weren’t sitting in the conference room. Instead when she came in, Anthony had led her to a cozy corner nook on the far side of the office overlooking the park. It had a handful of plush armchairs and a couch circling a coffee table where a plate of seemingly freshly baked cookies sat, smelling delicious. Kate had sat down on one of the arm chairs intentionally to ensure there was absolutely no way Anthony could sit next to her. Instead, he was across from her on the couch.

Anthony had been nothing but professional, directing most of his attention to the man named David she was interviewing. David worked directly under Anthony as Daphne’s counterpart. If anything, Anthony barely looked Kate’s way as she asked the questions, but she could tell he was listening. He built off of David’s responses where it was needed, but never cut him off or contradicted him. Kate had done this many times. She had seen many senior leaders sit in on interviews and take over the conversation - not letting their employees get a word in- despite the fact that these interviews were literally designed to be a way for Kate to understand the dynamics of the team, their strengths and weaknesses, and where there might be opportunities as they got closer to launch.

Much to her chagrin, the fact that Anthony appeared not to need the spotlight at all for himself, made her like him even more.

As they wrapped up, David gathered his things and thanked Kate on the way out. Anthony finally turned to her.

“I know we have a couple minutes before the next one. I’m going to get some more coffee. Can I grab you some?”

“That would be great actually. Milk, one sugar please.”

He grabbed her mug off the table with a smile. “Coming right up.”

As Anthony disappeared around the corner, Kate leaned back against the chair, grateful for a moment of reprieve.

Felix’s Head of Sales, also sitting directly under Anthony, was next. She didn’t have his name, but had spent hours yesterday combing through their sales numbers and customer retention metrics. It was impressive and she was looking forward to talking to whoever was responsible for this precisely executed strategy.

Kate heard footsteps and looked up, expecting to see Anthony holding their coffee, but instead was met with her second surprise in the last two days when the same man who had interrupted them at the nightclub strolled over to her. Kate remembered his name was Ben and he was every bit the nearly spitting image of his brother, albeit slightly more creatively dressed in a patterned shirt, jeans, and boots.

“What are you doing here?”

He laughed, seemingly not perturbed by her question. He sat down across from her on the couch, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I was told…” And he glanced at his phone, “...to be exactly in this spot for a stakeholder interview at exactly this time.”

He narrowed his eyes as he took a closer look at her as if he was trying to place her.

“You’re the Head of Sales?”

“That’s me,” He outstretched a hand to her, just as Anthony was walking around the corner, “Benedict Bridgerton at your service. And you must be, Kate…”

He trailed off as recognition dawned on him, “Sharma, our consulting lead. But also…”

Benedict met Anthony’s eyes, “Ben,” Anthony said warningly.

“You’re also the woman who was so unwisely making out with my brother on Friday night.”

Kate flushed. Anthony looked like he was going to reach across the coffee table and strangle him, but Benedict laughed, looking between them as if he was putting the pieces together.

“And now you two are,” he gestured between them, “working on this project together. Oh that is just classic.”

“I’m glad you find it funny,” Anthony said. Kate could feel the hot discomfort coming off of him in waves across the room.

“How can you not? It’s hilarious,” Benedict caught Kate’s eye kindly, “No offense Kate, more so for my brother.”

Kate needed to get some footing back in this conversation. “How do you work here too?” She looked at Anthony, “How many siblings do you have?”

“Seven.”

“Seven! And do they all work here?”

Anthony looked sheepish, “No, just the two.”

“Thank god, otherwise that would be a little incestuous don’t you think?” Benedict cracked and Anthony glared at him.

“You don’t think it is now?” Kate challenged and Benedict chuckled.

“I think when you own the company, you’re allowed a little bit of leeway for nepotism. Just a little. And only for extremely qualified relatives.”

Anthony sighed audibly, rubbing his temples as Kate looked between the two of them, confused.

“What are you talking about? Who owns the company?”

Benedict raised an eyebrow.

“He didn’t tell you?”

Anthony closed his eyes for a second as if he was steadying himself.

“I do.” He said simply.

“You what?” Kate asked, still confused.

“I own the company. I own Felix.”

“I thought you were just the Head of Strategy.”

Kate’s head was spinning. It was bad enough that she was in this situation with a client. She thought Anthony was just part of the leadership team. Not that he owned the entire business.

Benedict jumped in for him, “Ant doesn’t like C-Suite titles. He also doesn’t like people knowing and tiptoeing around him,”

“Moot point now, hey?” Anthony said under his breath, still shooting daggers at Benedict. Benedict went on.

“Technically, the three of us are all shareholders, but Ant owns the majority share.”

Benedict reached for one of the cookies, crossing his ankle over his knee.

“So far I’m loving this interview. Next question?”

~~~~~

The rest of the interview went comparably better without any large surprises, but at that point it was a low bar for Kate. Despite how much she wanted to be annoyed by him, she found herself liking Benedict. He was brilliant, clearly excellent at his job, and listening to Anthony and him spar and toss ideas around was not only entertaining, but informative for the project.

Benedict had to run to another meeting as they wrapped up, but he thanked Kate profusely, handing her his card and letting her know he was happy to chat whenever she needed about the project. Anthony lingered as Kate took a couple last notes and closed her computer.

He was looking at her intently, his hands in his pockets and she wasn’t sure what made her say what she did next, “Lunch?”

Anthony looked amused. “I thought you didn’t want to have lunch.”

“That was before. Now I have questions for you. Business questions.” She clarified.

He nodded, seeming to be deep in thought. “Do you like burgers?”

Kate smiled, unable to contain her enthusiasm for one of her favorite foods, “Is that even a question?”

~~~~~

For a Wednesday at lunch, the Gramercy Tavern was surprisingly packed. Kate and Anthony squeezed their way through the small crowd of people lingering at the door to snag two seats at the bar. The restaurant was warm and smelled like pine and leather. A fireplace crackled in the back of the room.

Kate had been surprised at how comfortable she’d felt with him on the short walk over to the restaurant. She was expecting silence or stilted small talk, but the conversation had come easily as they walked. She found out that Anthony owned an apartment in the West Village. That he’d lived in New York for nearly eight years and that he did was the oldest of eight siblings. His youngest sister was eighteen and Kate smiled at how his face lit up when he talked about how they were all waiting on pins and needles to see if she got into Brown early decision.

As Kate pulled open the menu and crossed her legs under the counter, she deliberately made sure her thigh did not bump his, despite the fact she could feel the heat of his body only inches away. The conversation had been easy and this was just what she wanted. Getting to know her client. Building a relationship. A platonic, business-oriented relationship. Accidental under the table leg grazing was not on the menu.

The bartender came over with water and Kate ordered a hot tea with lemon.

“So do I even need a menu? Sounds like a burger is the move.”

He smiled at her, putting his menu down. “The question is, are you a cheeseburger girl or not?”

“Oh definitely. To not be would be sacrilege”

“Some people would call it being a purist.”

“I’m assuming you’re one of them.” He laughed and she was thrown again by the broadness of his smile. The boyishness in his eyes.

“Caught me.” Anthony raised a hand to the bartender and she came over quickly. They both ordered and as she left with their order, Kate turned on her stool to face Anthony, her knees pointing towards him, but still not touching.

Kate took a sip of her tea and Anthony looked met her eyes.

“I’m sorry about Benedict,” He said simply, “It was totally out of line for him to bring up last week.”

Kate shook her head, “It’s okay. Really. He’s right, objectively it is a little funny.”

He gave her a crooked smile, but looked at her expectantly, “It looks like you have something else you want to say.”

Kate bit her lip contemplatively and thought she saw his eyes drift to her mouth.

“I think I’m still processing that you own Felix.”

Anthony reached for his water glass, “I figured you would be.”

“Why didn’t you mention it on Monday?”

“You heard Benedict. He’s far too comfortable sharing, but I don’t like what it does in a room when I start a conversation that way. It kind of sucks the air out of things. People are intimidated and they stop talking and I don’t like that. I learned it early on. So now I just don’t tell people.”

“So you started Felix yourself?”

Anthony nodded.

“How old are you?”

“How old are you?”

He shot back at her and she smiled.

“I’m twenty-nine. Answer my question.”

“This doesn’t seem like a business question, Sharma.”

“It is, I’m getting to my point.”

“I’m thirty two.”

“Wow.”

“Is that a ‘wow I’m old’ wow?”

“No, the opposite. It’s a ‘wow, you’re young and I know for a fact that your company was just valued at a billion dollars’ wow.”

Anthony looked away for a second and she could see his ears flush slightly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

He shook his head, “No you didn’t,” He paused, bringing a hand to his jaw again as if he was thinking. “I just...sometimes it’s weird for me to think about it like that. It feels like it isn’t my life. Like it’s somebody else’s.”

He turned to face her, his knees dangerously close to bumping hers.

“How did the company get started?”

“I think that’s what makes it hard to believe sometimes. I only started Felix because I inherited a lot of money and needed something to do with it to keep myself from going crazy.”

The restaurant was loud with the clink of silverware, the draft beer being poured, and din of conversation, but Kate found herself fixated on what he had to say next.

“My dad died when I was twenty. I’m the oldest so not only did I inherit a lot, but I felt like I had to do something. Had to move our family forward somehow. I was still in college at the time and had the idea in a business class I was taking. I used a lot of the money I inherited to start the company. Daph and Ben joined me once they graduated a couple years later. Once it started to go well and grow we called the company Felix because it means --

“Luck,” Kate finished for him, meeting his eyes.

“Exactly. It felt like a crazy stroke of luck that something good could have come out of literally the worst thing to ever happen to us.”

Anthony leaned his head on his hand against the bar and offered her a small smile. His hair was falling into his eyes, past his glasses and she wanted to reach out and brush it back. To run her hands through her hair like she had that night. Their knees were so close and she could easily close the gap between them. The haunted, empty look in his eyes made something in her crack and she longed to reach for his hand.

“Anthony, I’m so sorry. That must have been incredibly hard. On all of you.” She breathed in quickly. She wanted to tell him she knew how he felt, that she had lost someone too, but she couldn’t get the words out.

“You should be incredibly proud of what you’ve built,” She smiled at him, “I’m sure your Dad would be too.”

Anthony offered her a half smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes, “I hope so,”

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but the bartender interrupted her, setting their burgers and fries down in front of them. The food smelled delicious and they both dug in, grateful for the natural pause in the conversation that had started innocuous and become so personal so very quickly. They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate.

Kate was lost in her thoughts when she felt it. So light it could have been accidental. Anthony’s foot pressed against hers under the bar -- nudging her softly, tentatively -- and then gone as quickly as it was there.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

It was unlike her, but Kate let her mind wander as she sat in the monthly Strategy& town hall. Miles was presenting with another man named John Booth. Booth was also a Partner, but unlike Miles, had the reputation of being a notorious asshole. Unfortunately, he also happened to be the Managing Director of the New York office and in charge of the committee making the final Partner election decision. There were only three spots available out of the twenty Senior Managers that sat around the table clicking their pens and nervously taking notes.

Kate should have been concentrating, but she didn’t feel entirely guilty zoning out of this presentation. She’d basically memorized this PowerPoint when they first got it two years ago. She knew the whole spiel - Partners needed a strong book of business, enduring relationships with clients, and excellent people management skills to be considered.

Kate let her mind wander to the focus groups she had coming up tomorrow for Felix. They’d be doing two sets of groups over Thursday and Friday at a research facility in Midtown that she’d been to many times before. Kate wasn’t moderating, but would be in the backroom observing the groups and facilitating the conversation from behind two-way glass.

It had been two weeks since her lunch with Anthony. She’d visited the Felix offices in the subsequent days for more stakeholder interviews, but Kate hadn’t seen any of the Bridgertons since then. She’d been in touch, but the combination of other client meetings, the Bridgerton’s busy travel schedule, and a couple of conflicts that had mysteriously come up on Anthony’s calendar had made it difficult to meet up face-to-face.

She and Anthony had been emailing back and forth about the project and she couldn’t help the little adrenaline rush she felt whenever his name popped up in her inbox. They’d spent nearly two hours this morning on Zoom reviewing the research discussion guide. At first she’d been taken aback by his questions -- What were their objectives? What were the pain points of the product? What did customers ike about the service today? What would customers like to see if the product was expanded? -- they’d gone on and on. She was so used to clients checking out after a project kicked off that the way he’d read her work line by line, scribbling in the margins, and highlighting parts he wanted to go over, baffled her. She didn’t agree with all of his feedback and was happy to tell him so. They had gone back and forth, sparring and pushing each other, neither conceding much ground until Kate wanted to toss her laptop across the room. After they’d signed off, she couldn’t deny that his input had made the discussion guide stronger and once again she thought of how very wrong her first impression of him had been.

Someone raised their hand to ask a question and Kate refocused her attention. She looked around the table and was reminded of what an anomaly she was here. There were two other Senior Managers who were women and only one of them was a woman of color. The rest of the room was filled with mostly white men in well cut suits in varying shades of gray and blue.

She knew most of the other Senior Managers well and while a handful of the men were genuinely good guys, the majority of them were not.

Miles and Booth continued on, flipping to the slide on the firm’s values. When Kate first started, she’d gone to a Thursday night happy hour hoping to get to know people. She’d had a good conversation with a few of the other Senior Managers making small talk about their respective projects and their recent moves to New York. Kate thought it was going well. She’d gone to the bathroom and on her way back she’d paused before rounding the corner, catching the end of their conversation great body and absolutely gorgeous face, but the tit* are too small and her ass is too flat someone else chimed in I’ll give her 6 months . She kept her head held high and reentered the conversation, picking up her drink like nothing had happened. Thirty minutes later she politely excused herself and went home and cried. The unsettling feeling of being scrutinized and watched hadn’t left her after that night. Instead of tearing her down though, it had made her determined to prove them wrong.

“The quality of your relationships with your clients and your ability to develop these relationships into long term partnerships is a key element in the Partner evaluation process.”

Booth said and her mind drifted back to Anthony. She still wasn’t sure if she’d imagined his touch under the bar that day, but she was well on her way to believing that she had out of her own lame desperation. He hadn’t said anything afterwards, but in the next few days he had been noticeably distant. The logical conclusion was that it had been accidental and he was doing everything he could to ensure she didn’t get the wrong idea. He’d been nothing but polite, but had bowed out of a couple of the interviews early, sat as far away from her as humanly possible in the ones he did attend, and there definitely had been no second invitation to lunch.

The bright side was in his absence she’d had coffee with Daphne in the sun-dappled kitchen in the Felix offices between interviews. Benedict had caught them and ten minutes had quickly turned to thirty. The comfort she felt around both of them surprised her. There was an familiarity to how easily their conversation transitioned from work and the leads Benedict was developing, to a concert at the Knitting Factory he’d gone to the night before that surprised Kate. Anthony had dropped in for a minute to grab a coffee, but as soon as the conversation moved away from Felix, he’d disappeared.

Kate tried to tamper down the slight pang she’d felt when he excused himself and disappeared into his office on the other side of the floor.

“Sharma, do you agree?”

Kate was jerked out of her musing. Booth looked at her expectantly from the front of the room.

“Of course. Client relationships are the backbone of everything we do here,” she parroted back, praying that was the right response. Booth narrowed his eyes for a paralyzing moment and then nodded.

“Exactly right. I knew I liked you, Sharma.”

Kate bit back a smile, exhaling as he turned his back to her.

The presentation wrapped up and people grabbed their laptops in a hurry. A few milled around, chatting and finishing their coffees, but most rushed out to their next round of back-to-back calls. Before she lost her nerve, Kate marched right up to Booth and Miles.

“Sharma, what can we do for you?”

Booth looked at her expectantly with those glacial blue eyes. Why did she feel like a kid waiting at the principal's office whenever she was around these guys? Despite her height, they were both taller and broader than her and looking up at them she felt oddly childlike.

“Thanks for the presentation.”

“Of course. We’re just as excited to get to the end of this process as you are.” Miles joked and Kate was grateful for his attempt to set her at ease.

“How's the Felix project going? Kate’s eyes slid to Miles quickly and he nodded.

“Great, we’re actually doing focus groups tomorrow and Friday. You should stop by if you can. I’m sure their leadership team would love to meet you.”

Kate crossed her arms over laptop. Please say no. Please say no.

“You know what? I will. That company is interesting to me. And I know it’s essentially being run by a bunch of children.”

Kate bit back her retort. She felt an involuntary, but familiar sense of protectiveness usually reserved for her own family.

“They’re valued at a billion dollars.” Kate said simply instead.

“I know, that’s why they’re a client,” Booth said with a wink, turning to Miles, “Miles, are you going?

Miles nodded, “I am. Sharma’s leading in the backroom though.”

“Great,” Booth clapped her on the shoulder, knocking the wind out of her just a little bit, “I’ll see you tomorrow Sharma. A lot riding on this one, hey?”

They left the conference room, leaving Kate entirely too alone with her thoughts and dreading what tomorrow would bring.

~~~

“Do you want a glass of wine Eddie?” Kate called from the kitchen. She popped the cork on a new bottle of her favorite Syrah, savoring the smoky, peppery aroma that filled the air.

“You know it!” Edwina yelled enthusiastically from the living room. Kate smiled to herself as she grabbed two glasses from the top shelf. She told herself she’d only have one glass, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be a heavy pour.

Kate made her way back to the living room and handed Edwina her glass. Her sister was sitting on the plump, emerald green couch Kate had bought with her signing bonus a couple years back. The living room was easily her favorite room in the apartment and, because of that, where she spent the most time. When she’d toured the apartment, she’d instantly fallen in love with the built-in bookcases and the stunning pre-war fireplace. The large bay windows looking out onto the street had sealed the deal. Sure, it was drafty in the winter and the floorboards creaked, but in her opinion, the pros far outweighed the cons. She sat down next to Edwina and tucked her feet under her. Newton had followed her from the kitchen and needed no further invitation to jump up, resting his head on her thigh.

“When’s the food supposed to get here?”

Kate reached for her phone to check DoorDash.

“Any minute now.”

“I’m hungry,” Edwina pouted and Kate laughed.

“Me too,” She took a big sip of her wine, savoring the taste, “How’s your week been?”

Kate listened to Edwina chatter away about work, about her coworkers, about the guy she had a crush on who she’d seen over the weekend, but her mind was elsewhere. It was on her conversation with Booth today. It was on the student loan debt greedily collecting interest in her account. And unfortunately, it was on Anthony, knowing she’d see him tomorrow and feeling resentful at herself for caring at all.

“Kate, you’re a million miles away. Are you even listening to me?”

“Sorry, I have this big thing at work tomorrow. I’m a bit nervous about it, honestly.”

Edwina nodded, urging Kate to continue.

“How is that project going?”

Kate swallowed, taking a second to respond.

“It’s good. It’s been quiet the last couple of weeks, but we have research tomorrow and Friday.”

Kate paused to take another gulp of her wine, “It’s been very cool actually learning about the company. It’s run by a family. The guy who runs it is quite young actually, about my age --,”

“Hot?”

Kate blushed, “Edwina, not everything is about if someone is attractive or not.”

Edwina swirled her wine glass and shrugged, “Most things are though.”

Kate rolled her eyes and Edwina continued, “You’re not responding because either you’re repulsed by him or he’s gorgeous and that makes you uncomfortable.”

She knows me too well. Unwillingly, an image of Anthony regarding her intently from behind those glasses drifted across her mind. She thought of how his fingers had felt in hers that night. The sounds he’d made against her lips. The passionate way he’d argued with her this morning, his brow furrowing in frustration.

“Your silence makes me think it’s the latter.” Edwina said smugly.

“No, my silence is because it’s totally inappropriate to discuss a client like this. He’s not a piece of meat.”

“Kate, you’re no fun. It’s just me. I’m just a lowly assistant with no sexy execs in my orbit to fantasize about.”

Kate was about to respond when her phone vibrated on the table, signifying a text coming through. She reached for it, feeling the thrum of anticipation that had become so familiar in the last few weeks.

‘Ryan’ instead flashed across the screen. Because she had no boundaries, Edwina peered over her shoulder as Kate opened the message.

“Who’s Ryan?”

“A friend.”

Ryan: Hey, hang tomorrow night?

Kate’s finger’s played over the keys. Normally she would have said yes in a heartbeat. She had met Ryan at Columbia and they’d become fast friends in their first year Financial Accounting class. He was a kind guy who had grown up in Wisconsin, was close with his family, and worked at another consulting firm in the city.

Ryan looked like an archetype of an All-American boy next door. Tall, muscled, blonde hair and striking dark blue eyes. Despite that he was undeniably attractive, they’d always been just friends. That had changed on one very drunken night around graduation that had started with way too much whiskey and karaoke and ended with him in her bed. Kate had felt relieved when he’d told her so clearly the next morning that he wasn’t looking for anything right now, but if she was okay with it, would love to hook up casually whenever the mood struck. The forthrightness with which he had said it had been refreshing and taking him up on his offer had been an easy choice. They had an uncomplicated friendship that occasionally ended up with one of them coming over after work, burning off some steam, and chatting afterwards as they got dressed and continued on with their night. Ryan understood her busy work schedule because he had his own to deal with. And the sex was good. Not mind blowing, not earth shattering, but good enough that most nights she headed home to her apartment feeling quite satisfied.

Which was why it made no sense to her when she responded the way she did.

Kate: I can’t. Have a work thing.

His little gray dots appeared quickly.

Ryan: Bummer

Ryan: Friday?

Kate: I’ll let you know. Kinda depends on how tomorrow goes.

Ryan: All good. Just shoot me a text. I’ll be around.

Kate put her phone down - face down this time to avoid any unsolicited glances from Edwina. Edwina raised an eyebrow at her.

“A friend?”

“Truly just a friend,” She smiled a bit, “A good friend.”

Edwina laughed at the smug look on Kate’s face.

“Kate, why I never!” Putting a hand to her chest in mock horror, “A friend with benefits?”

“I’d say it’s 80% friend, 20% benefits.” Edwina laughed, “That’s all I really have time for right now.”

Edwina looked at her contemplatively before taking another sip of her wine.

“You know, I’m really proud of you.”

“For having a friend with benefits?”

Edwina ignored her, “I know I give you sh*t all the time and it seems like the only thing on my mind is men,” she shrugged, “Which maybe is half true, but I know how hard you’ve been working. And I’m proud of you. You’re almost there.”

Kate met Edwina’s eyes and swallowed back what oddly felt like tears in the back of her throat, “Thank you.”

“I know it seems like it’s all I care about right now. I’m sorry about that.”

“Do not be sorry for one second for being successful.”

“I just really want it Edwina. So badly. I feel like everything I’ve worked for is culminating here.”

Kate felt her palms get sweaty even thinking about it. She wanted it, but she also needed it. Not that she was going to tell Edwina that. The bonus and salary bump would let her seamlessly pay off her loans. Kate was making good money, but between her apartment, the loans, Newton, and the cost of just breathing in the city, she felt like she could never catch up.

Edwina reached for her hand and squeezed, “I know you do, Kate. And you’re so close.”

“All I have to do is close this project out and then present my year end to the board in December.”

“That’s all huh?” Kate laughed and was about to respond when the doorbell rang, signaling that their food had arrived. The scent of Thai food was already wafting in as she padded to her door, Newton following excitedly behind her.

~~~~

Kate felt mixed emotions about the day ahead as she walked into the backroom of the research facility. The lights were dimmed and the room was completely empty. She arrived half an hour early to have a moment to herself. The backroom was small, but had two rows of stadium-like seating with countertops for laptops and notetaking. She put her bag down in the back row of seats, a preference carefully honed through dozens of projects. It was perfect for a good view of the participants, but gave a bit of privacy in case she needed to send a few clandestine emails.

Watching research was actually one of her favorite parts of the job. So much of her day-to-day was hearing execs pontificating about what they thought people wanted. She found that actually talking to customers was often incredibly enlightening. Especially if she could get those same execs in the room to actually hear what people had to say.

Booth had indeed confirmed he’d be coming when he’d reached out with a curt email asking for the details. Miles would be showing up as well and although she wasn't moderating herself, she still felt the butterflies in her stomach knowing both Partners would be there all afternoon. Managing a backroom was a fine line between giving everyone the space to actually listen to the research and highlighting the right nuggets of information to ensure she was steering the strategy in the right direction.

Anthony, Daphne, Benedict, and two of the other senior leads had all confirmed they’d be attending as well. Intellectually, Kate knew it was good for the clients to be involved, but in actuality when the clients were Anthony and his whip smart siblings it was a different, and altogether more intimidating, proposition.

Kate knew that being friends with her clients wasn’t what Booth had meant when he said “develop relationships”, but she genuinely liked getting to know the Bridgertons. Well, two thirds of the Bridgertons. The last third of their trio was becoming increasingly more of a distraction.

Kate sighed and glanced at her watch absentmindedly, wondering who would show up first. She had her answer quickly when Miles and Booth walked in, taking seats in the front row. They made small talk with Kate as they used the espresso machine in the corner to make themselves coffees before the research started.

Kate used the time to update them on the project. Miles listened to her intently and Booth nodded as she spoke, his eyes flicking to his phone every few seconds, clearly distracted. About fifteen minutes later, the three siblings arrived with two of the other Directors in tow. Kate stood, greeting everyone. There was a flurry of introductions and hand shaking to the Partners and Kate couldn’t help letting her eyes slide to Anthony as he shook Booth’s hand, laughing at something that he said, that broad smile lighting up his whole face. He caught her eyes and gave her a small nod.

She looked away quickly before suggesting they all sit in the front for the best view of the group. Benedict, Daphne and the other Directors put their things down quickly, bracketing Miles and Booth on either side.

Kate and Anthony were both still standing and she silently begged him to continue his pattern of avoiding her at all costs and sit in the front row.

Instead, Anthony made his way up the stairs to sit down next to her. He pulled out his laptop and shed his coat, draping it carefully over the back of the chair.

“I thought we could sit together. As much as I want to be up front, I know you’re the one closest to this project.”

He said it as a greeting and an explanation as she sat back down next to him.

“Of course,” She nodded back, “I was lonely up here anyways,” Why did I say that? She wanted to smack herself, but luckily Anthony didn’t seem to have heard her.

Benedict turned and bit back a laugh as he saw the two of them perched up there. Anthony glared at him over his laptop.

“I haven’t actually watched a focus group live before.”

She turned to face him, her face lighting up.

“Oh really? It’s quite fun actually,” she smiled and then backpedaled, “Or at least I think it is.”

He smiled teasingly at her, “Depends on your idea of fun I suppose.”

“Touché.”

Anthony swirled his chair to face her and his knees almost touched hers. He was frowning, clearly distressed about something. Kate racked her brain, trying to think of what had gone wrong with the project, if there were any last minute changes that might have upset him.

“Kate, listen I know I’ve been…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. She tilted her head, waiting for him to continue.

“You’ve been what?”

He was looking at her so intently that she barely even noticed when Benedict popped his head over the counter, effectively interrupting them.

“Hi you two,” Kate wished she could find it in her to be more annoyed, but Benedict was so good natured that it was nearly impossible.

“When do the groups start?”

Kate checked her watch again, “In about 5 minutes.”

“Brilliant. Are there any rules we should be aware of?”

She bit back a laugh, “Rules?”

“You know. No roughhousing, no running, no fraternizing,” He gave them a meaningful look and she flushed, grateful for the darkness of the room so that Anthony couldn’t see it, “That sort of thing.”

Kate saw Daphne deep in conversation with Miles and breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t overheard Benedict’s thinly veiled allusion.

“No rules. Just don’t scream. Take notes if you want. I’ll call out whenever I hear anything that could be important about the launch. It’ll be recorded too so while I hope you pay attention, there’s snacks and beers in here too if that’s more your jam.”

Benedict eyed the very stacked snack counter, “Excellent.”

“Don’t use that as an excuse to not pay attention Ben,” Anthony admonished and Benedict rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry boss. I’m all ears.”

“Do I need to remind you that I am literally your boss?” Benedict ignored him and raised his hand in a mock salute before returning to his seat.

“It’s a good thing he’s so good at his job or I would kill him.” Anthony whispered to her and she chuckled.

One of the research assistants popped their heads in to say the focus groups were about to start. Kate stood to turn the lights all the way down, effectively washing the room in an inky blackness. Everyone’s faces were illuminated in the artificial white light of their devices. She spoke to the room, going over the same guidelines she shared with Benedict.

Thankfully, the groups started without a hitch. Kate took notes as she listened, trying to ignore Anthony next to her. The darkness cocooned them in the back row and it had been a long time since Kate had felt so viscerally aware of someone’s sheer physicality next to her. His leg moving restlessly next to hers. The click of his fingers on the keyboard. His quiet exhale as he ran a hand over his hair lightly. She could smell the sharp, crispness of his cologne. The faintly soapy smell of his skin. He was wearing those glasses again and the simple knowledge that she knew what he looked like without them felt all together too intimate in this dark room.

Similar to their last few meetings, he on the other hand, seemed nothing but focused. He was watching the research intently. He looked straight ahead, remarking every few minutes on an interesting answer to a question or something a participant had said, but otherwise he barely looked at her. His indifference to her should have been a relief, but she found herself swirling in a mixture of embarrassment, hurt, and annoyance that was making her head spin.

Thirty minutes passed and then an hour into the two hour group. Daphne and Miles were chatting quietly, while Benedict and Booth had just cracked open a beer, seemingly deep in conversation. She wished she could have one, wished she had the confidence and nonchalance to offer one to Anthony, but the double whammy of having the Partners in the room and a client she was simultaneously trying to ignore and impress all in one was enough of a challenge without the added wrinkle of intoxication.

Kate stretched lightly, reaching her arms over her head. She was about to stand to get a bit of air when Anthony nudged her lightly with his elbow. She looked at him curiously and he nodded to the countertop in front of them.

He’d ripped a piece of paper from his notebook and scribbled on it.

Hi.

She bit her lip, but looked straight ahead as she responded and slipped the paper back towards him.

Hi?

Where are you from?

Shouldn’t you be paying attention?

Shouldn’t you? She shot him a playful glare.

England. She wrote back. He scowled.

Trying here Sharma.

She jotted. London. And then before passing it back wrote again.

Where are you from?

Also London. But my family moved here eight years ago.

Your family all live in the city? All seven?

Only five of them.

"Only"Kate scribbled back in large air quotes.

Anthony laughed and Booth turned around to look at them curiously. She tried her best to keep a straight face and Anthony busied himself with his computer. Booth turned back around and Anthony slid the paper back to her.

My mom’s American originally. We moved back here when my Dad died.

Kate met his eyes before scribbling back.

You don’t sound American.

I’m NOT . He wrote in all caps and underlined it.

I wish my Mom lived here. My sister does. I moved for business school four years ago.

And where did you do uni?

Oxford. My sister and I both went there. You?

Cambridge.

Kate rolled her eyes. Typical.

A smile played on his lips as he responded. And business school, was that in NY?

She nodded wordlessly.

NYU?

Columbia . She scribbled back and he raised his eyebrows.

Impressive.

Kate flushed. Thank you.

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to write what she did next.

I’m trying to impress you Anthony. I thought it was obvious.

Anthony looked up at her, his face half in shadow in the dim light. He met her eyes questioningly and her face burned. Kate felt raw and exposed. Something about putting it down on paper felt finite and irreversible. All at once she regretted her undisguised honesty with him.

His fingers played with the pen, seeming to be trying to figure out how to respond.

Kate was about to speak, when Mile’s voice cut through.

“Sharma, can you come here for a sec?” I want to see if we can adjust something in the discussion guide for tomorrow.”

Kate stood quickly, averting her eyes from Anthony as she went down to talk with Miles.

When she came back, he was absorbed again on his laptop. Kate looked ahead, willing herself to get lost in the research. As her eyes shifted to him quickly, she couldn’t help but notice the note they’d been passing, folded up neatly and tucked into the pages of Anthony’s notebook.

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

The Thursday focus groups wrapped around 6pm and Kate had made a quick exit. Feeling overstimulated from an afternoon spent in a dark room with both her bosses and Anthony, she needed the evening to herself to settle her fried nerves. She’d walked Newton, taken a long hot shower, wrapped herself in her favorite robe and promptly fallen asleep the second her head hit the pillow.

On Friday, she hadn’t been so lucky. The research had gone exceedingly well. Ostensibly, she’d sat next to Benedict and Daphne to be a good project manager, but really it was to avoid another afternoon passing notes to Anthony in the back row like she was still in high school.

However, her proximity meant she’d been helpless when Benedict and Daphne caroused her into getting drinks with them - and Anthony - afterwards. Anthony looked like he had a gun to his head when they suggested it, but his siblings ignored his excuses and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Miles and Booth overheard and of course jumped at the idea of continuing to develop their relationships with the Bridgertons.

After the research, they’d all headed to what Kate thought of as a prototypical Midtown bar for a few beers. Dark wood paneling, big screens alternating between college football and the NBA, and Bud Light and Stella Artois on tap. As expected, the crowd was mostly hom*ogeneous in their suits, ties and fervent rush to get inebriated on a Friday night.

They’d all crammed into one of the last available booths and debriefed about the research. As a method of self preservation, Kate had kept herself firmly planted as far away as she could from Anthony. Instead she’d occupied herself chatting animatedly with Benedict about one of the participants who had some hilarious opinions about Felix and wasn’t shy to share them.

As expected, Booth and Miles monopolized Anthony’s attention. Kate hadn’t mentioned he was the majority shareholder, but she wouldn’t have been surprised if it slipped out from Benedict or Daphne at some point during the day. While it sounded like Miles was genuinely trying to get to know Anthony, Booth was like a shark with blood in the water. He sniffed out new business opportunities with a ferocity that equal parts horrified and impressed Kate.

Kate snuck a glance at Anthony across the table. By the end of his first beer not only was he visibility more relaxed, but she could hear snippets of his conversation and the open excitement in his voice as he talked about his plans for Felix.

One drink turned into two and Booth and Miles both excused themselves to start the weekend with their families and kids. Kate had planned to do the same, but two beers in and with her bosses gone, she stopped pretending she wasn’t having an excellent time.

It was a Friday night and the city was thrumming. The four of them had ended up stopping for dollar slices and then sitting around a high top table at a charming, low key dive bar in the West Village. As they settled in, Kate was glad she’d chosen today to break out a new pair of boots and a long, slinky lavender sweater dress that buttoned all the way up the front. The dress had been hidden under a sweater in the dark of the back room, but as the evening slipped into night she yanked off her sweater. She liked the hint of her exposed collarbones and the way the dress clung to her hips.

The conversation had slowly transitioned from work and drifted on to travel - Kate had her eye on Greece and Daphne talked about her own honeymoon to Santorini and Paxos - more details about the huge Bridgerton family, and Kate’s own stories about Edwina, Mary, and Newton. They’d played a rousing game of Cheers to the Governor that left a few empty cans of beer on the table and Daphne and Kate nearly in tears from laughing so hard. As the game wrapped up, Kate spotted a vintage vinyl jukebox in the corner and bounded out of her seat to check it out.

She was leaning over the jukebox with laser focus, flipping through the stacks of vinyl, smiling to herself. The options were endless, but Kate only had enough change for three songs. She’d already queued up “Pour Some Sugar on Me” and “Dreams” and was deciding on her last pick when she felt someone sidle up next to her.

She turned to see Anthony leaning against the jukebox.

“Wanna help me pick out a song?”

He smiled, leaning over to look at the options, “What do you have queued up already?”

“A little Def Leppard.”

He raised an eyebrow at her in surprise. So far, the night had been a lot of group conversation and joking around. The two of them hadn’t had any one-on-one time which was for the better, but now as he stood a scant two feet from her, she felt the familiar flutter of butterflies in her stomach.

“I approve.”

“Good. I have Fleetwood Mac on deck. But trying to decide which New Order song to play as my last.”

“Ah New Order, I also wholeheartedly approve.”

“You like New Order?”

“Love them. My first concert actually when I was sixteen,” Kate smiled imagining a teenage Anthony seeing his first live show.

“I would have pegged you for more of a Classical music guy. Bach only,” she teased.

Anthony chuckled, “Sharma, you wound me. You think I’m that boring?”

His tone was joking, but she saw the genuine question in his eyes.

She shook her head. “Nobody said Classical was boring. It’s persevered for three hundred years for a reason,” Kate met his eyes, smiling, “What’s your favorite New Order song?”

“Blue Monday of course.”

She rolled her eyes, “Predictable Anthony.”

He laughed as he leaned against the jukebox, “Listen it’s predictable for a reason. That song is impossible not to dance to.”

Kate liked this version of him. A few drinks in on a Friday night. He’d unbuttoned his top button and his sleeves were rolled up. Maybe she liked it because it was far too reminiscent of the Anthony she’d met three weeks ago.

She looked at him skeptically, “You dance?”

“On very special occasions,” Anthony leaned in a little closer, conspiratorially, “Tonight does not count.”

She snapped her fingers in mock disappointment. It was Friday and they were out of the office and he was making it far too easy to flirt with him -- her dedication to professionalism was wearing thin.

“Well, I’ll put it on anyway and see what happens.”

He laughed as she pushed coins into the machine, tapping his fingers on the jukebox as the opening guitar chords of Def Leppard’s classic filled the room.

They made their way back to Daphne and Benedict and Kate found it hard to take her eyes off of Anthony across the table. As they cycled through the songs and “Blue Monday” came on, she shot him a challenging look and he smirked back. His fingers tapped on the table across from her and he nodded his head to the chorus.

As the song concluded and glasses were empty, Anthony volunteered to grab the next round. It wasn’t until Anthony was occupied at the bar getting drinks that she spotted someone familiar on the other side of the room. Ryan looked handsome as ever with his tall frame, dark blonde crew cut and bright blue eyes. He was leaning up against the bar talking to a couple of people she recognized, but didn’t know well from business school. He took a second to catch her eye and then smiled.

He motioned for her to come over. Spurred on by Kate’s jukebox choices, Benedict and Daphne were in a lively discussion about the merits of New Order vs. Joy Division and she didn’t think they’d miss her.

“One of my friends from school is over there,” She nudged her shoulder towards Ryan, “Do you mind if I go and say hello?”

“Of course not, go ahead,” Daphne smiled, recrossing her legs in yet another perfectly tailored dress that Kate filed away for future sartorial inspiration.

Kate glanced over at Anthony and noted with relief that he had his back towards her, waiting on the other side of the bar. She shook off the slight tinge of guilt she felt as she walked over.

“Hi!” She said as cheerfully as she could manage and Ryan leaned in and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

“Of all the gin joints,” He smiled crookedly at her, “Hi K,”

Kate laughed, looking up at him, “I’m actually here with my clients,” she said, tilting her head towards Daphne and Benedict.

“Those are your clients? They look like fun clients,” He said with good-natured jealousy in his voice. Ryan often worked on high pressure M&A projects and his clients were almost never fun.

“They are. Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t text you tonight.”

“All good,” he took a sip of his drink and she knew he meant it, “How’s the project?”

“It’s good. I’m very close to the Partner decision.”

“You’re going to get it,” She elbowed him playfully.

“Don’t jinx it!” And then she smiled, “But thank you. I hope I do so I can be done talking about it honestly.”

He laughed, tilting his head back. “You have been a little bit broken record-like lately.”

Kate feigned offense, “Hey! I have other interests.”

“Really? What are they?”

He looked at her doubtfully, “I ah…I have Newton.”

“He’s your dog. Try again.”

“I run?” It came out as a question.

“That counts, sort of.”

She smiled playfully at him. While the “benefits” part of their friendship was nice, Kate always valued the friendship part more. She’d never had any romantic feelings towards Ryan, even after they’d slept together, and his playful ribbing was always welcome.

“I should probably get back.”

Ryan looked over her shoulder and frowned, “Yeah, one of your clients is looking a little grumpy.”

She turned to follow his eyeline. Anthony was seemingly in conversation with Benedict and Daphne, but was scowling in their direction, his eyes boring into hers. She avoided his gaze and turned back to Ryan.

“What, you’re not allowed to talk to civilians on the clock?”

Kate shrugged even though she could still feel the heat of Anthony’s eyes on the back of her head.

“No, no of course not. I don’t know. He’s just…” She wasn’t going to try to explain the complicated dynamic with Anthony to Ryan, “Maybe they messed up his drink or something.”

Ryan nodded with understanding, “Ah, one of those.” Kate nodded, although by now she knew Anthony was the opposite of Ryan’s implication -- entitled and spoiled and exactly what she’d thought about him the first time they met.

“I’ll text you when this craziness is over,” Kate said.

Ryan leaned in, giving her a quick hug, his hand lingering on her waist for a split second more than was friendly. As Kate hugged him back, she realized that a part of her wanted Anthony to see them together. It was petty, but she wanted him to think of her as more than just an email address and a voice on the other end of the phone. That she was a real woman with desires and people who wanted to sleep with her and a life outside of all of this.

She turned back towards the Bridgertons and the glare she was met with was so icy, she almost shivered. That petty part of her triumphed, while her pride sent a flash of white hot frustration through her. Anthony had no right to look so resentful. He had made it exceedingly clear over the last few weeks that there was nothing between them.

Daphne and Benedict grinned at her as she returned. Anthony stood on the other side of the table, sipping his drink as he eyed her over the rim of the glass with that same cold stare.

“Thank you for the drink,” She said, meeting his eyes.

Anthony didn’t say anything, but instead gave her a small nod in response. Kate felt her body tense at his casual dismissal.

“How did you say you knew your friend again?” Daphne asked cheerfully. Kate reached for the frosty low ball glass sitting in the middle of the table and took a big sip.

“We were in the same class at Columbia. A bunch of us stayed in the city after graduation so we hang out a lot.”

“He looked like a little more than a friend,” Anthony said quietly. It sounded like an accusation and that same anger uncoiled further through Kate.

“Excuse me?” Kate looked at him pointedly.

Daphne shot Anthony a look, but ignored him, “That’s so fun, what did you say his name was again?”

“Ryan.” Kate replied.

“You’re welcome to ask Ryan to join us if you’d like,” Benedict piped in.

Kate smiled gratefully, but shook her head. She glanced at her watch and realized it was nearly midnight. She was shocked the night had slipped by so quickly. It felt like the right time for her to make her exit. She couldn’t stand here for much longer with Anthony glaring at her across the table without saying something she’d regret.

“That’s really generous of you, but I think I’m actually going to head out.”

Benedict pouted, “No stay! We haven’t even gotten to the karaoke part of the night yet.”

Kate laughed, taking another sip of her drink, not wanting it to go to waste, “Ha, I think that is definitely crossing the client-consultant line.”

Benedict took a smooth sip of his whiskey, “What line? I didn’t realize we were operating with a line.”

Daphne laughed, but elbowed him, “Let her go Ben,” she turned to Kate, “It was really fun to hang out.”

“It was. Thank you for inviting me out,” Kate said and despite how the night was ending, she meant it.

Daphne put a hand on Kate’s arm and leaned in. Kate could tell she was a little tipsy, “Truthfully I am excited for this project to be over so we can actually hangout. And then we’re definitely going to karaoke.”

Kate smiled genuinely as she hugged Daphne, “Deal.”

Kate reached for her bag, sliding her coat on and pulling her curls out from under the collar. She took a long swig of her gin & tonic and polished it off before finally meeting Anthony’s eyes. Saying good night quickly, she didn’t give him a chance to respond as she slid through the crowd that had filled in as the night wore on. It was hot in the bar and Kate felt the need for air, gulping it down as she pushed the heavy door open.

It was nearly November and the air was crisp. She rubbed her palms together, breathing into them and feeling grateful for the slight buzz she had keeping her warm. She needed the invigorating air. Her mind was spinning, her skin too hot, her entire body felt like it was vibrating with frustration.

Kate turned onto a far quieter side street on her way to the subway. Whereas 7th Avenue was brimming with people and well lit, this residential townhouse-lined street was only bathed in light from old fashion lamp posts every twenty feet or so. Lush ginkgo trees sloped over the narrow sidewalks and few houses still had their lights on. She was about three quarters of the way down the block when she heard footsteps behind her.

“Kate!” She turned around to see Anthony jogging down the block, simultaneously putting his coat on as if he’d left in a rush, “Wait up a minute!”

He reached her and she looked at him with confusion, making sure to keep enough space between them.

“What are you doing?”

He gulped in the cold air and damn him if he didn’t still look incredibly attractive panting and slightly breathless.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” He took another breath in, “You seemed upset when you left.”

Kate narrowed her eyes, shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat to keep them warm.

“Why would I be upset?”

“I don’t know.” He looked at a loss and she almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“I’m just tired Anthony. It’s been a long day.” He nodded.

“Oh ok, sorry,” He looked slightly embarrassed, and something in Kate snapped. He had no right to chase her down the block after glaring at her for twenty minutes straight and then have the audacity to look contrite about it.

“No you know what? I am upset,” She took a step closer to him, “You were rude to me in there. Why?”

She knew that she shouldn’t talk to him like this, but the gin, the wintery air, and the way the street lights were casting shadows on his handsome face was making her bold.

He shook his head, not meeting her eyes. “I wasn’t rude to you.”

“You were. I thought we were having a nice time. And now you won’t even look at me.”

“It was a bad idea for us to come out together,” He said and it felt like a reprimand. Kate felt a pang and frowned.

“You should have said that in the beginning. I wouldn’t have come,”

“No, no I don’t… that’s not what I mean, I…” He struggled for the words, “I just meant… I didn’t expect to see you… for you to be with…”

She cut him off, “I thought that the project was going well.”

“It is. It’s not the project.”

“What is it then? Do you not like that I’m hanging out with Daphne and Benedict?”

“No, no I’m glad you are,” he said, sighing.

“Ok got it,” She said and she couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice, “So you’re just treating me like sh*t because you feel like it?”

Kate took another step towards him against her better judgment.

“No of course not, I would never…” Anthony trailed off and then opened his mouth to speak again, but she kept going, angry now.

“I know it was easy for you to get past what happened between us.”

He frowned, “What are you talking about?”

She threw her hands up in frustration “See! I’m sure you haven’t even thought about it Anthony, but I have. I have been, and it hasn’t been so easy for me. I--”

He cut her off this time, his eyes finally meeting hers fiercely. It was his turn to look angry, “You think it’s been easy for me? Are you f*cking kidding me Kate?”

He ran a hand over his hair, “You’re all I can think about. You’re all I’ve been able to think about for the last three weeks.”

He took another step towards her, the space between them now inches instead of feet. Kate took a step backwards and felt her back hit the brick wall of the building behind them.

“Is that what you want to hear Kate? That I can’t get you out of my head,” He leaned in closer to her, his face bathed in the yellow street light. Her breath caught.

“How I thought about you that whole weekend after we kissed, wishing so badly I had taken you home, so that I could…”

He trailed off, and closed his eyes for a beat as if he was battling with himself to continue.

“Thinking about what I wanted to do to you. Killing myself over the fact I had no way to contact you.”

He took another step closer, resting one of his hands on the bricks behind her head, effectively trapping her, “Do you want to hear that I can’t sleep? That being around you drives me so f*cking crazy I can’t focus?”

She felt like there was no air between them. She knew she should push him away, gain the leverage back in the conversation, but she felt pinned to the spot by his eyes and his rough words and the warmth of his body so close to her. She could hardly breathe.

“I don’t understand,” She managed to get out, “You’ve barely talked to me the last few weeks.”

“You made it clear you weren’t interested Kate. I wanted to respect that,” He lifted a hand to her face and she couldn’t help herself from leaning into his palm, “But I can barely work, can barely think. I can barely f*cking breath when you’re around.”

“No that’s not…I want…” Her body moved without her permission, her hands going to his chest, grabbing at his lapels to steady herself.

He leaned in closer, his lips grazing her ear as he spoke, “Do you want to hear that sitting next to you yesterday was torture because I wanted to touch you so badly? That seeing someone else put his hands on you tonight made me feel like I was losing my mind?”

Anthony tilted his face back towards hers and he was so close, their noses were touching, his forehead almost pressed against hers. He searched her eyes and against all her better judgment, against everything screaming in her no this is a bad idea she gave a little nod and his hands were on either side of her face pulling her to him as he crashed his lips against hers.

It felt like a tightly wound spring inside her released as Kate reached for him, one hand pulling him tightly against her while the other wound into his hair. There was a desperation, a franticness to both of their movements as they kissed. His raw admission had pooled heat in her body, made her feel like she was going to explode out of her skin.

This time there was no hesitation from Anthony as he held her against the wall, pressing his body against hers. She couldn’t help but push her hips back, gasping for air at the feeling of him grinding himself against her.

As he kissed her thoroughly, he unbuttoned her coat with one hand and slid his hands underneath to hold her waist tightly. This time there was no mistaking the possessiveness of his touch as his hands roamed her body, one sliding up and squeezing her breast roughly through her dress. Kate groaned into his mouth and he grinned against her lips as he kissed her neck, using one of his knees to nudge her legs open. One of his hands ran up her thigh, pushing up her dress and gripping the bare skin of her hip tightly. She let him, her head falling back against the cool brick, feeling unbridled, not caring about the consequences, and grateful for the quiet street he’d followed her onto.

This time there was no question about what was going to happen next. This time it was Anthony who reached for her hand. Who smiled and led her the ten blocks up the cobblestoned streets to a large brick townhouse. Who squeezed her hand as he fumbled for his keys, and who yanked her inside the foyer, his hands back on her quickly, shoving off her coat and closing the door behind them. It was Anthony who murmured against her lips I’ve wanted this so much Kate as he pressed her up against the door, kissing her soundly before he pulled her up the stairs, their footsteps echoing into the night.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

Anthony didn’t bother to close the door behind them as he drew Kate into his bedroom. Without pulling his mouth from hers, he spun her in his arms so her backside was flush against his. All at once his hands were all over her. Kate couldn’t help the moan that escaped her as he gripped her hips, her waist, her ass. She tilted her head back as his lips attacked her throat. She could feel the vibration of his own, almost feral groans against her skin as he kissed down her jaw and across her pulse point. Anthony splayed one hand on her stomach, the other palming her breasts roughly and she couldn’t help but arch into his touch.

Kate spun around in his arms, wanting to see his face. Pale yellow light from the street filtered into the large windows, casting their skin in a golden glow. Anthony pulled away from her lips for a second, resting his forehead on hers. They were both breathless and she felt an overwhelming sense of deja vu as he grinned at her.

This time though they were not in a club, not in a bar, not sitting in a crowded restaurant. They were alone. The townhouse was quiet, the sounds from the street muffled through the windows. All she could hear was the sound of their breathing and the creak of the floorboards below them as she shifted her weight closer to him.

Kate smiled back widely, leaning forward and kissing him lightly, “Hi.”

“Hi,” he whispered back. His hands found her hair as he walked her backwards until the bed hit the back of her legs.

Anthony ran his hands over her waist as he kissed her, fingering the buttons of her dress.

“f*ck Kate, you in this dress… You look…” Anthony growled against her lips as his fingers played with the top button, “Can I?”

Kate nodded. Where his movements had been hurried before, his fingers were slow and careful as he slid each button out. His eyes fixed on hers as he revealed the swell of her breasts, the flatness of her sternum, the convexity of her ribs, his hands exploring her now bare skin.

As he got to her waist and navel, his hands slid back up to her shoulders, pushing her sleeves off and exposing her torso fully. Anthony breathed in sharply and his hands were back on the buttons, loosening the dress at her hips. As it fell to the ground, Kate felt a flood of vulnerability standing there in her pale pink lace underwear.

It was quickly pushed away as she saw his eyes drinking her in. Anthony slid his hands back to her ass and pulled her to him forcefully - their hips pulled flush together - as he crashed his mouth back against hers.

His lips on hers almost felt sinful and Kate pushed out the whirring thoughts telling her this is a bad idea, put your clothes back on and leave and instead pulled him closer. It was her turn now to touch and her hands explored his chest, his torso, reaching under the hem of his sweater and shirt to run a hand over his stomach. Not feeling much in the mood for taking it slow, Kate pushed both over his head, wanting his bare skin against hers. His hair was mussed and she reached up, raking her fingers through it.

Kate let her fingers roam his shoulders, his biceps, his abdominals flexing lightly beneath her fingers as she ran her nails up and down his torso.

She leaned in, kissing his jaw, his throat, finally brushing her lips against his ear.

“I also have thought about this…thought about you…”

She nibbled lightly on his ear lobe and felt him stiffen as he exhaled against her.

“..quite a lot,” she finished as she leaned back onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows and yanking him down on top of her.

“How much?” He asked, a mischievous smile crossing his lips as his fingers traced the cup of her bra.

“That is for me to know,” his fingers traced the other cup, pushing it down to play with her nipple.

“And you to…” Kate moaned and Anthony continued, bringing his lips to follow his fingers, tonguing her nipple roughly.

“Find out…” she exhaled. Kate couldn’t help but lean into his touch, pushing herself against his mouth.

Anthony’s hands reached to unclip her bra, pushing it to the side. Kate felt small in his hands as he spanned her ribcage, her lungs expanding as she inhaled under his touch.

Anthony’s lips trailed down to follow his hands, kissing her stomach, his tongue dipping into her navel, running along her hip bone and nipping at the skin there. His hands moved to her thighs, pushing them apart as his fingers slid up without hesitation to touch her through the thin lace.

He dipped a finger into the hem and Kate breathed in sharply. She wanted so badly for him to touch her that she couldn’t find it in herself to be embarrassed by how obscenely she pushed her hips against his fingers. By how she breathed out his name. By how she said please please please over and over again, begging like she never did.

By the time Anthony pulled her underwear off and plunged a finger into her, and then two, she already felt completely unraveled. And as he replaced his fingers with his mouth, his tongue and his lips sucking and licking at her not at all gently she couldn’t help but grind against his face. Anthony spread a hand across her stomach, pushing her down on the bed. His eyes met hers and the sight of him between her legs - a fantasy she’d had more than once coming to life so readily - ignited something feral inside her. Her org*sm hit her so suddenly, her head spun.

Kate felt shaken, crazed, untethered as he kissed her. She could taste herself on his lips and it was so arousing that she could barely form a thought. She shocked herself at how her body reacted when he asked her roughly -- as if he could barely get the words out -- if he could take her from behind. She felt herself nodding and realized there was no part of her left that wanted to say no to him at all.

He flipped her on her knees and Kate was vaguely aware of the sound of him unbuckling his pants and reaching into the drawer by the bed for a condom. She gasped as he pushed himself inside her, again the way he filled her, making her moan. His fingers dug into her hips, grasped at her ass, f*cking her hard and fast. Anthony leaned over, one hand grabbing at her hair and the other reaching to rub her cl*t. He whispered how he’d been thinking about having her this way since the night at the club and his admission was enough to push her over the edge again. She came hard, her whole body tightening around him. Kate felt his movements become more wanton and his thrusts less restrained. His fingers were tight on her waist as he finished inside of her.

Kate collapsed on her stomach. Her skin was hot, her body shaking lightly, her mind spinning. Anthony rolled off of her, but not away, his hands running over her back and down the curve of her ass. She was ruined. She felt his weight shift off the bed and the thoughts came before she could suppress them is he going to ask me to leave? She then felt the weight of a blanket over her naked body, the heaviness of his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

Kate turned her head to the side and their eyes met. She knew she should look away and avoid this moment of intimacy between them, but the way his hand reached up to brush her hair onto her bare shoulder made the idea of tearing her eyes away from him, untenable.

~~~~~~~~~

Kate woke up with the sun streaming in and panicked briefly. As she opened her eyes, she felt arms around her and the softness of unfamiliar navy blue bedding tucked around her naked torso.

Kate closed her eyes. She snuggled into Anthony and allowed herself the indulgence of not facing reality for a few more seconds. Their bodies were pressed so close together and he was holding her so tightly that somehow this moment felt more intimate than anything they’d done the night before.

She blinked her eyes open again and scanned the room curiously. It had been impossible to see anything as they’d stumbled in last night in the dark, but in the mid-morning sunshine the room was cozier and much more lived in than Kate would have expected.

Unable to contain her curiosity, Kate pulled herself out of Anthony’s arms and slid out of the bed. She shivered slightly in the cool morning air and reached for the first things she saw - her underwear and his sweater hanging lazily at the foot of the bed.

Kate tiptoed quietly on the wood floor. She smiled at the novel with a bookmark neatly tucked in its pages on his nightstand and his glasses set carefully next to it. She eyed the overstuffed armchair near the windows that looked onto the quiet street below. A couple of shirts were draped over the arms as if Anthony had been debating what to wear and ran out of time to put them away.

She glanced over her shoulder. Anthony was still fast asleep, his dark hair falling over his eyes. She couldn’t blame him. They’d fallen asleep sometime around 2am, but Kate had woken up a couple hours later, still shrouded in darkness and snuggled into his embrace. Against her better judgment she found herself intertwining her fingers with his and pulling his hand to her lips, kissing his knuckles softly.

If she was trying to minimize the damage she’d already done, the smart thing would have been to untangle herself from him, gather her clothes and slink quietly down the stairs and out the front door. She’d send him a polite, but professional text later that morning and say thanks for the great night but this can’t happen again.

That would be the smart thing to do. Instead Kate had been caught up in the liminal space of the still-dark early morning. She had found herself pulling his hand to her lips again, but this time unraveling their fingers and taking his ring finger to her lips, running her tongue along the tip lightly, before fully pulling him into her mouth and sucking up and down.

Anthony had stirred behind her as she pulled his middle finger into her mouth and she heard him exhale, clearly awake.

Kate couldn’t help but push her ass further against his hips. The heat of his body and weightiness of his arms were turning her on more than she’d care to admit. She needed the friction too. He didn’t say anything, but Kate could feel how hard he was becoming as he pushed himself against her. She moaned lightly at the cadence of his hips as she pulled his pointer finger in her mouth. Anthony finally let out a groan behind her.

“Kate, holy f*ck,” he breathed out raggedly.

All of a sudden the hand that was in her mouth was gripping her jaw, her chin, turning her face to his roughly and pulling her mouth to his.

“You f*cking tease,” he barely got out as he kissed her hungrily and then that same hand was on her hip, pushing her legs apart.

His fingers were on her, not slow this time, but instead shoving inside her greedily. She heard him swear at how wet she was and she writhed against him as he f*cked her slowly with his hand. Her groans became more desperate, his movements behind her more frantic and he removed his hand, grasping at her hips and pushing his co*ck inside her. His hands roamed her body, circling her cl*t, squeezing at her breasts and Kate had come again, loving the feeling of his hands still on her as she fell. His rhythm had sped up as he climaxed and then collapsed, spent, against her shoulder.

They had fallen asleep tangled together and she was exhausted herself, but it didn’t stop her from walking quietly across his bedroom and out the open door.

The bedroom seemed to be the only room on the third floor. It opened up onto a landing and the majestic wooden staircase they’d all but run up the night before. Kate peaked her head over the railing, looking down. The rooms she could see were paneled in wood or painted in rich shades of navy, cream or maroon. She thought she saw a fireplace through one of the open doors and light flooded in through large bay windows. Anthony’s room looked over the street, but she could make out trees and what looked like a small patio towards the back of the house.

The house was undeniably beautiful and felt so very much like Anthony that she couldn’t help imagining spending more time here. She felt a small sadness when she reminded herself that this likely should be -- no, would be -- her last time in this house.

Kate crept back into the bedroom, noticing a wooden bureau on the side of the room. There were a handful of picture frames and if Kate was making a bet she’d guess they were probably photos of the seven siblings.

She made her way over to the window, glancing out again at the view onto what she realized was Bank Street - a charming six block stretch of the West Village right off of the Hudson River.

“Find anything interesting?” Kate turned around to see Anthony propped up against the pillows, a lazy smile on his face. His hair was messy and he still looked half awake.

She shrugged, “Eh, not so much. This place is…” she pretended to search for the words, “Just fine.”

He laughed, “Yes well, I knew bringing you back here was a risk, but in the moment it was one I was willing to take.”

She blushed, reminded of their evening, and wrapped her arms around herself. Even in his sweater the morning was still chilly.

“It’s all yours?”

Anthony nodded.

“How long have you lived here?”

Anthony was watching her curiously, and Kate realized she was pacing nervously at the foot of the bed. She stopped and tried to project a semblance of calm despite her mind racing. She wondered what direction he’d take this morning-after conversation.

“I bought it about four years ago. It’s a bit too big just for me, but it serves as a good place to crash for my family on the rare occasion,” Kate felt his eyes still on her body as he followed her movements.

“My sweater looks good on you.”

She blushed again, “I was cold.”

“Come back here then,” Anthony said. It wasn’t a question and Kate crawled back onto the bed, again surprising herself that not only could she not say no to him, but that she also didn’t want to.

Anthony pulled her on top of him and rolled his body over hers. One of his hands played with the hem of the sweater, his fingers warm against her skin.

“I think I like it better on you,” he said wolfishly as he nuzzled her neck.

There was a lot Kate knew she should say to him. She should explain that she never slept with people she worked with. That this was purely casual. She should say anything to get the upper hand in this situation. She should put her clothes on and dismiss him in the way that she had done to many men, many times before.

Kate should have said all of those things, but the heaviness of his body over hers made it impossible to get the words out. Instead she met his eyes, and wrapped a lazy arm around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His body was still warm from sleep and she let her tongue play lazily with his. His hands roamed under the sweater, settling on her waist and pulling her closer to him.

“Last night was…” he paused and she filled in the blanks. Her mind spiraled a bad idea, a mistake, not something that should not happen again.

“Not a big deal,” she said, trying to head him off.

His frown was unexpected, “What do you mean?”

“Nevermind,” she turned away from him, pressing her face into the pillow.

Anthony rolled off her and then nudged her lightly. Kate peered over the pillow at him.

“I just…” She bit her lip, “I didn’t want to freak you out. I know we work together. And we probably shouldn’t do this, you know?”

Anthony nodded, “Do you not want to do this?”

Kate shook her head, “No, I…” she was about to try to explain, but instead swore.

Sometime between the dollar slices and coming back to Anthony’s house, she’d texted Edwina begging her to walk and feed Newton. Kate tilted her wrist to glance at her watch - nearly 10am. That had been almost twelve hours ago. The corgi needed to go out and have his breakfast or chaos would likely soon ensue.

She shot up quickly, pulling herself out of bed and looking for her clothes that were strewn across the room.

“What’s wrong?” Anthony looked concerned as he sat up, the comforter pooling around his hips. Kate did her best to ignore how delicious he looked naked in bed like that.

“Nothing, I just totally spaced and realized I left my dog home with no one to walk him this morning.”

“Oh good okay, so nothing serious,” Anthony smiled good naturedly as he got out of bed to follow her, pulling on his boxers. She shot him a glare.

“It is serious. He’ll be very grumpy with me. And hungry,” He laughed and she ignored him as she hunted for her bra with no success.

“Here,” She looked up. Anthony was holding her bra. A flash of his lips sucking at her through the thin lace rocketed through her and she blushed.

She grabbed it, avoiding his eyes as she put it on, “Thanks.”

Her dress was scrunched at the side of the bed and she pulled it on. She exhaled in frustration as she remembered that every single button was loose. As she concentrated on buttoning it up, she could feel Anthony’s eyes on her again.

“Can I come with you?”

She looked at him in confusion, “Come with me?”

“Yes,” Anthony said as he took a step closer to her, “To walk your dog. Maybe we could grab some coffee? Breakfast?”

“You want to come all the way back to Brooklyn with me?”

“Well now that I know you live in Brooklyn I take it back,” he said jokingly.

“You know you don’t have to do that. We can just leave this,” she motioned between them, “as a one night kind of thing. If that’s what you want.”

Kate saw something that suspiciously looked like disappointment flash across his face. She regretted saying it, but she couldn’t get the inevitability out of her head that Anthony would wake up on Monday morning and change his mind. Not only would she feel the sting of his rejection all over again, but she couldn’t help but think he wouldn’t want her on the project anymore. Putting everything she’d worked for over the last few years in jeopardy wasn’t an option she was willing to consider.

Anthony took another step closer to her and wrapped his hands around her wrists, stilling her work on the buttons. His eyes were dark and sincere as he looked down at her.

“And what if that’s not what I want?”

Kate bit at her bottom lip. She should say no. She should tell him thanks, but no thanks. It was a great night but he would not be seeing her apartment, he would not be meeting her dog, and they definitely would not be extending this mistake any further into the daylight hours.

Instead she found herself smiling. She rubbed her thumb against the inside of his wrist and shrugged,

“I guess you can come to Brooklyn then.”

~~~~~~~~~

It was the second time in twenty-four hours that Kate woke up, disoriented and not sure of the time. At least she was in her own bed at the moment. She rubbed her eyes and the long shadows across the room told her it was late afternoon.

The day came back to her quickly as she rolled over, expecting to feel Anthony laying next to her and surprised when she didn’t feel the warmth of his body. They’d fallen asleep together, napping in the middle of the afternoon -- she couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that. Kate sat up, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror and pulled her now messy hair back into a loose bun.

Kate walked into the living room and found it empty too. She frowned as she sat down on the couch. She’d been unsure what to expect from their morning in Brooklyn. Part of her predicted that the post-coital ease between them would wear off and leave behind a tense subway ride and an awkward regret as Anthony looked at her and wondered why he was in Park Slope on a Saturday morning with someone he worked with.

She wasn’t expecting the way he grinned - wide and genuine - when she unlocked her front door and Newton bounded towards them. She definitely wasn’t expecting Anthony to pick Newton up and cradle him like a baby, the image of the rotund corgi in his arms making her melt. Newton not only acquiesced, but pawed at Anthony’s face enthusiastically.

Kate had changed quickly into jeans and sneakers. When she emerged from her bedroom, she wasn’t expecting him to look so at ease. She was concentrating on tying her hair into a braid and when she glanced up she was stunned by how perfectly he fit, petting Newton and smiling up at her in his knit beanie and sweater.

She didn’t plan on liking it so much when he had remembered how she took her coffee and insisted on paying for it. They’d gotten bagels too and had taken their time leisurely walking through Park Slope. It was the end of autumn and there were more leaves--in shades of ochre and scarlett-- littering the sidewalk than left on the trees.

Anthony hadn’t taken her hand, hadn’t touched her other than a light hand on her lower back as he ushered her into the coffee shop. Kate was both grateful for the reprieve from the intensity of their physical chemistry and also yearned to touch him in a way that was foreign. He had clearly picked up on her apprehension this morning, but as he walked next to her, she couldn’t help but feel like any small space between them was simply too much.

Prospect Park was buzzing and they had eventually cut in, joining the maelstrom of morning joggers, families toddling around with strollers and toddlers on scooters, and other people walking their dogs. The air smelled like firewood and coffee and wet leaves. Kate cupped her hands around her cup, warming them in the crisp air. Bright red maples lined the path they took as they followed Newton’s lead.

Kate shouldn’t have been surprised, but she found herself relaxing into their conversation. She told him more about her time at Columbia, her early days in New York, the friends she’d left behind in London who she missed terribly, but talked with often in a group text that constantly lit up her phone. Anthony listened intently, asking her thoughtful questions and revealing more about himself. He told her all about Cambridge. How he’d been the captain of the crew team, but had been forced to quit his junior year, burnt out and exhausted. He told her more about his family. Six out of the eight were out of college and independent while the youngest two, Gregory and Hyacinth were still finishing up college and high school. They still lived on the Upper East Side with their mother in what Kate guessed was an even more palatial townhouse than the one she’d slept in the night before. The way that Anthony talked about his siblings - kindly, proudly, but also apprehensively - as if he was worried they might take a wrong step at any minute, was familiar. Kate knew that feeling well. She had lived it, trying to protect Edwina from the world at every turn, especially after their father had died.

They’d made nearly a full loop around the Long Meadow when Anthony had pulled her off the path -- Newton following obediently --and steered them into a tucked away cluster of trees. Anthony had crowded her, the same way he had that first night in the club and the same way he did last night, pushing her back against a tree and leaning in to kiss her firmly, his fingers playing on her belt loops, one hand sliding into her hair.

He’d pulled back, a boyish grin on his face as he told her in a low voice that he’d wanted to do that all morning. Kate responded by looping her arms around his neck, pulling him flush against her in the cold morning air. They’d stayed like that, kissing quietly against the tree like teenagers until Newton had nuzzled at their ankles and started to yip. They’d pulled apart, flushed and jittery and headed back towards the apartment.

It had been mid-afternoon when they got back and Kate found herself exhausted. Her eyes drooped as she unlocked the door. She wasn’t much of a napper, but something about the pull of his hand in hers as he yanked her onto the bed made it hard to resist.

After all of that took her so pleasantly by surprise, she definitely wasn’t ready for the sharp pang of disappointment as she’d felt as she turned on the lights to reveal a vacant living room. She’d been living alone for two years, but somehow the apartment felt emptier than usual. Newton followed quietly behind her, pressing his wet nose to her ankle.

Kate rested her head against the back of the couch and tried to reason with herself. What was she expecting from him? It had been a wonderful day, but that didn’t mean he was obligated to be there when she woke up. It was a Saturday and Anthony probably had plans: things to do, people to see, maybe even dates to go on. She didn’t like the thought of it, but couldn’t deny that he had every right to.

She reached for her phone in her jeans, allowing herself to hope that he’d texted, and then felt even more disheartened when her lock screen was blank. She scrunched her nose up in frustration. Frustration at herself for wishing he’d texted and even more so at him for not texting at all.

Again, she reasoned, he didn’t owe her anything. Kate took a deep breath in and out. She fixed her eyes on the street outside as the light started to dim through the trees.

Kate was so focused on trying to calm herself down that the jingle of keys in the door didn’t register as hers until she heard the squeak of the floorboard in her doorway and nearly jumped out of her skin. She reached for the nearest thing to protect herself, clutching a throw pillow against her chest.

Anthony regarded her with bemusem*nt, as he closed the door quietly behind him. He was holding what looked like a bag of groceries in one arm.

“You okay there?”

“Where did you come from?” she demanded, still holding the pillow to her chest.

“Downstairs,” She shot him a look as he put the bag down on her kitchen table and turned to face her.

“I borrowed your keys. You were so sound asleep, I didn’t want to wake you, but I figured you might eventually want dinner so I went to get some stuff,” he said as he pulled out pasta, a hunk of parmesan cheese, eggs, and bacon, and a bottle of wine. He saw her confusion and his face fell.

“I’m hoping you like carbonara? Or at least wine?” He pulled his hat off, running a hand over his hair.

“Oh shoot, I didn’t even think, do you have dinner plans? That was presumptuous of me.”

Kate wasn’t sure if it was the discombobulation from waking up in the middle of the afternoon or the hopeful look he had on his face, but she felt like her mind was working in slow motion.

“I don’t have dinner plans.”

Anthony breathed out a sigh of relief, “Oh good. Otherwise I’d be eating a lot of carbonara myself.”

“You want to make me dinner?”

He smiled, “You’re full of questions.”

“I thought you just headed out.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Without saying goodbye?”

She shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant, “You didn’t text.”

Anthony pulled his phone out of his back pocket, “I was going to, but my phone died. I was a little…” he met her eyes, “Preoccupied last night and didn’t charge it.”

Kate blushed as she realized that her anxiety had been misplaced, “Oh.”

Anthony came closer, leaning over the back of the couch and into her space.

“So do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like carbonara?”

“Hmmm…” Kate pretended to think, biting her bottom lip contemplatively, “I definitely like wine.”

“Don’t play with me, Sharma,” he warned, but his voice was light.

She smiled, “But it’s so fun,” Kate leaned forward, tracing a finger over the lapels of his jacket, as she yanked him closer to her, “You’re in luck, Bridgerton. I happen to love carbonara.”

“My lucky day,” Her fingers wrapped around his jacket as she kissed him.

Anthony smiled against her lips and let her pull him over the back of the couch, pinning her against the cushions, the carbonara, all but forgotten.

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Kate sat at her desk on Tuesday afternoon, tapping her pen against her lips and trying desperately to focus on the data set currently spread across her two monitors. The mug of green tea she’d been drinking had long gone cold as she lost herself in the numbers. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was already low in the sky, casting a surreal orange glow across the desks at Strategy&.

Along with preparing for a meeting with Felix tomorrow, she was also kicking off the forecasting and data portion of their work. The end result would be worth it, but getting there meant sales numbers and performance reports, and Excel till her eyes bled. The day was droning on and the buzzing of her phone next to her was a consistent--albeit not entirely unwelcome--distraction.

It chirped next to her and she glanced down, feeling her stomach jump when his name flashed across the screen. She flipped the phone face down on the table. Willpower Kate. She looked back at the spreadsheet, but found her mind wandering.

The rest of the weekend with Anthony had passed by in a warm and lazy blur.

On Saturday night, Kate had finally pushed him off the couch, her hunger outweighing how good he’d felt, warm and sturdy on top of her. Finally after some protest, he’d obeyed and poured them both heaping glasses of red wine as he got started. Despite his insistence that he was fine on his own, that same magnetic pull that had made it nearly impossible not to touch him on their walk that morning, pulled her into the kitchen to watch him cook.

Kate had sat on the kitchen counter across from him, kicking her heels against the cabinets just like she used to as a child. She watched him chop and stir, and had gotten progressively more charmed by the way his hair stood up on all ends in the heat and the meticulous way he measured ingredients as if his life depended on it.

Anthony had requested a soundtrack and she’d put on her favorite Bruce Springsteen album. Unable to resist and still in her socks, Kate had taken a running start and slid into him, using a spatula as a makeshift microphone while she sang along to “Dancing in the Dark”. Anthony had teased her for having the musical taste of an American dad desperately trying to relive his youth, but then had put down his knife and pressed her up against the cabinets, kissing her senseless until the water started to boil.

They’d eaten the carbonara cross legged on the couch and fallen into conversation. The early evening had unwound into the deep blue of twilight, and Kate’s nervousness about what the night held gave way to the hours sinking easily away between them.

Kate had found herself telling him about how hard she’d been working to get to Partner. About the long nights and the weekends and how tired she was,something she hadn’t really realized until she said it out loud. She’d told him how the culture at Strategy& left much to be desired. How it felt to be the only woman in most of the rooms she walked into, the unsettling feeling of eyes on her. As he listened, Kate felt something unwind within her, the heaviness she knew so intimately from the way it wrapped tightly around her chest, alleviated.

Before she could think twice about it, she’d asked shyly if he wanted to spend the night. After all, he was out in Brooklyn already and she’d told him she was concerned for his safety this late at night on the subway. He’d grinned at her and just like that she had found herself spending an entire weekend with Anthony Bridgerton.

The phone buzzed again, pulling her out of the memory and back into the Excel file and the strong sense of procrastination she was feeling take over. She sighed in defeat, reaching for her phone. Kate wasn’t a texter. She usually found it a distraction -- like right now -- and only used it to make plans and confirm logistics. She didn’t do this, but somehow she’d been glued to her phone the last couple of days, a rush of adrenaline hitting her square in the chest whenever a new message came in.

She leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs, as she read his text.

Anthony: How’s your afternoon?

Anthony: was just thinking of you

Innocent enough. Kate’s fingers moved to type out a response when the little gray dots appeared on the screen indicating he was typing again.

Anthony: cannot stop thinking about Sunday morning

Anthony: and your mouth

Kate felt her entire body flush. She’d woken up on Sunday morning, far less hungover than the day before and had felt the urge to return the favor that Anthony had so generously done her on Friday night.

He had still been asleep next to her on his back, his skin warm, one arm draped lazily over his head. She’d admired the way his biceps bulged against the pillow, the sharp line of his jaw, the sculpted contours of his chest, his stomach. She’d taken a mental picture, before climbing on top of him, kissing his chest and the v-line of his hips. Her hair had trailed across his stomach and he’d woken beneath her, his hands finding her hips as he tried to ask what she was doing.

His eyes were half-open as she pulled his co*ck into her mouth. She swallowed him all the way back into her throat and loved how he groaned, the f*ck Kate that fell from his mouth, the way his hands instantly went to her hair, his hips trying to hold back from bucking against her mouth.

She had looked up, meeting his eyes and nodded, encouraging him to thrust as she held the length of him against her tongue. Anthony had slowly f*cked her mouth, her name spilling from his lips as he came hard down her throat. Despite blushing furiously in the middle of her crowded office, she liked that she was not the only one who’d been playing that memory on replay.

Kate: You need to send a NSFW warning before you say something like that

His response came almost instantly.

Anthony: Would you rather I not share

Kate closed her eyes and imagined Anthony at his desk. She imagined him driven to the point of distraction, thinking of her, remembering how his co*ck had felt pulsing in her throat. The visual was so hot for a second she forgot where she was.

Kate: I didn’t say that

Kate: I’ve been thinking about you too

The dots appeared, paused and she took the time to tease him a little further.

Kate: What else are you thinking about?

Anthony: Don’t start something you’re not ready to finish

She leaned back against her chair, stretching her legs and reached her arms over her head. While admittedly, she’d rather sit here texting Anthony for the rest of the afternoon there was still a lot more work she needed to get done before their meeting tomorrow.

Kate: You know what you’re right

Kate: I’m working on a presentation for a meeting I have tomorrow with this terrible client

Kate: so I probably shouldn’t be texting

Anthony: Terrible huh? Do I know him?

Kate: Don’t think so

Kate: He’s British

Anthony: So he can’t be that bad

Kate: Eh.

Kate: Thinks rather highly of himself

Kate: Arrogant

Kate: co*cky

He was typing at the same time as her and his message popped up before she could finish

Anthony: Devastatingly handsome?

Kate bit back a laugh.

Kate: Mmm I wouldn’t know. I don’t really see him that way

Anthony: Now I know you’re lying

Kate: ;)

Kate put her phone face down on the desk and thought back to the way Sunday had unspooled so languidly in front of them.

By noon on a Sunday, Kate usually had gone for a run, cleaned her apartment, and walked Newton. Instead she and Anthony had slept in, made a much needed pot of coffee and toast and watched a movie snuggled up on her couch.

Kate had been surprised when she didn’t feel the usual anxiety creeping up as the weekend dwindled to a close. Anthony was a good distraction - all warmth and rumpled hair and laughter against her skin. As the afternoon wore on, they’d hit a point where it became inevitable that he needed to head home. Anthony had followed her to Brooklyn in a sweater and jeans and by his own admission needed to change his clothes and get ready for the week.

Kate had sat cross-legged on the bed in her favorite threadbare extra large Columbia sweatshirt. There was a chill in the air and she buried her hands in the sleeves, watching Anthony as he got dressed. She felt a pang as he pulled his knit hat over his head, signaling his departure. He turned to face her.

“So,” he’d started, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“So…”she volleyed back to him, trying to catch his eye, but failing.

He stood at the edge of the bed and she could see the tension in his body in the way he kept glancing down at this watch and the firm set of his jaw as he looked at her.

“You seem nervous,” she said as she watched him.

“I’m not,” he took the hat off, running a hand over his hair.

“This weekend was…” he trailed off and Kate waited for him to continue, “I haven’t felt…” he searched for the words.

Something inside her sank as he stumbled. She had heard this speech before and while she preferred to be the one to give it, it was not unfamiliar territory.

“Anthony, you don’t have to say anything. It was a great weekend, but if you want to leave it at that, we can.”

He frowned, “What?”

“Isn’t that what you’re trying to say?”

“Is that what you want?”

She shook her head, “No.”

Anthony sat down next to her on the bed and she couldn’t help but slide her fingers down his arm, reaching for his hand.

She felt a small comfort as he intertwined his fingers with hers, “That’s not what I meant. I’m saying this all wrong.”

She squeezed his fingers lightly, “Maybe you should start over.”

“Maybe I should,” he smiled, the intensity of his eyes almost overwhelming, “Can I see you again this week?”

“You’ll definitely see me at our meeting on Wednesday,” she joked.

“That doesn’t count.”

She paused letting the silence stretch between them for a moment, then two, pretending to think it over. The same voice in the back of her head needled her that she shouldn’t get more involved with her client than she already was, but it was hard to say no. She didn’t want to say no.

“Well,” she rubbed her chin contemplatively, “I am incredibly busy this week, but I suppose I could pencil you in.”

He sucked in breath and she laughed, elbowing him lightly.

“I’m kidding Anthony,” she leaned in, kissing him, surprising herself how easily that yes had come, “I’d love to see you.”

Anthony breathed out a sigh of relief and she laughed. He glared at her, “Damnit Kate, why do you have to do that?”

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but his hands were in her hair, cradling her jaw, pulling her to him before she could say anything. The kiss was searing, and he held onto her as if he was trying to prove something, imprint himself on her. He had pulled her bottom lip between his teeth and she’d moaned lightly against his lips.

Her inbox dinged, signaling a new email and bringing Kate back to the fact that it was Tuesday afternoon and there was still a lot to be done before she wrapped up. She tossed her phone in her bag and rested her head against the back of her chair, willing herself to find a scrap of discipline to help her through their presentation tomorrow. Anthony was distracting enough showing up in her text messages. She didn’t want to think about how difficult it would be for her to focus with him sitting across from her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate had been joking when she’d said they’d get to see each other at the meeting, but on Wednesday morning, she found herself waking up before her alarm clock, her entire body buzzing with anticipation. Anthony and Kate had come to the unfortunate realization that somehow the week had turned against them and neither of them were free until Friday. Anthony was traveling Monday and Tuesday. Kate always went for a long run on Wednesday night and tried her hardest not to reschedule it and had dinner plans with a friend on Thursday.

When she’d kissed Anthony goodbye on Sunday afternoon those five days had seemed like nothing. Kate was busy and usually worked until 10pm every night so she was surprised when the last forty eight hours had crept by slowly and somewhat painfully. The anticipation followed her on the subway and flooded through her chest as she rode the elevator up with Miles to Felix.

Kate took a deep breath as the doors opened up onto the well-lit floor of the Felix offices and she saw Rob the receptionist sitting at the front desk again. He recognized them, especially Kate who had now been here a handful of times over the last month and led them to the same conference room they’d used at the kickoff meeting.

This time though, Anthony was not late. He was already sitting with his back facing them in one of the leather chairs, finishing an email intently on his laptop. Benedict and Daphne appeared to be already dialed into the Zoom screen. Kate checked her watch quickly - she breathed a sigh of relief as she realized they weren’t late, but rather the Bridgertons had chosen today to be impeccably punctual.

Anthony spun around as their footsteps approached, standing up and greeting both of them. Kate found herself absorbed in the handsome planes of his face, his broad smile, the curl of his hair around his ears. He shook Miles’ hand first and then turned to Kate.

“Kate, good to see you again,” he extended his hand, and Kate took it, feeling off kilter. It felt odd, seeing him this way. All of a sudden she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined the whole weekend.

“Good to see you too,” she managed to get out. He squeezed her hand lightly before letting go.

“Should we get started?” Anthony motioned to the seats across from him and they both sat down.

“Hiya Kate!” Benedict called from the Zoom screen and Daphne popped on camera, saying hello cheerfully.

As Anthony talked to Miles, the surreality of watching him like this, across the table, the same man who had been in her kitchen and in her bed, was making Kate’s head spin.

She made her way through the presentation. Through the directional insights that so far pointed that this product expansion was the right way forward for Felix. She caveated by saying that they still had to do the full forecasting model, but that she was happy with the consumer feedback as it stood.

Daphne and Benedict had asked a series of follow up questions, bringing up notes they’d taken during the research. Kate could feel Anthony’s eyes on her as she presented, comforted by the heat of his gaze, despite his purely professional facade.

They wrapped up after about forty-five minutes, deciding on another meeting in two weeks to review the final forecast and recommendation from Kate. Daphne and Benedict hopped off and Miles excused himself to go to the bathroom, leaving Kate and Anthony across from each other in the empty room.

She had a chance to fully look at him - dark green flannel shirt and khakis, the glasses back on, tapping a pen against the table as he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

“Hi,” she said dumbly, chewing on her bottom lip, not sure of what else to say.

He smiled at her across the table, “Nice presentation.”

“You’re just saying that,” she challenged and Anthony chuckled.

“I’m not!” he protested, then more seriously as he met her eyes, “I wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

Anthony smiled slyly at her, clicking his pen as he leaned forward across the table.

“Who do you think I am Sharma? Praising someone’s work just so I can get something out of it?”

Kate shrugged, crossing her legs primly. She was wearing a navy blue skirt -- on the shorter side for what she usually wore to work -- and didn’t miss the way his eyes followed the flash of her thigh as she shifted. It was intoxicating, this power, the feeling of his gaze on her.

“I don’t know what you’d be referring to,” Kate watched as he rubbed a thumb across his jaw slowly, his eyes still fixed on her, seemingly lost in thought.

A moment passed, then another. The stillness of the room, the hot morning light streaming through the windows, the short space between them across the table, the emptiness of the hallway behind him lured her into a false sense of safety. One in which all she wanted to do was walk around the table and kiss him. It was dangerous, this feeling that they were the only two people in the world.

Anthony started to speak, but Miles rounded the corner and he bit back his words.

“Ready to head out Sharma?” Miles asked and Kate nodded, grabbing her laptop off the table.

Miles shook Anthony’s hand and then shouldered his bag, making his way towards the elevators. Kate was about to follow him, but as she was pushing her things into her bag, her pens spilled across the floor.

She cursed and Anthony was immediately kneeling next to her, “Let me,” he said as they both reached for the scattered pens.

His fingers closed over her hand, stopping her and meeting her eyes darkly.

“Thanks,” his thumb on her wrist, even for that split second felt obscene in the broad daylight of the conference room.

They stood up together and Kate found herself all too close to him. She took a step backwards.

Anthony cleared his throat suddenly and Kate heard a knock behind her. There were a few more Felix employees who she hadn’t met clearly waiting to use the conference room.

“I should probably get going. I’m sure that you have things to do…” She trailed off, gnawing on her bottom lip.

Anthony’s eyes trailed her, following her lips as they moved, “Right, right. Thank you again for the presentation. I’ll see you soon I guess?”

She nodded, meeting his eyes for a split second more before turning and walking out of the conference room, all but sprinting to catch up with Miles. Luckily, he was completely absorbed in whatever email he was responding to and didn’t seem to notice she hadn’t been with him.

They grabbed a cab back to the office and the rest of the day passed slowly. Kate continued to work on the demand planning and forecast, fielded a few calls from other clients, and intermittently let her mind drift to the morning and the way that being in the same room with Anthony increasingly made her feel like the sun was shining in her chest.

She got caught up in Excel and it wasn’t until well past 7pm that she looked up and saw the sun was far below the horizon. Kate rubbed her temples, realizing that she most definitely needed a break.

When Anthony had suggested Wednesday -- as much as she almost regretted it now -- she had declined.

Her Wednesday evening run was one of her favorite rituals. While she did her Park Slope loop religiously, when she came to the office midweek, no matter how late it was she always brought her sneakers and a change of clothes to squeeze in a run on the West Side Highway before she headed home. It had long been one of her favorite places to run in the city. It was unparalleled -- the long stretch of flat, protected pavement lined with trees. The black blue water of the Hudson reflecting the city lights, the long meandering piers and the proud gargantuan shadow of Freedom Tower looming in the distance.

Today was no different. Kate changed quickly, checking the weather and deciding that she needed her extra fleece layer. It wasn’t frigid yet, but she’d prefer not to freeze.

From Union Square where their offices were, it was five blocks along 14th Street, past the cobbled stone streets of the Meatpacking District, past the Whitney Museum, and ducking under the flora-covered High Line. She set off, dodging people getting off of work, ducking in and out of bars, and far too many absorbed in their phone screens. This was not her favorite stretch and she covered it quickly.

Running was something that Kate needed to keep herself sane. The pound of her feet on the pavement, the discipline it took to keep running despite everything inside her screaming not to. She felt like she needed that grounding especially today.

Kate queued up her running playlist as she hit the long path that ran parallel to the Hudson River in record time. The path was well lit and even in the early evening, dozens of people appeared to have had the same idea that she did.

Her pace was fast as she ran through the past day in her head. She tripped over her thoughts like uneven steps. Seeing Anthony and the euphoric and foreign way she felt in his presence. Her mind wrapped around their weekend again and the odd attachment she felt to him despite barely knowing him. She felt unmoored, not used to this feeling of longing for another’s presence.

Kate lengthened her strides. The familiarity of the pounding in her chest and the burning of her skin was a comfort when her mind felt like hostile territory.

Without stop lights to slow her down, Kate covered the two miles down to Pier 25 in less than twenty minutes. It was such a slice of New York--a microcosm in this straightaway.

Kids emerged sweaty and grass stained from the soccer field at Pier 40. A man and woman sprinted past her wearing matching NYC Marathon Finisher 2017 t-shirts with looks of concentration she recognized all too well. A mom and her semi-sullen teenage daughter strolled in leggings and puffer jackets.

Kate felt a pang of uncharacteristic loneliness. Usually these runs were when she appreciated being alone the most, but something itched at her that being with someone wouldn’t be the worst thing. Someone like Anthony. She shook her head as she turned onto Pier 25. Where did that come from?

For all intents and purposes he was just her coworker who she’d slept with. At this pivotal point in her career, this wasn’t the time to be making up fantasies in her head. Kate pushed herself to sprint down the straightaway out towards the water, stopping breathless and panting at the edge of the long pier, the lights of Hoboken and Jersey City bright and alluring across the black water.

There was one other runner stretching on the other side of the pier and a couple walking hand in hand, whispering to each other between the shadows. Kate exhaled, resting her hands on her head as she caught her breath. She stretched her calves, fixing her eyes on the red glow of the W Hotel across the river, letting her deep inhales slow her heart rate and quiet her mind.

Kate walked slowly back towards the running path, letting her limbs settle before picking her pace back up as she jogged towards uptown.

She passed the crosswalks for Morton Street, Christopher Street, and West 10th Street. She saw the crosswalk for West 11th Street, one block from Bank Street, a couple of blocks from Anthony’s townhouse. Don’t do it Kate. Don’t do it. She tried to reason with herself, jogging in place at the stoplight, pushing herself to turn around as she jogged across the street and cut in at Bank.

As she ran underneath the arching trees, the roar of the highway faded behind her. Kate reasoned with herself that this wasn’t an insane thing to be doing. That he had wanted to hangout tonight and she had been the one to say no. She glanced down at her watch. It was eight-thirty. He would likely be home. And the worst case scenario was that he wasn’t. That she rang the doorbell and no one answered.

As she neared his block, she caught her reflection in a window - high ponytail, her face slightly sweaty, wearing a bright orange running quarter zip that she sort of hated but wore as a best practice while running at night - it would have to do.

She jogged up the front stairs of his townhouse and rang the doorbell before she could decide against it. It occurred to her that she could still sprint down the stairs and run the other direction before he showed up at the door.

Thirty seconds passed and Kate glanced at her watch, wondering if he was indeed out. Thirty turned into forty-five and then a minute. She was about to turn around -- no harm done -- when the door opened up in front of her.

Anthony’s face was confused as he opened the door halfway, but he broke into a broad smile as he saw her. That was a good sign at least.

“Kate?”

“Hi,” she got out, still a bit breathless from the sprint down the block.

“Is everything okay?” he looked concerned and she nodded quickly.

“You’re at my house,” his eyes scanned her up and down and he looked amused, “And you’re dressed kind of like a traffic cone.”

“It’s so I’m visible at night,” she explained and reached up, tightening her ponytail self consciously as she continued.

“I was on a run and I realized I was right by your house and I thought I might stop by and see if you were here…” she trailed off.

He didn’t say anything so she continued trying to explain herself, “I always run on the West Side Highway, it’s not like I went running to your house on purpose.”

She was rambling and she turned to take a step back, “I don’t know what I’m doing here, I’m sorry!”

“No no, you just surprised me,” he caught her arm lightly, spinning her around to face him.

“I’m happy you’re here,” he said, his thumb running over the seam of her sleeve, “and for the record, I like the orange.”

Kate exhaled a sigh of relief at his touch, but frowned as he still hadn’t opened the door all the way. She was frustrated at herself for feeling so off balance around him.

“You’re probably busy,”

“I kind of am, but it’s not--”

He was cut off when a woman’s voice sounded behind him from further in the house, “Ant, who is it? Is it our cookies?”

“It’s not! Just hold on a sec!” He called back and met Kate’s eyes.

Kate closed her eyes for a second, heat rushing to her cheeks, the mortifying reality setting in.

He was clearly not alone.

Her head felt hazy. Why would I expect him to be alone? They hadn’t said anything about being exclusive. Anthony had every right to do what he wanted in the privacy of his own home, but somehow the notion that she’d walked in on him on another date was simultaneously humiliating and devastating all at once.

The familiarity in the woman’s voice as she called to him from the other room was the most crushing part. It was clearly not her first time over here. And to think that Kate had woken up here on Saturday morning and felt special.

“Oh god, I should go,” she backed up.

Anthony’s eyes widened as if he was just realizing the implications of the situation. If she wasn’t feeling so flustered she would have been angry at him, but in the moment all she could do was feel mad at herself.

“No Kate, it’s not--”

She cut him off, “You don’t have to explain, I am so sorry…”

“Kate, just give me a second,” he said, his voice sounding almost panicked. She shook her head.

She took a step down the stairs, “I didn’t think…I thought you’d be…I don't know what I thought,” She closed her eyes for a second wanting to look anywhere but at him, “This is really embarrassing.”

Kate was about to turn around and run the other direction, the plan she clearly should have followed from the beginning, when the door opened wider and the woman who she assumed the voice belonged to appeared next to Anthony.

Clearly comfortable in his space, she put a hand on his shoulder and pushed her way past him. Kate inhaled, wishing she could disappear.

The woman had long dark hair falling nearly to her waist and parted perfectly down the middle, hazel colored eyes, and a face so striking it was hard to look at directly. She looked young. Kate pegged her as probably twenty-two or twenty-three. Definitely no older than Edwina. The woman was fresh-faced, wearing no makeup, pearl studs in her ears, leggings and an oversized Cambridge sweatshirt that looked heartbreakingly like it belonged to Anthony.

“Hi!” she said brightly, smiling broadly at Kate, “Do you want to come in?”

Kate frowned, still avoiding Anthony's eyes and not sure if this woman was making fun of her. She could honestly say that was definitely not what she was expecting to hear. Kate wished for the hundredth time in approximately thirty seconds that she had followed her better judgment, turned around, and run the other direction.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

Kate felt frozen in place on Anthony’s stoop. She looked up at this young woman with the striking hazel eyes and questions pummeled her frontal lobe with a dizzying speed. Who is she? How long have they been seeing each other? Why did he follow me out of that bar and why did he kiss me and why did I let him? The woman was still looking at her expectantly and Kate felt the weight of Anthony’s gaze. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of meeting his eyes, but realized there was still a question hanging pregnant in the air between the three of them.

“I’m sorry, what?” Kate realized she was probably being too blunt, but couldn’t bring herself to temper her tone.

“I said, do you want to come inside?” the woman shivered in Anthony’s Cambridge sweatshirt and wrapped her arms around herself, “it’s freezing out here.”

“You want me to come in?”

She nodded slowly, looking at Kate strangely. The woman pushed past Anthony and again Kate cringed at how comfortable she was in his personal space -- and extended her hand.

“I’m Francesca, nice to meet you,” she said brightly, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Kate,” Anthony tried to catch her eye again, but she ignored him.

Kate frowned, staring at the woman’s hand in front of her.

“You have?”

“Kate, this is Francesca--”

Kate cut him off, putting a hand up in frustration, “Anthony it’s fine I don’t really want to hear--”

“Fran is my sister Kate,” there was a hint of exasperation in his tone as his words sunk in.

Kate’s head spun as she looked from Francesca to Anthony and then back again, her head ping ponging as she cataloged their features and felt everything click neatly into place.

How she had not seen it the second Francesca had pushed past him was embarrassing. The same dark, unruly hair, the full lips, a strong jaw. Francesca’s eyes were lighter than Anthony’s - had more green in them, but she saw the same intense gaze, the way their eyes were set, deeply and intently. She even could see it in the way that they were holding themselves. Standing straight, proudly, chins held high.

“Your sister?”

She finally looked at him. A smug smile was playing on his lips, “My sister.”

“A pleasure,” Francesca said, as Kate shook her hand. Kate bit back a smile at the formality that she had grown used to with Anthony. It was a politeness that felt almost anachronistic.

“Nice to meet you Francesca,”

Fran smiled warmly at her, “Fran, please.”

Fran looked from Kate to Anthony curiously. She frowned at the uncomfortable look on both of their faces and then her eyes widened as she realized what Kate had assumed.

“Oh god, did you think…that we were?” she motioned between herself and Anthony, “No no no, he’s my brother! That’s disgusting.”

Anthony bit back a laugh and Kate felt her face heat up as she tried to correct her mistake, “I didn’t mean…I mean I had no idea.”

Francesca continued, seemingly unphased by the awkwardness playing out in front of her.

“Ant’s just helping me study for the GMAT.”

Kate nodded slowly, feeling for the second time that evening, like an even bigger idiot than she thought possible.

“And we were waiting for our Insomnia Cookies to arrive,” Anthony filled in, “Because Fran is procrastinating.”

“I’m not!” Francesca elbowed him in the ribs, “I just need sugar to focus.”

Anthony rolled his eyes and looked skeptical, “Right.”

Anthony leaned against the door, opening it wider, “Can we go back inside? Fran’s right it’s cold.”

Fran walked back inside first and Anthony kept the door open, looking at Kate with a question in his eyes. Their breath formed clouds in the almost-winter evening.

“Are you coming too?”

“You sure?” Kate asked, studying his face.

“Fran insists,” he said.

She couldn’t tell if Anthony was asking out of some obligation to be polite in front of his sister or if he genuinely wanted her to come inside. Despite their weekend, despite the texts, despite that feeling she got when she was around him -- like things simultaneously were turned upside down and backwards, but made more sense than they ever had -- he was hard to read.

“And what about you?”

“I insist as well,” he said with a smile and nodded towards the house.

“For a few minutes,” Kate acquiesced, “That’s it.”

Anthony put his hands up in mock defense as she walked into the hallway. He closed the door behind her and she looked around, taking a second to admire the high ceilings. Her mind lingered on last weekend. How he’d pushed her up against that same front door, his hands in her hair, so caught up in each other she couldn’t even remember turning on one light. The house was bathed now in a warm glow and she smiled to herself as she clocked the coats hanging on the rack by the door. Anthony was in slippers and Fran was in socks, so Kate slid her sneakers off, putting them next to the other shoes piled neatly by the door.

She followed Anthony down the hallway and into his kitchen. It was big, probably could fit her tiny space in it three times over with hardwood floors, a center island with a wood block countertop, and a breakfast nook tucked by the window that looked big enough for ten people to fit comfortably. It was covered in plush cushions and deep enough that Fran was sitting cross-legged, surrounded by a couple of empty Diet co*ke cans, the remains of what looked like a pepperoni pizza, flashcards, pens, and a giant book emblazoned with “All the GMAT” on the spine.

Kate recognized it instantly.

“Manhattan Prep?”

Fran looked up, surprised, “How’d you know?”

“I used that exact same book to study for the GMAT.”

Fran’s eyes brightened, “You got your MBA?”

“Yup, I finished a couple years ago.”

“Where?”

“Columbia.”

“Nice,” Fran sounded impressed, “What was your score?”

Anthony cut in, “Fran you’re overstepping,”

Fran rolled her eyes and Kate laughed, “No, no it’s fine. 750.”

Fran’s eyes widened, “Ok so you’re a genius.

Kate saw Anthony groan out of the corner of her eye and she blushed. She was used to this reaction, but it still made her vaguely uncomfortable.

“I’m not, I promise. I’m just good at taking tests.”

“A classic thing that geniuses say to be humble,” Kate laughed at that, appreciating Fran’s levity, “You have to help me study.”

Fran patted the seat next to her and Kate slid into the booth, fingering the flashcards spread out on the table.

“When are you taking the test?”

Fran bit her lip, “It’s supposed to be in a month. Right before Christmas.”

“Oh you have plenty of time then,” Kate said as she flipped over a flashcard with a very familiar looking Critical Reasoning question on it.

Seeing the flashcards sent Kate right back to her own study sessions late into the night, fueled by caffeine pills and the occasional pint of ice cream.

She remembered the clenching anxiety she had felt about her score and how that fear would snowball in a thousand different directions. No good score, no good school, no better job offer, no better salary, no being a role model for Edwina, no being able to support her family. She had wanted to get as far away from England as she could - away from the memories of her father, away from the lingering ghosts of the childhood she’d had and lost -- and yet every moment she spent studying for the GMAT had felt like she was digging her own grave, the weight of expectation choking her as she got deeper and deeper down.

Kate was jarred out of the memory as she felt Anthony slide in next to her, the warmth of his body a reprieve from her mind.

“How often do you guys study together?” Kate floated the question to both of them, wanting to bring Anthony into the conversation.

“I started prepping in the middle of the summer and we’ve been trying to once a week, but someone is always incredibly busy,” Fran shot a playful glare at Anthony.

“Hey hey, you’re the one who rescheduled on me twice last week,” Anthony protested.

Fran rolled her eyes, “That’s because I have a life. People to see, places to be. A boyfriend to hangout with.”

Anthony chuckled, “I have a life too Fran,”

“Sure,” she said disbelievingly, “Your life is work.”

A shadow passed across Anthony’s face, but it was gone as quickly as she’d blinked. She recognized the ribbing as similar to what she got from Edwina on a weekly basis.

Fran continued, “We usually study on Sundays, but Ant was busy this week.”

Kate met Anthony’s eyes truly for the first time since their misunderstanding at the door.

“Working I’m assuming?” Kate asked, unable to resist.

“Allegedly yes,” Fran flipped the flashcard she was working on, looking at the textbook and scribbling down the answer.

Kate was resting one elbow on the table and one hand on the bench. She could feel the heat of Anthony’s hand next to her and her heart careened into a staccato beat when she felt his pinkie nudge hers softly. She bit back a smile as he linked her finger with his.

“How can I help?” Kate asked, a swirl of warmth and guilt in her stomach that Anthony had moved plans to spend time with her, but potentially left his sister hanging in the process.

Fran handed Kate a stack of blank flashcards and pushed a list of formulas towards her.

“It would be amazing if you could write some of these for me. They feel like they’re endless. Every time it feels like I’m making a dent I come across five more things you can do with the area of a circle.”

“Fran,” Anthony interjected, “I’m sure Kate doesn’t want to sit here and make flashcards,” he glanced at Kate with what looked like an apology in his eyes.

She ignored him, reaching for the flashcards. “I don’t mind at all.”

Anthony mouthed thank you towards her as she uncapped a pen, nudging her thigh with his knee.

The next two hours passed by quicker and more pleasantly than Kate had ever remembered her study sessions going. The Insomnia Cookies arrived about fifteen minutes after she did and Kate had followed Anthony to the door. Even as they sat thigh to thigh, filling out flashcards, she still felt mortified that she had been so obviously distressed to see him with someone else.

As Anthony tipped the courier and closed the door behind them, he faced her in the little ante room. The room couldn’t have been more than five feet across and he was crowding her. Neither of them made a move back towards the hallway.

She crossed her arms, trying to give herself a bit of distance, but instead her elbows brushed against his chest.

“I thought…” she started and trailed off.

“I know what you thought.”

She met his eyes challengingly, “Do you?”

“Do you honestly think I have that much game Sharma?”

She laughed and felt comforted as his free hand went to her waist, pulling her closer, “You’re alright.”

“How did you put it? co*cky. Arrogant. Devastatingly handsome?”

“I believe you were the one who claimed that last one.”

“Am I wrong?”

Kate rolled her eyes, “See my point, completely concei--”

Anthony cut her off, yanking her to him. He kissed her soundly and as she relaxed into his touch she was grateful that despite so desperately trying - and failing - to understand what was going on in his head, kissing him still felt undeniably right.

He pulled away to take a breath and Kate couldn’t resist curling her fingers in his hoodie and bringing his face back to hers. They were standing in the dark, the street lights casting dim shadows across his cheeks.

He studied her for a second and she could almost see his gears turning.

When he spoke his voice was low, a heated tendon thrumming underneath, “It bothered you.”

She met his eyes, shaking her head. The way he phrased it not as a question, but as a fact, made Kate feel exposed.

“It didn’t bother me,” she said, and the words tasted false on her tongue.

He narrowed his eyes, “You could have fooled me.”

“You can see whoever you want to Anthony,” his face was inches from hers and he frowned.

She swallowed, continuing, “I don’t own you.”

It scared her how untrue that felt. How despite her protests, as he stood there scowling at her, his brows furrowing together, his hands gripping her waist, she felt wholeheartedly his.

“Are you saying that because you’re seeing other people?” his voice sounded pinched and flat.

She pressed her lips together, that stripped feeling back as if he could see right through her.

“No. I mean, no there’s no one else right now,” she said and he exhaled, close enough she could feel his chest relax.

“I’m not seeing anyone else Kate,” he said plainly.

She nodded, pressing her lips together, trying her hardest to suppress the relief pressing unbridled against her ribcage.

He continued, “Do you want to see anyone else?”

She saw the hopefulness in his face as she answered, “I…don’t.”

He grinned and she bit her lip, feeling them curve up of their own accord, “Do you?”

The moment he took to answer stretched like an eternity between them, “I can’t say that I do Sharma.”

Kate nodded, letting the information trickle in slowly, processing the decision they were coming to in this conversation, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he said, grinning again. It seemed too simple, too easy. Kate wasn’t sure she trusted it, but she let him pull her by the hand back into the kitchen anyways.

After that, they’d popped open the top of the Insomnia Cookies and scarfed a few down. Kate wasn’t sure if it was the sugar pulsing through her bloodstream or the tacit agreement she and Anthony had just made that they were seeing each other exclusively, but her limbs felt bubbly, her mind effervescent.

As the three of them scribbled facts and formulas on the flashcards, Kate learned that Fran was twenty-four. She had finished college at Yale a couple years ago and was working in Finance at one of the big banks and hating it. Fran told her how getting her MBA was a chance to reset and pivot away from Finance. Kate was taken aback by how similar the young woman’s story mirrored her own as she had found her way after college and into grad school. While Kate wasn’t going to wholeheartedly recommend consulting - the hours and the ingrained misogyny left much to be desired - she could see Francesca's eyes light up as she listened to Kate talk about her own time at Columbia and what she was doing now.

Anthony sat next to Kate, filling out flashcards diligently and letting Fran pepper her with questions. There were a couple of times as the clock inched closer towards 10pm that Kate worried she might have outstayed her welcome. She’d tried to excuse herself a couple of times, but every time Fran had asked her another question, her big hazel eyes shining, Kate hadn’t had the heart to say no.

It wasn’t until nearly 10:30pm, with the cookie box emptied and the stack of flashcards whittled down significantly, that Fran started to yawn and decided it was time to make the short walk back to her apartment - also in the West Village. She had packed her things, neatly putting the flashcards in her tote bag and told Anthony she’d be keeping his sweatshirt before hugging him tightly and then much to her surprise, hugging Kate warmly as well. Fran had made her promise to join them next time, whispering that her study tips were much more credible than Anthony’s since she’d actually taken the test.

Fran left and Anthony had put on an old indie album that took Kate right back to college as soon as she heard it. He cleaned up quickly, refusing her help, but telling her to stay put as he stacked their plates in the dishwasher. Kate instead leaned against the counter top watching as he carefully folded the pizza box into the recycling. She hadn’t seen him this casual before and it was hard to take her eyes off of him. He had pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and his muscled forearms flexed lightly with his motions. She was mesmerized by the tendon in his neck pulsing as he turned, the way his hair was messier than usual, standing in one hundred different directions. She took a large sip of the can of seltzer he’d offered her, enamored by how this room -- with him in it -- felt like the most important place to be in all of New York.

Anthony closed the fridge and turned to look at her, leaning against the counter on the opposite end of the room, a smile playing on his lips.

“Why are you standing so far away?”

She shrugged, “I was told I wasn’t allowed to help clean,” she took another sip of her seltzer, “And I’m enjoying the view.”

Anthony raised his eyebrows at her as he crossed the kitchen. He leaned in, resting his hands on the countertop behind her, effectively boxing her in. His chest swayed close to hers as he rested his weight on his wrists.

“I hope I wasn’t intruding,” she tried to say lightly.

He frowned, “What makes you say that?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know, it just seemed like you were trying to give me an out a few times.”

Kate watched his eyes drift to her lips for a second, getting distracted, before he refocused and met her gaze.

“You weren’t intruding at all. I just knew a study session wasn’t what you probably had in mind. I wanted to make sure you didn’t feel stuck.”

Kate shook her head, “I really liked getting to know Fran.”

“She liked getting to know you too. I’d even venture to say she might like you more than me at this point.”

Kate shook her head at him and smiled. She let the silence stretch between them for a moment, her mind floating through all she’d learned this evening.

“Have you two always been close?”

Anthony nodded, “We have. We always have just kind of got each other if that makes sense.”

Kate smiled, “It does. So it’s not a coincidence that she lives ten blocks from you?

He laughed, “She would say it is, but occasionally I’ll flatter myself thinking that it makes her feel comfortable having me close by.”

Anthony pulled a hand away to rub his jaw, “She was only 12 when our dad died and she took it really hard. I’ve tried to be there for her as much as I can… even if it’s not the same.”

He paused, studying the window panes behind her head, as if looking for something in the sliver of sky between buildings.

“Sometimes I just wish I knew what he would have done, you know? It’s hard, not knowing.”

He trailed off and there was a sadness in his voice that felt like an iron band pressing across her chest. What she said next surprised her.

Kate put a hand on his arm, feeling his muscles tense beneath her fingers.

“My dad died when I was ten.”

Anthony’s eyes widened in alarm, “Kate, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, really.”

He continued though, “I had no idea --”

“Anthony, of course not, how would you?”

“I should have asked.”

She shook her head, “I don’t like to talk about it usually…I miss him a lot.”

A pained look crossed his face and Kate slid her hand down his wrist, intertwining their fingers and squeezing his hand, “I’m only bringing it up because I want you to know that I know what it’s like to feel like what you do is never enough.”

Anthony squeezed her hand back and ran his other hand up to her face, cradling her cheek. He pulled her in, kissing her. It felt different. Less charged, softer, as if there was so much he wasn’t saying. He pressed his forehead against hers and she found herself unable to look away.

They were quiet for a moment, then two. She was distinctly aware of his chest rising and falling against hers, the way his hand slid down from her cheek, his thumb running along her jaw, tracing down her throat. His fingers rubbed along the nape of her neck and there was a firmness to his touch that shifted the energy in the room. She tried to ignore the way her body felt hot in his arms. She felt overcome as she breathed him in, her heart racing.

“This is probably not what you expected from tonight.”

There was a lightness in his tone that was a relief, a respite.

Kate silently thanked him for not pushing her further, for not asking more.

She was all too aware of his hand still spanning her throat, making it hard to focus on anything else. But she smiled, trying to match his tone.

“The flashcards or the emotional baggage?”

Anthony laughed fully now, “Both,” his arms went to her shoulders, and she breathed out a sigh of relief. He rubbed her upper arms and drifted his hands to her waist again.

“Why did you come here tonight Kate?”

“I told you, I was nearby.”

His eyes burned into hers and it felt impossible to say anything less than exactly the truth.

“I wanted to see you.”

His thumb went back up to her cheek, tracing the line of her jaw, “Why?”

“Why?” she repeated dumbly.

“I want you to say it."

“Say what?”

“That you came here to seduce me, Sharma.”

His voice was playful, but there was something darker underneath it. Kate was relieved that she had not been the only one affected by his touch. She raised an eyebrow at him, not willing to surrender until he did too.

“What makes you say that?”

“You mentioned yesterday that you’d been thinking about me.”

His fingers toyed with the seam of her shirt, running down her waist slowly, fingering the hem.

Kate shrugged in what she hoped was nonchalance, “That was yesterday.”

“You did literally run out of your way to see me,”

She smirked, “Again, I told you, it was on my regular route.”

He nodded and his thumb dipped, toying with the waistband of her leggings, pushing it down and tracking the exposed top of her hip bone.

“You were wearing an exceptionally short skirt today.”

“Was I?” she said lightly, unable to stop her eyes from dropping to his lips, “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

His fingers grabbed at her hips, pulling her flush against him. His eyes were drinking her in and it took everything in her not to grind her hips against his.

His pupils were completely blown as he looked at her.

“I f*cking noticed.”

And then his lips were on hers, roughly, his tongue prying her mouth open with a lack of patience that was so arousing that Kate couldn’t help but groan. He wasted no time, his hands spanning her hips, moving to her ass roughly and lifting her onto the countertop, pushing her leggings down as he did. She had admired his meticulousness, how carefully he’d put everything away in the kitchen, so she was shocked as he laid her down, pushing the napkins, the cutlery, and the bowl of fruit to clatter onto the ground as he climbed on top of her, burying his face in her neck, his hands reaching for her shirt.

“All I could think about all day was your legs in that skirt,” his words were rough and he seemed manic, wrecked as he kissed her, bit at her collarbone.

She desperately wanted to see him and her hands were greedy, reaching for his hoodie and unzipping it, pushing it off of his broad shoulders.

“Take this off,” she demanded and he smirked at her, “Now.”

Her fingers pushed the fabric of his t-shirt over his head. He yanked it off and was back on her, his mouth a revelation against her lips. He bit at her ear and sucked at her throat.

“f*ck Kate, how is it that I want you so f*cking badly,” he said as he helped her with her shirt, pulling it over her head and then impatiently just pushing her sports bra up, his mouth latching onto one breast, roughly palming the other, pulling at her nipple.

Kate at this point had stopped all attempts at self restraint. With anyone else she would have been embarrassed by what she must look like, splayed out on the countertop in nothing but her underwear, leggings pushed down, breasts exposed, his hands all over her as she rocked her hips wantonly against his, but as he pulled back, all she could see in his eyes was the same desperation mirrored and she felt another pulse of arousal run through her.

“I feel like I’m going crazy Kate.”

“You’re not,” she kissed him again, her hands reaching for his pants and pushing them down his hips.

“I want you too. You’re all I can think about,” He didn’t need any other encouragement, his hands going beneath her ass, his fingers pushing her underwear clumsily down and then when he got impatient, quickly to the side, as he thrust into her.

Kate pulled her legs around his waist, pulling him to her, groaning as he filled her. Despite the frenzy they had felt to get their clothes off, despite how the countertop was pushing into her lower back, his thrusts were deep, slow, measured, and she moaned, canting her hips against his, wanting more.

He swallowed her moans with his lips on hers as he f*cked her slowly, one hand holding her wrists together above her head, pinning them to the countertop. It was too much, the feeling of him inside her, the other hand holding her neck, curving around her waist, grasping at her hip greedily.

“I came here for this,” Kate reached up for his hair, yanking him down on top of her, needing to feel his body on hers, “For you.”

His mouth was at her ear, breathing hotly against her skin, his voice gravelly and dark. She could barely make out what he was saying, the words tripping against each other as his thrusts increased in speed.

Her hands went to his back, feeling the cords of muscle tightening beneath her fingers. Anthony dropped a hand between her legs, rubbing her cl*t roughly beneath his thumb and she didn’t expect it, the heat flaming across her skin as she came, her body shuddering. Her hands went to his shoulders, barely able to get the words out, asking him to come for her. When his eyes met hers, they were nearly black, unrecognizable as he swore, his body tense underneath her fingers as he finished inside her. She felt his body loosen as he collapsed on top of her, her arms going around him, pulling him tightly to her.

They laid there for a minute and then two before Anthony placed a careful kiss on her sternum. He looked up at her, his hair even crazier than usual, and Kate felt herself unraveling beneath him. She was lying half naked on his kitchen island, lit only by the dim under cabinet lights, a borough away from her apartment and even desperately farther away from her routine, but she felt achingly like there was no place she’d rather be.

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

As Kate walked into the now familiar conference room at Felix, she couldn’t help but feel at ease when she saw Benedict and Daphne sitting in what she now recognized as their favorite seats at the sun-drenched table. Both Bridgertons were sitting with giant cups of coffee - hot for Benedict and iced for Daphne - a tray of bagels in front of them, and broad smiles as if seeing Kate was the best thing that had happened to them all week.

The last few days had been odd for a variety of reasons and Kate was more than grateful for the distraction of this work session. Anthony’s absence was glaring in the room, another reminder of the uncanny feeling that had followed her around since they said goodbye on Sunday afternoon. He was in Chicago for work until the end of the week and Kate had found herself both pleasantly surprised and slightly perturbed at how much she found herself missing him.

“Kate!” Benedict exclaimed as he pulled her into a hug, “It’s been far too long.”

“I saw you last week!” Kate laughed, “and on Friday on Zoom,” she added.

“Zoom does not count,” he motioned for her to sit, “and a week is far too long.”

“Anthony has been keeping her all to himself,” Daphne smiled slyly and Kate flushed as they all sat.

“Is he?” Benedict raised a quizzical eyebrow at Kate and smirked.

It wasn’t exactly untrue. Last week after their impromptu study session, Thursday and Friday were hazy. Kate was distracted, but for the first time - maybe ever - she didn’t mind the feeling. She wasn’t sure if it was the way under those dim hallway lights that Anthony had said to her, so simply, as if it was the most logical thing in the world, that he didn’t want to see anyone else. It could have been lying in his arms on the kitchen counter, laughing against his chest as they surveyed the ruined remains of his kitchen. Kate found herself captivated by the warm, syrupy feeling that had settled in her chest.

Kate had absorbed herself in work on Thursday and Friday, only taking a break for dinner with a group of her business school friends in the Lower East Side. She’d politely excused herself once dinner moved from a couple glasses of wine at Cervo’s to a dive bar down the block. Slightly buzzed and feeling emboldened by the laughter of her friends, she reached for her phone as she sat down on the subway.

As she unlocked it, she saw Anthony had already beaten her to it.

Anthony: I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow

Kate bit back a grin. Before she could second guess herself, she responded.

Kate: What a coincidence

Kate: I was just thinking the same thing

Anthony: Great minds, Sharma

As the train clattered without finesse across the Manhattan Bridge, Kate hadn’t been able to stop herself from smiling. She was pulled out of the memory as Daphne turned to Benedict and continued talking.

“They’ve been heads down working on the project for the last couple weeks,” Daphne explained, sipping her coffee, “And Ant’s been working basically all weekend. I’ve barely seen him.”

Kate let out a sigh of relief at Daphne’s response. While she didn’t think Daphne and Benedict would react poorly to her and Anthony - doing whatever it was they were doing - Kate didn’t want them to know. She liked the respect they both had for her professionally and the friendship that was developing between the three of them. Plus, it was far too risky. If either of them let something slip to Miles or Booth she would be tossed off the project or worse.

“Ah, working, yes,” Benedict nodded in a way that conveyed omniscience and Kate tried to keep her face void of emotion. As much as he teased, she knew Benedict was only working off of the incriminating suspicions he had from seeing them in the club weeks ago.

Daphne’s statement was half true. Anthony had been busy all weekend, but they hadn’t exactly been working. Kate had found herself wrapped up in him again, making her way to his townhouse on Friday evening. It felt like an ocean of time had stretched between this week and last - a seismic shift from where they had been, avoiding each other’s gaze across conference rooms to where they were, ringing his doorbell and trying to stop the elation from bubbling over when he smiled at her and squeezed her tightly in his arms.

Both exhausted from the week, they’d collapsed on his bed and browsed through a Chinese takeout menu in a way that felt so comfortable, it had almost made her cry. When Kate had texted him the day before saying she couldn’t spend the night because of Newton, Anthony had remedied that easily, telling her the Corgi was welcome too.

Newton had embraced his new surroundings with impressive alacrity, bounding up and down the stairs, his paws pitter pattering on the hardwood, before running circles around Kate’s ankles and collapsing at her feet, already exhausted.

They’d eaten at his kitchen island, facing each other, arguing over the last dumpling before Kate had shyly asked for a tour of the house. The last two times she’d been here she’d been quite occupied, a little tipsy, and then too concentrated on not screwing up in front of Fran to actually take in her surroundings.

Anthony had grinned at her, leading her by the hand into the living room. The space had large french doors that led out to a little deck and backyard with a grill. A maple tree hung over a couple of chaise loungers. Kate indulged herself in the image of a weekend afternoon spent here reading, the sun hot on her skin.

Before she could get too caught up in the fantasy, Anthony had yanked her by the hand, showing her a couple of guest bedrooms, and then up the staircase to the second floor. Double doors opened up onto a room overlooking the backyard, painted in a deep hunter green, with built-in floor to ceiling bookshelves lining each wall. A beautiful antique desk was nestled into a small nook on one side of the room. A few cozy armchairs overlooked the backyard and Kate thought she could spot a slice of the Empire State Building peeking up over the other skyscrapers.

Kate had dropped his hand to slowly run her fingers over the spines of the books, taking it all in with a quiet reverence. She could feel his eyes on her as she perused and something about the room felt so distinctly like Anthony that she felt immediately attached to it.

Kate let her mind wander to all the times a book had taken her away. How she’d curled up in cold hospital corners reading A Wrinkle in Time over and over again while her Dad had gotten sicker and sicker. The solace she’d taken in Brave New World late at night when she was sixteen and working two jobs and trying desperately to apply to university. The comfort she’d felt after college when she’d discovered the joy of escapist romance novels, collecting them like a hoarder and waiting every summer for the newest Elin Hildebrand book to come out. She had been miserable at work and the sparkling charisma, easy chemistry, and guaranteed happy ever after had grounded her in a way she didn’t expect.

Kate breathed in the air -- the scent of old books and wood polish and the linger of his cologne that she’d grown familiar with -- and ran a hand across the desk, fingering the lip of the wood and the leather bound notebook face down on the surface.

She had been so mesmerized, imagining Anthony sitting here, sleeves rolled up, glasses on, jotting down notes with that focused look where his brows furrowed slightly and his eyes wrinkled at the corners, that she hadn’t noticed him coming up behind her until he put a hand lightly on her waist.

His hand felt hot through her shirt and he’d told her how the desk and a lot of the books had been in his family since the early 1800s. Stunned, Kate listened to his words in her ear, his voice low, as he told her about his ancestors, how his Dad had worked at this same desk, how he’d spent time here letting his mind wander, wondering what they were like. Kate was so caught up in his words that she hadn’t noticed his hand moving down from her waist, slowly tracing the swell of her hip. She breathed in as she felt his other hand drift to her other side, his fingers pressing firmly against the soft curve he found there.

Anthony was still talking, his lips brushing the shell of her ear and Kate felt frozen there, her thighs pressed tightly against the desk, her hands splayed on the surface to steady herself as he leaned in closer. She swallowed as his words drifted away from the desk and the books and his family and instead to the hours he’d spent here over the last few weeks.

Anthony whispered how he’d been working here late at night and how she’d kept coming back to him, making it impossible to concentrate. Driving him insane. As he spoke, one of his hands moved to her thigh, and she felt a shot of arousal as his palm spanned her bare leg. His fingers moved indolently, tracing her inner thigh, teasing her through her underwear, his words hot against her neck.

Kate couldn’t help pressing herself against his fingers, trying to hold back from moaning at the lack of contact. Anthony slipped a finger underneath her underwear and she whined for more as he ran it achingly slow across her entrance, barely touching her cl*t. He whispered how he’d sat here, thinking about her, fantasizing, unable to resist touching himself.

The image and the feeling of his fingers against her made her feel crazy. Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, that she was going to turn around and push him down against the desk, he plunged two fingers in her and she let out a sigh of relief, leaning her head back against his shoulder as he moved his fingers in an out, f*cking her slowly with his hand. His tongue rimmed her ear and he sucked at her neck, his thumb rubbing her cl*t in fast strokes that made her buck her hips wantonly against him. Kate had fallen apart in his arms quickly, coming hard against his fingers. She felt him smile against her throat and the tour was abruptly over as she turned around, kissing him and demanding to see the bedroom immediately.

They’d slept in on Saturday, waking briefly to let Newton out in the backyard, but falling back asleep until almost midday. Anthony had made coffee close to noon and they’d sat in the kitchen, slowly waking up. He’d texted her Friday morning asking if she’d like to go for a run over the weekend. Kate had been apprehensive, but agreed. She found that running with men was almost nearly always a mistake. Her past experiences, even with friends, had proven that either they got offended if she was quicker or jogged backwards condescendingly in front of her offering her tips on her form. Neither was particularly enjoyable.

Kate was happy to find out that not only was he fast and so far, not condescending, but that he also looked delicious in a pair of shorts and a black long sleeve running shirt.

They’d started off at an easy jog down the Hudson, and Kate smiled to herself, amused as they tested each other’s pace. The park was crowded on a crisp Fall morning and they weaved in and out of people, dodging kids on bikes and other runners. The river sparkled in the sun and Kate felt her calves ache as they both kept picking up their tempo, waiting to see how the other would react. Despite the fact that they were scraping the ceiling of a sustainable speed and that her lungs were working over time, as they rounded along the curve of Rockefeller Park towards the bottom of the straight away, Kate sprinted ahead of him, opening up a gap between them.

She’d called teasingly over her shoulder, jogging backwards as she caught sight of his stunned face, “What’s the matter? Not up for it, Bridgerton?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anthony shake his head as he caught up to her. And then somehow they were racing the last half mile of the route. Kate’s legs had burned and her heart raced, but the adrenaline of him next to her, grinning, the sound of his feet on the pavement, made it impossible to stop. He’d beaten her by a hair and they’d both collapsed on the grass near Battery Park in lower Manhattan, sweaty and out of breath and laughing.

Kate had stared up at the sky with the grass prickly and cold on her neck. Her body was overheated and she was dripping sweat, staring up at the cloudless sky. Anthony was so close to her, she felt like she could feel his heartbeat through his skin. She nudged his foot with hers with the last remaining energy she had left and they both laughed. He’d rolled over closer to her, pulling her into a sweaty, grass-stained kiss.

They’d walked back to his house slowly, chugging from the water bottles they grabbed from a bodega on the way back up. They’d spent the rest of the day at Anthony’s, taking a long leisurely shower together and walking Newton lazily before the sun set close to 5pm. Kate had every intention of heading home that evening, but Anthony cooking her dinner was far more enticing than her empty apartment.

On Sunday, they’d gotten up early. Anthony was leaving that afternoon for Chicago and Kate had watched him pack from bed, her eyes following the careful way he folded his sweater, a crisp button down shirt, a pair of jeans. She nestled into the sheets deeper, feeling the quiet wrap of intimacy as she watched him.

It was as if he could feel her eyes on him and he paused, looking up at her through his glasses.

“Like what you see Sharma?” he asked playfully.

She shrugged, “Admiring your packing technique.”

Anthony smiled, “Ah.”

What Kate wanted to say, but didn’t was I think I’m going to miss you. Their eyes held for a beat and Anthony put down the shirt he was holding and crawled onto the bed towards her, his face close to hers. He dropped a hand lightly to her thigh on top of the blanket.

“Can I see you on Friday when I get back?”

Kate nodded, scrunching her nose to resist grinning at him like an idiot.

“I’d like that,” she said instead, “I can come over if you want. I’m sure you’ll want to chill after your trip.”

Anthony shook his head, “No, no, I want to take you out for dinner.”

Kate raised her eyebrows, “Out for dinner?”

Anthony nodded. “Like a date?

It was his turn to shrug lightly. “Looks suspiciously like one, yes.”

She felt her stomach whirl. It was so easy to keep what they were doing just between the two of them. To say it was excellent sex and nothing more. A date was different. A date was expectations and the earth shattering disappointment when they weren’t met. A date made her nervous. Kate saw the tips of Anthony’s ears flush and it seemed incomprehensible that he might be nervous too.

Kate bit her lip and answered against her better judgment, “Ok.”

Anthony smiled, “Ok?”

Kate nodded, “I’d like that,” she couldn’t resist leaning forward and pressing her lips to his, “Quite a lot actually.”

He smiled against her lips, a hand drifting towards the back of her neck, pulling her body closer to his.

“Good,” he said, lips moving gently across hers. His fingers played with her hair, tugging at it lightly before he pulled back, resuming his packing. Kate had pulled the sheets up to her chin, resuming her vigil of his hands as he folded, his forearms flexing underneath his long sleeve shirt, the way his hair was getting longer, curling carefully around his ears.

“So how has your week been Kate?”

Benedict’s question jolted her out of Sunday and back to the fact that it was Tuesday morning and despite how comfortable she was with them, she was supposed to be presenting to clients.

Benedict leaned back in his chair and crossed a foot over his knee.The way he rested his head behind his hands made him look so strikingly like Anthony that she had to look away for a moment. How her week had been was a loaded question. Not only did she find herself replaying their weekend on repeat, vacillating between that warm fuzzy feeling and the discomfort she felt at Anthony’s absence, but she’d had an odd experience yesterday at the Strategy& offices.

Kate had an afternoon work session with Miles to go over the inputs for the model she was building - and reviewing with Daphne and Benedict today - and Booth had asked to join them to oversee their progress. He had continued to take an interest in the project and been more involved than Kate would have expected, but she’d said yes of course knowing that they were mere weeks away from the Partner decision and the more of an impression she could make now in this final sprint, the better chance she would have.

Any more face time she could get from Booth was an asset. She’d stayed up until almost two in the morning on Sunday working on the model. While the initial inputs had flowed seamlessly into a forecast that was looking favorable for Felix, she’d run into a snag when she’d started putting the numbers Benedict had shared from partners for their new product. Kate had continued to run into the same issue where no matter how she rejiggered things, she kept finding that the cost of development was going to outweigh the initial revenue for the first five years after launch. While it wasn’t abnormal for an expansion to take a while to be profitable, five years felt risky.

She had about a thousand questions for Miles on how to approach it and by Monday morning she was half delirious, running on caffeine, a bodega muffin and the jittery, keyed up energy she was all too familiar with.

Miles and Booth had both been disappointed with the news. She didn’t blame them. From experience, she knew it was much easier to deliver good news than bad. Kate emphasized she’d be meeting with the team the next day to get the additional performance to input. She was hopeful that another round of sales numbers would shift the way the results were coming up.

Miles had offered helpful suggestions for how they could frame the forecast if after another few rounds of modeling, the expansion still proved not to be profitable. Booth on the other hand had seemed annoyed, sitting silently while Kate and Miles brainstormed. Kate couldn’t help but feel hyper aware of the Senior Partner’s eyes on her.

At the end of the meeting, they’d decided to only share a high level summary with Daphne and Benedict tomorrow in the meeting. There was no need to set off alarm bells yet. Kate breathed out a tense sigh as they wrapped up, feeling exposed and raw after this tiring conversation.

As they were finishing up, Kate jotting down notes and both men reading their emails, Miles had excused himself to go to the bathroom, leaving Kate alone next to Booth. She’d busied herself capturing their feedback until Booth had cleared his throat, making her look up.

“Sharma, do you and your boyfriend have any plans for the holidays coming up?”

Kate looked up, startled. The question threw her. She wasn’t expecting him to address her directly and she’d never mentioned a boyfriend, never talked to him about her personal life.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Just wondering what you’re getting up to on the holiday with your boyfriend.”

Kate put her pen down, meeting those icy blue eyes to stop herself from squirming uncomfortably.

“No plans really,” she smiled lightly, not wanting to be rude, “Most of my family is still in London, so I need to figure it out.”

Booth nodded at her appraisingly, twisting the pen between his fingers and Kate felt an odd unease settle over the room. She thought she saw his eyes flick towards her legs and she shifted in her chair.

“What about you?” she managed to get out, trying to be polite.

“We’ll be around here, my wife’s family is from New Jersey so we usually spend the holidays there.”

Kate nodded, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. She tried her best to maintain eye contact. The silence between them stretched. Booth continued and Kate felt an odd choking sensation as she anticipated what he was going to say next.

“I’ve been impressed with the work you’ve been doing on this project, Sharma.”

She forced herself to smile and respond. It was a compliment, so why did it feel like an invasion instead?

“Thank you. It’s been a really interesting challenge.”

“Hopefully we’ll see the same level of work from you in the Partner presentation.”

Kate nodded and he continued, “I have to say though, there is a certain level of….” he paused, clicking his pen again, “dedication that we need to be sure of before we make the final decision.”

Kate frowned, looking at him in confusion. The allusion felt thinly veiled, but Kate didn’t want to acknowledge that possibility, so she decided pointedly not to. Booth was about to continue, when Miles reentered the room and the malaise disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

Kate had hurried out as soon as the meeting had finished, clutching her laptop to her chest closely and trying to shake off the unease. Booth had clearly just been trying to get to know her. Nothing more. Still, she’d felt off all afternoon and gone to bed that night thinking about that unsettled feeling and how his eyes had met hers - entitled to a directness that she didn’t think she had given.

“It’s been good. Mostly working on this,” she gestured to the spreadsheet she had pulled up on her laptop, “How’s your guys’?”

“Good, good,” Benedict took a long sip of his coffee, “Without our overbearing boss present, this week has been mostly quiet.”

Daphne elbowed Benedict primly, “Ben, don’t say things like that in front of Kate, she’s going to think you’re serious.”

Benedict smirked, “Am I not?”

Daphne sent him a glare, “No of course I’m not,” Benedict turned to Kate, “We miss Anthony and his micromanaging terribly.”

“What is he doing in Chicago?” Kate asked, trying to keep her tone nonchalant even though she felt like she was back in high school with a crush, trying to do everything she could to keep talking about the guy she liked.

“One of our biggest investors is based there, so he usually goes quarterly to discuss strategy, what we have in the pipeline, suck up to the people who give us money, that kind of thing.”

Daphne rolled her eyes, “Benedict is making it sound like he’s over there on vacation. He’s basically giving presentations on performance and talking about this new launch.”

Kate nodded, “Got it,” she said, not mentioning that Anthony had been slow to respond to her texts and seemingly distracted. It gave her a cool rush of relief to know her suspicions were mostly confirmed that he was indeed swamped.

“Should we get started? I want to make sure we have enough time to get through all of this.”

At Kate’s businesslike tone, it was as if a switch flipped in the two Bridgertons as they opened their laptops, the picture of focus.

Kate had taken them through some of the initial findings from the model, making sure not to mention the hurdles with the numbers. Instead she had focused more on Benedict’s perspective on some of the insights as well as his walk through of the additional pieces of performance data he’d prepared. The context was helpful and Kate took notes furiously, hoping to capture something that would help her unlock the right growth trajectory for the launch. Daphne and Benedict were as engaged as ever, asking smart questions and inviting her to lunch and to work from the Felix offices for the rest of the afternoon.

The pragmatic part of her said that she should race back to add in Benedict’s new numbers to the model, but the less pragmatic part of her had said yes easily.

The three of them had sat around the large communal kitchen table and there was something about the office, the winter sun streaming in low and heady in the afternoon sky, that made her feel quite at home. It might have been their ruthless ribbing of each other that reminded her so much of her and Edwina or the way that Daphne seemed so sincere when she looked at Kate and asked if the two of them could grab dinner when the project was over or the way that any mention of Anthony seemed to spark something warm inside her chest, but she found herself spending another two hours at the office, despite her best intentions.

~~~~~~~~~~

After their meeting, the rest of the week had passed at a glacial pace. It felt too soon to call Anthony and she wasn’t going to break their stalemate if he wasn’t going to first. Still, she found herself going back and forth between obsessing over each new version of the model she was building and wondering what he was doing at any given moment. They’d been texting, but he’d already apologized proactively for being completely under water with investor presentations. His response time had been pitiful.

On Tuesday afternoon, she texted him a picture of Newton sleeping soundly on the sweatshirt she’d borrowed from him. She tried not to be disappointed when he’d responded immediately with a heart emoji, but messaged her quickly to say he was having dinner with a friend and would text her in the morning.

She’d laid awake Tuesday night, staring up at her ceiling, letting her mind go, unbridled in the dark. It was unfounded, but Kate imagined Anthony at dinner with a nameless, faceless woman. She imagined luscious curves where she lacked. She saw them meeting for coffee in the late afternoon, those liminal hours before dusk where time slips by without consequence. She watched that coffee turn into a drink - gin in frosted glasses and round full lips sliding around a plump olive and eyes meeting and Anthony’s hand on someone else’s bare thigh -- and it had made her restless and hot and slightly nauseous and she’d tossed and turned until she eventually fell back into a dreamless sleep close to 3am.

On Wednesday, Kate had woken up to a text from Anthony and breathed out a sigh of relief. A picture of what looked like the running path on Lakeshore Drive, the sun rising over Lake Michigan and an accompanying message that said, Morning run. A liaison seemed unlikely the night before if he was up at 5:30 on a run.

Still, she’d felt shaken and had hearted the message, but not responded, throwing herself into fixing the model.

Kate had worked from home on Wednesday and Thursday, telling herself it was to focus, but knowing in the back of her mind that she was avoiding Booth. Despite the fact that their interaction on Monday seemed innocuous when she played it back, she felt cold when she thought about his pale blue eyes meeting hers.

On Thursday morning, Kate hadn’t been able to resist sending Anthony a selfie from her run around Prospect Park, bundled up in a beanie as it got colder. She felt that same irrational sinking feeling when it took him four hours to respond later that morning.

By Friday when he’d texted her asking if they were still on for dinner, she felt unsettled and exhausted. When she emerged from the subway at Wall Street in the Financial District into the cool November air, she wasn’t sure what to expect. Anthony had been very specific about his instructions. Meet him at the corner of Wall Street and Broadway at 7pm. No address. No additional details. By this point in November, it had already been dark for almost two hours and she could see her breath easily in front of her.

Kate’s hair was falling in thick inky waves down her back and pinned delicately behind one ear. She wore simple black pearl drop earrings and a short, plum colored dress that skimmed the tops of her thighs. The sheer tights she was wearing seemed innocent enough, but if she crossed her legs just so, the intricate lace garter holding them up peaked out. Despite the fact that she knew her nightmare was unfounded, she had found herself getting dressed with a distinctive feeling of having something to prove.

Kate shoved her hands in the pockets of her coat and marveled up at Trinity Church and how tiny it looked juxtaposed against Freedom Tower soaring behind it in its pale blue glory. People hurried by her in the invigorating rush of a Friday night. Men in suits and women in heels and blazers and tightly pulled back hair radiated stress and the catharsis of the evening just begun.

“Kate,” she heard behind her and she turned on her heel, unable to stop herself from smiling when she saw Anthony on the street corner behind her.

Her stomach dipped as she took him in. The black wool overcoat over a navy, three piece suit. No glasses and where his hair was normally standing up on all ends, it was combed back handsomely. He nearly took her breath away as he walked up to her.

“Hi,” she barely got out.

Anthony paused in front of her. They had spent so many nights behind closed doors, kissing in the dark in their respective bedrooms, falling asleep wrapped up in one another, but she understood his hesitation. This felt like opening Pandora’s Box - overwhelming and new and irreversible.

“You look gorgeous,” Anthony said simply and she watched his eyes, drinking her in greedily. Instead of feeling appraised, his gaze felt hedonistic, indulgent.

He leaned in, a hand light on her waist, moving to kiss her cheek. He smelled like cedar and fresh laundry. As he pulled back, she couldn’t help but put a hand on the lapel of his jacket, and yank him back towards her, kissing him softly. She could feel his surprise against her lips and then his smile as he kissed her back.

Kate pulled away first and she saw the amusem*nt in his eyes, “I hope that was okay.”

“Okay?” He looked dizzied, his gaze lingering on her lips, “More than okay. What was that for?”

Kate couldn’t quite get it out that she missed him, and that despite the busyness, the week had felt a little bleak and all together too empty without him in it.

“Oh you know, long week.”

He smiled at her, his fingers now toying on the buttons of her coat, “Missed me a little?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Bridgerton,” she said with a playful smile.

Anthony rolled his eyes, laughing and tickling her lightly, “What was I thinking.”

She bit the side of her lip as their eyes locked and as cliche it sounded, it felt like the world - the honking, the wail of sirens, the din of the city coming to life around them - slipped away.

He slipped his hand into hers, “C’mon, we’re gonna be late,” he said as he pulled her down the sidewalk.

“This is all very clandestine,” she teased as they dodged a hotdog vendor and he squeezed her fingers lightly, “Are you going to put a bag over my head and blindfold me before we get there?”

“I wasn’t planning on it, but if you keep giving me so much attitude I might have to break out the gag I have in my back pocket,” he said, his eyes meeting hers devilishly.

She elbowed him lightly, “Was that supposed to turn me off?”

Kate teased and she didn’t miss the double take Anthony did or how his pupils dilated ever so slightly as he looked at her. He shook his head as if reminding himself they were on a crowded street as he pulled her along.

So far, they had passed a Dunkin and a few fast casual lunch spots that were long since closed, their chairs stacked like skeletons.

“You’re really not going to tell me?”

He glared at her, “Patience is a virtue.”

Anthony seemed to be checking the addresses, and he stopped at a seemingly non-descript office building, motioning for her to enter as he held the heavy gold rimmed glass door open.

Kate watched as Anthony went up to the receptionist, seemingly giving his name and watching as she nodded, and motioned to a small set of elevators to the side of the main ones. Kate followed Anthony as they squeezed into the small space, the side of her body pressed against his. The elevator continued to climb and Kate felt her ears pop as they passed fifty floors and then sixty, the car slowing to a stop at the 64th floor. The doors dinged open and as they stepped out, Kate found herself slightly speechless for the second time that evening.

The doors opened up onto a bar that was small by most standards, but made to feel huge by the large windows that opened up to panoramic views of the city, stretching uptown towards the Empire State Building and across Brooklyn. New Jersey spun and dazzled in the distance.

A black and white marble bar ran across one side of the room, lined with burnt orange velvet stools where people were perched drinking from ribbed tumblers filled to the brim with colorful co*cktails and fat, square ice cubes. The lights were low, casting a citrine glow across the room. The ambient light of the city took center stage.

Kate realized she hadn’t moved when she felt Anthony’s hand on the small of her back.

“You ok?”

She nodded and followed him to check their coats.

“Hope you’re not afraid of heights,” he said close to her ear as he slid hers off her shoulders. Anthony waited to get their check numbers while Kate sat down at the bar, relishing the sound of her heels clicking on the marble floor as she walked and the R&B that was filtering through the speakers. A menu appeared in front of her and she smiled at the bartender, getting lost in the view behind him.

Anthony sat down next to her, and feeling enlivened by their kiss on the sidewalk and the fact that they were on this date at all, she tilted her body towards him, crossing her legs so they brushed his. Immediately she was brought back to a month ago, sitting at lunch and wanting so badly to touch him, wondering if he wanted to touch her too. She put a hand on his thigh lightly, meeting his eyes.

“Anthony, this place is…” she trailed off, not sure exactly how to articulate how she was feeling.

“You like it?” He said and she didn’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a view like this in New York.”

“This is one of my favorite spots in the city,” he put his hand over hers, playing with the gold rings she was wearing on three of her fingers.

“I can see why.” Kate said, her eyes drifting over where the Queensboro Bridge stretched in the distance, “How did you find it?”

“My brother Colin had a huge co*cktail phase a couple years back. He dragged me all around the city trying out different places.”

“Sounds terrible for you,” Kate deadpanned.

Anthony laughed, “We actually had a lot of fun doing it. It was good because he and I kind of clashed while he was in college and it was the first time in ages he willingly wanted to spend time with me,” Kate heard the pain in his voice at what must have been a sensitive memory, but let him continue, “This was one of the spots we both loved.”

“Do you come here often then? With friends or dates or that kind of thing?” She trailed off, trying her best to sound uneffected.

“Just with Colin every few months,” he met her eyes, “I’ve never taken anyone else here.”

“Oh,” was all Kate could get out.

“I’ve been wanting to take you here for weeks.”

“Weeks?” Kate said, surprised.

Anthony rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable, “I mean not weeks, but since we started…you know…”

Kate realized and she wasn’t sure how she hadn’t seen it before, that Anthony was nervous. In how he had hesitated to kiss her on the street, how he was stumbling over the right words. She felt a wash of affection for him drift over her and settle.

The bartender swung by asking for their orders. Kate smiled as they both ordered gin martinis at the same time. She turned back towards Anthony, her knee sliding between his.

“Are you nervous?” Kate asked and Anthony looked at her curiously.

“Why would I be nervous?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know,” Kate squeezed his knee, leaning in closer to him, her lips almost brushing his ear.

“Would it help if I told you that when you asked before, if I missed you this week…”

She lingered on the words, feeling him breathing tightly at her proximity, “...that the answer was very much yes?”

Anthony’s hand came up to her chin, turning her to face him gently, a smile playing on his lips, “It does help.”

He stroked the side of her jaw lightly, his eyes roaming her face.

“For the record, I knew you did,” he teased playfully. He was just about to pull her to him, when the bartender set down their martinis.

As they both took a sip, Kate felt Anthony relax next to her, their knees still pressed together. She could feel his body loosen as they talked about their weeks and he told her about Chicago and how exhausting it was to present and pitch and sell for four days straight. How sometimes he felt like he had no idea what he was doing. He told her about his roommate from university who had recently moved to the city with his wife and how the night he hadn’t gotten back to her, they’d been getting a few pints and lost track of time and that picture he’d sent her didn’t quite accurately portray the miserable hangover he was suffering from.

Kate found herself skipping over her odd conversation with Booth, not wanting to think about it, not wanting to feel that sinking sensation on her skin. Instead she told him about having lunch with Daphne and Benedict and how she’d hit her best mile time yet around the Prospect Park loop and the simple fact of having someone to tell these things to made her body hum pleasantly.

They had one martini and then two and then decided that ordering food was most definitely not only a good idea, but a necessary one. The oysters and french fries and shrimp co*cktail arrived with their third martini and by that time Kate was feeling buzzy and euphoric, her legs tingling slightly where they touched.

Before they dug into their food, Kate yanked Anthony off their stools. She’d been watching people go in and out of a door to the right of the bar all evening and curiosity was getting the better of her.

The door opened onto an expansive balcony that was clearly closed for the season. It was completely empty except for the two of them. While Kate felt invigorated in the cold air, her body rebelled and she shivered as they walked into the night.

Anthony pulled his suit jacket off, draping it over her shoulders as she led him to the railing. New York was resplendent below them. She knew they were in plain view of the bartender and the rest of the customers, but something about the the combination of the gin, and her arms swimming in his jacket, still warm from his body and his words in her ear saying roughly I missed you too Kate was so intoxicating, that she couldn’t find it in herself to stop him when he pressed her fiercely against the railing, when his fingers spanned her ribcage, when he kissed her with abandon while the city spun beneath them.

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

As Kate woke up, her body felt stiff and her head pounded. Sunlight slanted, bright and unfiltered through the living room windows as she rubbed her eyes. She felt the indent of a zipper on her cheek and was quickly aware of two things. One, that she’d inexplicably spent the night on her living room floor. And two, that she was not alone. Kate turned her head on the pillow and smiled.

Anthony was sleeping face down a few feet from her, the blanket from the couch draped over his hips. His naked torso rose and fell as he slept. The Saturday morning light was bright, illuminating the ridges of his scapula, the light ripple of his vertebrae.

Kate couldn’t resist touching him. Laying on her side to face him, she pushed herself up on her elbow and ran a hand along his back, tracing his spine and the slope of his shoulder. He looked peaceful. She was so used to the furrow between his brows, the unrelenting intensity that followed whenever he walked into a room. She liked this version of him. She let her fingers graze the back of his neck and ran them through his hair, pushing it gently out of his face.

Anthony stirred. He slowly opened his eyes and Kate warmed at the smile that crossed his lips. He pressed himself onto his side to face her, their bodies canting in parallel lines.

“Watching me sleep?”

Kate scrunched her nose, but didn’t pull her hand away, “Maybe.”

“That’s a little Fatal Attraction don’t you think?” he teased.

Kate moved to push his shoulder, but he caught her wrist.

Anthony’s eyes danced, full of light and promise. He tugged her to him. His smile was electric as he laughed against her lips, “I’m kidding Sharma,”

Kate smiled despite herself -- the tangle of their lips and his hand on her waist -- a welcome distraction from her pounding headache.

She pulled back, but kept a hand twisted in his hair. It felt impossible to not touch him.

“My head hurts too much this morning for your bad jokes,”

Anthony leaned up on his elbow, “Hungover?”

She nodded mournfully, “All those martinis.”

Anthony slid his hand from her waist to her hair, playing with one of the strands falling against her bare shoulders.

“Are you not?” Kate prodded.

His fingers grazed her cheek bones and she couldn’t resist leaning into his touch.

“Yes, but I imagine not as bad as you are,” Kate felt his eyes stretch along her body, “I have a little bit more mass on you.”

Kate narrowed her eyes, “I don’t know if that’s how it works.”

Anthony chuckled, “That’s exactly how it works.”

He glanced around as if he’d just noticed where they were, “Clearly I was intoxicated enough to sleep on the floor.”

“I’m not sure we exactly made a cogent choice,” Kate blushed thinking about the scenario that had led them to wake up here. In that beautiful bar so many soaring feet above the city, the night had gotten away from them.

They’d kissed against the railing for a few minutes -- the magnitude of the city and the sky intoxicating in its own right -- and stopped only when despite her best efforts, Kate continued to shiver. They’d perched back on their stools and ordered another round, Kate’s body buzzing with effort as she tried not to reach for him.

The lights had gone down while they were outside and more people crowded in. The lowlights of the bar bathed them in shadows. It wasn’t cramped, but Kate felt the sensual anonymity that many bodies in a small space provided.

Anthony took another sip of his martini, setting it down as his gaze lingered on her. Something in the temperature of the air between them shifted. They’d barely touched since they sat back down, but Kate was finding it hard to breathe. She met his eyes and her lungs kindled and caught fire.

Kate leaned in closer to him as the din of the bar swallowed them up.

“Tell me more about your brother,” Kate asked, attempting to recalibrate back to their easy conversation from earlier.

Anthony regarded her for a beat, then two, his eyes searching hers as if he was lost in thought. Kate let her hand fall to his knee, squeezing assuredly.

“Anthony?” she prompted. His fingers followed hers - as if on autopilot - and he brushed her knuckles lightly.

“Sorry, I wasn’t…” he shook his head as if trying to refocus, “What did you say?”

“I was just asking more about Colin,” Anthony nodded as if considering her words carefully.

“I don’t really want to talk about my brother right now,” his words came out rough, tarnished like unpolished silver.

“Oh,” Kate said, unsure if she’d overstepped. She couldn’t read him, but was keenly aware of his unwavering eyes on her.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I’m not sure,” the words were stilted.

She frowned, pulling her lip between her teeth, “Are you okay?”

Anthony nodded and his eyes lingered on her mouth. Kate ran her thumb over his knuckles slowly.

Kate studied him -- his movements trancelike, the dilated pupils, his hand searing beneath hers -- and it clicked so clearly into place. He wasn’t upset and she hadn’t overstepped. They had spent so much time behind closed doors, unbridled in their desire for each other that this version of him, clearly aroused in a public place and fighting himself on it, was new and nearly unrecognizable.

Kate felt bold, maybe from the gin, maybe from the dizzying lights of the city reflecting in his pupils. She moved his hand, placing it on her knee.

As if he couldn’t help himself, his fingers wrapped along her thigh and she almost shivered as he touched the soft skin behind her knee.

“We could talk about my dress,” His eyes flashed to hers, “do you like it?”

Anthony nodded. Kate guided his hand past her knee. His fingers felt almost too rough, deliciously so against her skin as they moved slowly up her thigh, stopping as he hit the hem of her dress.

“Oh good,” She tried to keep her voice light, nonchalant, “You hadn’t said anything, so I wasn’t sure.”

“I like it,” he repeated, his fingers playing with the suede, seemingly hypnotized by her words.

Kate glanced around briefly before she met his eyes. The bartender was on the other side of the room pouring drinks. The rest of the patrons were caught up in their own flirtations. No one was paying them the least bit of attention.

Kate shifted slightly on her seat so the dress rode up towards the top of her thighs.

“What are you--,” he started and then swallowed his own words in a thick exhale as the top of her tights were exposed, the intricate lace and garter spiraling like a tattoo across her skin.

“What about these?”

Anthony’s eyes met hers and she saw a question there. She nodded, almost imperceptibly and he didn’t hesitate. His fingers slid further up her thigh, fingering the lace. Kate felt the slide of syrupy arousal run through her. It took everything in her not to squirm as his pointer finger dipped under the hem, touching her bare skin.

“I like these too,” he breathed out.

His fingers inched closer to her inner thigh and it was Kate’s turn to inhale, “I’m glad.”

She felt dangerously close to losing her composure in this crowded bar.

“I actually just got them,” Kate leaned in, her lips nearly brushing his ear, “for you.”

He squeezed her thigh and she continued, “When I put them on I thought about you.”

“Kate…” his voice was low, almost a warning, but she couldn’t stop, “I thought about how good it would feel when you took them off.”

Anthony’s eyes flashed and he wrenched his hand away from her as if he’d been burned. Kate’s eyes widened. She thought she’d read him right, but maybe she’d gone too far? Maybe he wasn’t actually comfortable with PDA?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean --,”

“We need to get out of here,” He cut her off, all but growling before he pulled cash out of his jacket pocket, throwing it down on the bar and tugging at her wrist, “now.”

Kate was pulled out of the memory and back to the gentle touch of Anthony’s hand across her scalp as he shot her a crooked half smile.

“I do have to say, this is a first for me.”

“You’ve never slept on the floor before?”

Mock disbelief played across Anthony’s face, “I have seven siblings, you think I’ve never camped inside?”

“I never want to assume,” Kate smiled slyly at him, “I don’t know how they do it on the Upper East Side.”

Anthony laughed, “First of all, you know I grew up in London. Do not call me a New Yorker.”

She shrugged, “If the shoe fits.”

Anthony shook his head, ignoring her.

“Let me rephrase that,” he smiled, “I’ve never had a first date end up with me on the floor.”

“Maybe you’ve been doing it wrong then.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow at her, letting his hand drift back to her waist as he pulled her closer to him.

“Is that right?” He murmured against her lips.

Kate laughed, “No I have to say… a first time for me too.”

She kissed him, getting lost in his lips and the way his skin smelled so clean and his warmth in the mid-morning sun. It was enough to distract her from her throbbing head and her dry throat and her growling stomach for about thirty seconds, but not much longer.

She pulled away, flopping back on the cushions, her inky waves splayed across the pillow.

“I think I’m dying,”

Anthony regarded her and she could see him holding back his laughter, “I can almost guarantee you, you’re not.”

Her stomach rumbled again and the oysters and french fries they’d devoured felt suddenly very far away, “I need to eat something,”

“I think we can make that happen,” Kate turned her head to look at him, “What do you have in mind?”

“Pancakes.”

He smiled, “pancakes?”

“Pancakes,” she confirmed, “My favorite diner is just a few blocks away.”

Anthony studied her carefully. She wanted to turn away. Being looked at by him was like being stripped bare, like standing naked in a crowded room, like plunging into the sea when the air is hot and your skin is sizzling - invigorating and enlivening and bracing and terrifying all at once.

“Are you asking me on a date now, Sharma?”

Kate wrinkled her nose as if considering it, “I don’t think hangover pancakes count as a date.”

“They do in my book,” he said seriously and it was her turn to hold back a laugh.

She acquiesced, “You know you’re right it does count,”

She let her eyes rake over his body appreciatively and then drift to the suit jacket tossed over the couch, the tie laying listless on the floor, and smiled.

“It counts because you’ll be wearing a suit,” Anthony’s eyes widened in recognition as he followed her gaze, “Anytime anyone is in a suit, it’s definitely a date.”

He ran a hand over his hair, “I completely forgot I don’t have clothes.”

Kate raised her eyebrows at him, “is that a problem?”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a problem, “Anthony looked around as if hoping to magically conjure an outfit change.

“But I don’t normally brunch in a 3 piece suit.”

“But you looked so good in it,” Kate said simply.

“Is that a compliment?” The image of Anthony standing on that sidewalk, so distractingly handsome, flashed in her mind. She felt a sweep of fondness as she remembered how he'd smiled at her through the mess of commuters.

Kate shrugged casually, “just a fact.”

Anthony was grinning and she lobbed a pillow at him, “Oh c’mon you know you looked good. Don’t let it go to your head.”

Anthony caught the pillow easily, “I wasn’t sure,” his grin still broad, “You tried to get it off me so quickly in the back of that car. You might have hated it.”

Kate tossed another pillow at him as she stood, blushing as she thought back to their trip home from the bar.

Making their way out of the bar had been a test of self control. They’d been forced to wait in line at the coat check and the elevator ride had been pure torture. Another couple had crammed in and Kate had been close to shoving them out of the small space. Anthony had stared straight ahead, giving no indication that he was feeling the least bit undone. The elevator had jostled them between floors and Kate nearly passed out when his fingers had slid easily to her ass, cupping her through her dress in a way that shot pure, unfiltered desire through her like diesel fuel. His touch was gone - returned to its innocuous place on her lower back - before she could catch his eye.

Kate had been resigned to suffering through small talk with an Uber driver, so when a sleek sedan was waiting for them on the curb, she couldn’t find it in herself to protest. She couldn’t even feign nonchalance when Anthony tossed out her address as if he’d known it forever. When he’d pressed a button on the center console and a partition rose up between them and the driver, she nearly groaned.

They were alone.

It would have been embarrassing how much she wanted him, if he hadn’t turned to her with the same desire reflected in his eyes. His face came in and out of focus as they passed street lights, yellow bursts and their accompanying shadows outlining the sharp cut of his jaw. Kate sighed and each breath felt like an eternity as their eyes met. The silence ached and her body hummed.

A haziness settled between them and she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined his hands on her and his words in her ear and his broad smile on the sidewalk and then one hand was on the back of her neck, crashing his lips against hers. The other reached for her thighs, this time wasting no time shoving her dress up, finding her tights and bare skin and pulling her half across his lap as if possessed. Kate still wasn’t used to the overwhelming synesthesia she felt when he touched her - his skin felt crimson and the air between them was loud and his hands on her tasted bittersweet and heady - that she couldn’t help but moan into his mouth.

Anthony leaned down to kiss her jaw, sucking at her neck, “How do you do that Kate?”

His words were tangled as he looked at her between kisses, a vulnerability, a question, a violent lustfulness making twin crossings along his face as he drank her in, “Make me feel like I’m just…like I’m…”

His words were lost as Kate moaned, nestling her hands into his hair. Anthony kissed all the bare skin he could find, his hands sliding up her thighs, around to her ass, pulling her up to straddle his hips. Kate could feel him hard beneath her and she rocked her hips, greedy for the friction.

They were traversing the Manhattan Bridge and one hundred feet up above all of that dark water Kate felt alive, reckless, the vibration of the subway rumbling through her bones. She felt drunk not just on the gin, but on how solid Anthony felt beneath her, how the orange ambient lights of the city spun in the distance. He squeezed her ass roughly, and her hands were everywhere, wanting more of him. Underneath his jacket and loosening his tie and fumbling with the buttons on his vest, reaching for his belt, feeling out of her mind. Anthony caught her wrists and grinned.

“Kate,” he exhaled, “Keep doing what you’re doing and I’m not going to be able to stop.”

“What if I don’t want you to stop,” she breathed out.

“I need to stop,” his words were ragged, his breathing course.

She leaned down, drawing his lips back to hers, letting her tongue play with his, nearly crying out at how erotic just kissing him felt. Kate was a different person in this moment and all she wanted was him. The momentum tumbled her forwards, the heat of him all encompassing beneath her.

She pulled away and met his eyes, trying to say everything she was feeling -- how her mind was imploding, how her body was on fire, how her heart might explode.

“Don’t stop,” she said instead. He studied her as if making a decision, tracing her face in his hand, running the back of his knuckles over her cheekbone before pulling her to him again.

Kate’s hands roamed his body as they kissed, dropping lower, pulling his belt out of its loops and sliding the button free on his pants. This time he didn’t stop her as she slid her hands into his boxers, wrapping around him and pumping slowly, languidly, until his head dropped against the back of the seat and his eyes closed as her name fell from his lips. Kate had been so lost in the feeling of him, the sounds he’d made as he’d pushed his hips into her hand, wanting more, that she felt wrenched out of a dream when the car stopped, seemingly abruptly, at her apartment.

Anthony had pulled her out of the car so fast, crowding her as she unlocked the entrance and then pulling her back against him as they took the stairs, his hips canting against hers as she tried her hardest to open her front door. He’d proceeded to slam the door behind them and had been inside her quickly there after, f*cking her hard against the living room couch. They hadn’t made it to the bedroom and instead collapsed on the rug. The last thing Kate remembered was Anthony pulling the blanket off the couch while she nestled against his chest.

“I need to shower,” she tossed over her shoulder, “And lucky for you I just remembered that you left that sweatshirt last week. You can wear that. Although I won’t promise that Newton will part with it easily.”

He smiled, “I’ll take those odds.”

Kate laughed, before looking at him expectantly, “You coming?”

Anthony didn’t even try to hide his smile as he followed her toward the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The changing of the seasons was evident as they walked out of Kate’s apartment. She glanced over at Anthony in his suit pants, dress shoes, navy blue hoodie, coat, and glasses. Somehow despite the clear mismatch of his outfit and the slightly bleary way he was blinking in the sunlight, he looked undeniably right at home on the streets of Park Slope.

She smiled fondly at him as he pushed his glasses up. She’d noticed that even when he was wearing contacts he usually brought an extra pair of glasses stashed away in his jacket pocket. It was reminiscent of a little boy always packing an extra pair in case one broke and she loved the way the glasses transformed him from impossibly suave CEO -- the man she’d met in the club and instantly misjudged -- to the Anthony of Chinese takeout and racing on the Hudson and smiling at her across a crowded conference room.

The change of the seasons was apparent in the few straggling leaves left on the trees, on the way that the families they passed were bundled up, scarves and beanies added on over peacoats and puffers. It had been a short two weeks since they’d taken a similar stroll to Prospect Park and yet the change in the energy between them felt as stark as the shift from autumn to winter. Two weeks ago they had danced around each other, apprehensive and unsure and Kate remembered how nervous she had been to touch him, as if the spell could be broken by something as simple as his fingers brushing hers.

This time, he had reached for her hand as soon as they walked onto the street and Kate held back a smile, feeling almost giddy at his hand wrapped around hers. Their eyes met and she let herself squeeze his fingers. It was too surreal and yet all too easy to feel like she never wanted to let go.

Kate’s mind was whirring and they were both quiet as they walked. She glanced up at him, noticing that he too looked like he was caught up in thought.

She couldn’t remember the last time she held someone’s hand in public. None of her recent entanglements had warranted such a clear public display of affection. In fact, aside from meeting Ryan a couple of times for lunch, she couldn’t remember the last time she had spent time with a man she was involved with for longer than an evening, let alone a whole weekend. It was so simple with Anthony, it was almost perplexing. Kate told herself that even if this thing between them -- a fiery meeting of the minds, an entanglement that lit her up inside -- was fleeting she would still have today, this moment of holding on a sunny Saturday. That would need to be enough.

Anthony’s words pulled her out of her head, “Kate, this is it right?”

She looked up, the familiar deep red awning of her favorite neighborhood diner smiling down at her. She nodded, following him in. Kate led him to her favorite booth, nestled in the corner with a perfect view of a large linden tree and excellent people watching.

Anthony sat across from her and she couldn’t resist smiling at him in his hoodie, his hair barely under control. A waitress appeared almost instantaneously and they both ordered coffee, reaching for the vinyl-covered menus nestled by the window.

Kate opened the menu and glanced down, only half reading it since she knew exactly what she wanted. As she watched Anthony study the menu, it struck her suddenly that despite the icy feeling she’d had all week, she hadn’t thought about work or her loans or her conversation with Booth once since she’d been with him. It was a startling realization. Nothing and no one got her out of her head like that. It was like breathing again. Before she could dwell on it too long, the waitress reappeared with the coffee and took their orders. Blueberry pancakes for Kate and an egg white omelet, toast, and homefries for Anthony.

Kate reached for her coffee eagerly, dumping two creamers in before taking a large gulp that nearly burned her throat, but also did its job in shooting caffeine nearly directly into her bloodstream.

“Careful,” Anthony smirked, “It’s not going anywhere.”

“If I drink it faster, maybe it will kick in faster,

Anthony smirked at her across the table, “Should we get you an IV? That might be more efficient.”

Kate shot him a playful glare over the rim of her mug, “I am willing to try anything at this point to stop my head from hurting.”

“I’m sorry you’re hungover,”

“Me too,” Kate deadpanned.

Anthony paused for a beat, his eyes settling on hers quietly.

“So are you saying you regret last night?”

She laughed, “I didn’t say that,” Kate saw a question float across his face briefly and then disappear, “Although the amount of drinks we both had might be inadvisable.”

He shrugged, taking a long sip of his coffee.

Kate reached her foot across the booth, touching his ankle lightly, meeting his eyes, “I don’t regret last night at all.”

“Good,” Anthony smiled at her, and she felt his foot move against hers, “I don’t either.”

Her body ached to touch him, the electricity where their feet met making it hard to concentrate on anything else.

“Although I need to know, do you always get that drunk on a first date?” she teased.

“I have to say, I haven’t truly been on a real date in ages.”

“Really?” Kate took another sip of her coffee, “That surprises me,”

Anthony raised an eyebrow, “Why does that surprise you?”

She dragged her eyes over him pointedly, “Young, smart, successful CEO in New York City? And I mean, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”

“Was there a compliment in there somewhere?” He asked dryly.

Kate leaned in a little closer across the table, all of a sudden regretting not sliding in next to him so she could tilt her face easily up to his.

“There were quite a few compliments in there,” she reached for his hand, playing with his fingers where they held his mug.

He brushed a hand over her knuckles, “I don’t know why I haven’t. I just haven’t really had any time in the last few years.”

He continued, “I had a girlfriend for about three years right out of college.”

“Oh,” was all Kate could get out, “what was she like?”

Anthony looked down at his coffee as if he was debating how to answer. Kate would have given her right arm to know what he was thinking as the spoon clinked against the side of the mug.

“Her name was Sienna. She was an actress. Incredibly talented.”

Kate tried to stop the surprise from plastering itself across her face - an actress was the exact opposite of who she imagined Anthony with. And it couldn’t be farther from who I am, her brain added in unhelpfully.

“But in the end, she wasn’t for me. We wanted different things,” he said quietly and Kate thought she heard a tinge of remorse in his voice, “She wanted to get married. Not kids yet, but start thinking about it and at the time, I didn’t want that.”

Kate wanted so badly to ask what do you want now but didn’t, biting down on her lip instead.

“Are you still in touch with her?”

Anthony met her eyes over the rim of his mug as he took another sip, “We used to be,” he paused, rubbing the back of his neck, “She moved to LA and I used to see her whenever I was out there for work. Grab a coffee, that kind of thing.”

Kate wondered if coffee meant actual coffee or if it meant the kind of “coffee” she’d laid awake worrying about a few nights before.

“And now?”

Anthony studied her curiously, “I stopped reaching out to her a few years back. It wasn’t good for me honestly… to keep seeing her I mean”

Kate nodded, relief uncoiling cool and calming through her veins. Kate let the quiet settle between them for a beat and Anthony continued.

“I feel like all I’ve done over the last few years is work and eat and sleep and worry about my family and then wake up and do it all over again. There just isn’t time for anything else.”

“I know the feeling,” she smiled at him.

“What about you?” He asked and she thought she saw apprehension in his eyes.

Kate rested her chin on her hand and smirked at him, “Are you asking if I usually get that drunk on a first date?”

He laughed and Kate was glad that she could bring the levity back to the corners of his eyes.

“No, although I am curious about that too,” he took another sip of his coffee.

“Do you date? Have you dated?”

Kate took a breath, “I don’t really date either.”

Anthony raised his eyebrow, throwing her words back at her, “That surprises me. ”

Kate smirked, “Touche, Bridgerton.”

“Really though,” he pushed and it was Kate’s turn to tug on the braid she’d woven into her hair haphazardly after their shower.

“The same reasons really,” Kate started, “I was focused on my family for so long after my dad died.”

“You were ten right?”

Kate nodded.

“How was your mom after?”

“Honestly?” she paused, “Not good. She was just…so sad all the time. My sister was so young and didn’t really understand what was going on. I ended up taking care of a lot in those first few years.”

Anthony frowned, “what kind of stuff?”

Kate shrugged, trying to ignore the flush she felt creeping around her ears. She didn’t like to talk about that time. It made her feel hot and wrong and uncomfortable. It felt like something to hide even though rationally she was sure that Anthony would likely understand better than anyone.

“Normal things. I’d pick Edwina up at school. Sometimes I’d grocery shop…that kind of thing.”

She saw the blur of surprise cross his face, “at ten?”

“I mean not all the time, just when Mary needed help.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to sound like it was a bad thing, I was just surprised,” he reached for her hand again, “that sounds kind of familiar.”

She looked away, pulling her hand away to tug on her braid again, “I don’t know how we even got on this topic, we don’t need to talk about it…” she laughed uncomfortably.

“Kate, it's okay… we can talk about it.”

She shook her head and took a breath “No…I, let’s not okay?

He nodded, but still looked concerned and Kate wanted to do anything to get that look off his face. Like he was pitying her.

The words came out in a rush,“after that Grad school took so much time and now with work, dating is just very low on the priority list.”

Anthony nodded slowly, studying her as if he was deciding to press her or not. She hoped he didn’t -- her heart was already racing at this small divulgence of her childhood, how alone she’d felt for so long.

Kate continued, feeling like the words were spilling out of her, unchecked and unencumbered, “That’s why this is so nice between us.”

His brows furrowed, “This?”

“This, you know,” She motioned between them, nearly knocking her coffee over in the process, “us seeing each other…”

He looked confused so she continued, “...sleeping together?”

“Ah,” he said and in the one syllable she thought she heard disappointment.

“It’s so easy because we’re on the same page, you know?”

Anthony nodded again, but he was frowning and Kate worried she had very much said the wrong thing.

“Right?”

Just as quickly as the frown appeared, it washed from his face and the warmth of his smile returned.

“Right, of course,” Kate thought she heard a slight dip in his voice, despite the smile. It was her turn to frown.

“Anthony, I --,” Kate was cut off by the arrival of their food. The waitress deposited everything in front of them and Kate couldn’t help but be distracted by the heaping plate of pancakes in front of her.

Kate felt relief as he teased her about the pancakes and she in turn ribbed him about the utter pretension of ordering an egg white omelet. She didn’t know how the conversation had taken such a turn to the shadow that had cast -- quietly yet unmistakably -- over Anthony’s face when she had said that they were on the same page.

Her mind spun as she reached for the maple syrup on autopilot. Were they not on the same page? Had Kate given far too much credence to the fact that they weren’t seeing anyone else? Was she kidding herself about their first date? Was she imagining how easy things were between them, as easy as breathing? Was he thinking about this differently? Maybe he was gearing up to wrap things up. The project was ending in two weeks and he had just been explicit about not having any time to date seriously.

Kate shook her head -- trying to rid the anxiety from where it was setting up camp in the back of her head -- and looked across the table at Anthony in his sweatshirt and fancy watch and those warm brown eyes. He looked up from his food, sensing her watching him and co*cked his head, inviting her to speak.

“Nevermind,” she said and instead touched her foot to his, feeling the tiniest bit of solace that he smiled at her, wrapping his foot intimately along her ankle under the table. Even if they weren’t on the same page, that was okay. This moment - at least for now - was enough.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

Outside, the afternoon was drifting into the evening underneath a stormy sky. Kate was laying on her couch, waiting for her sister to arrive and mourning her sudden solitude.

Two hours ago, she texted Edwina to come over for dinner, and then absentmindedly flipped open her laptop to distract herself. That had lasted all of ten minutes before she felt restless. She’d opened up the NYTimes crossword and then spent the better part of the last two hours, toggling between the Games app and her text threads, halfheartedly responding to her sister while she pretended she wasn’t checking if Anthony had texted.

He hadn’t.

Her mood was dark and to make matters worse, in the last hour clouds had gathered over Brooklyn and it was now pouring rain. The palette outside was considerably gray, but Kate didn’t hate it as much as resented it for how accurately it matched her disposition.

She’d kissed Anthony goodbye earlier that afternoon with a sense of finality that was unsettling. He’d walked out her door without an I’ll text you later or what are you up to tomorrow and the longer she’d wallowed on the couch, the lower her expectations sank that she’d see him again this weekend.

It was in jarring contrast to the last few weekends they’d spent together. It had become a pattern for their Fridays to roll indolently into Saturday and drift into Sunday until the stark edges of Monday came back into focus and the week began again.

They’d finished eating and taken another walk along Prospect Park, both quiet in the chilly morning air. Something had shifted between them over breakfast. It was in the way his eyes didn’t quite meet hers. He’d reached for her hand as they left the diner, but he’d still felt just out of reach. Kate watched his profile, trying to track the swirl behind his eyes, but all she felt was her own frustration.

As they’d walked, Anthony’s phone had rung and she couldn’t help but be charmed at how miserably he failed at feigning annoyance at the screeching on the other side of the line. The grin that took over his face was impossible to disguise as anything other than pure, unadulterated pride. He’d hung up and told her the news. One of his sisters had just gotten in early decision to Brown and an impromptu, but clearly quite mandatory, celebratory family dinner had just been scheduled for that evening.

After dinner, he told her he was thinking of meeting up with a friend who’d recently moved back to the city. While she knew it wasn’t particularly rational, Kate had felt a soft swoop of disappointment when he hadn’t invited her along to either plan.

She was lost in her mind as they made their way back to her apartment. It was perfectly logical for Anthony to have plans that didn’t include her. More than logical. It was expected. He wasn’t her boyfriend. They’d been seeing each other for all of a month and last night had been the first time they’d done anything remotely relationship-like.

She didn’t expect to meet his family, couldn’t meet his family as anyone other than his coworker while the project was still going on.

Intellectually, all of that made sense, but she kept thinking of the warmth she’d felt between Anthony and Fran last week and how much she wanted to meet the rest of his family, just to see if they orbited him in the same idolizing way that his younger sister so clearly had.

Much to her disappointment, the invitation hadn’t come. The pancakes and coffee were just a temporary cure for her hangover and by the time they were back at her apartment, the couch looked all too inviting and they’d both collapsed onto it.

Kate tried not to be too enamored by how good it felt to curl up against his chest and tuck her feet under his leg as he pulled the blanket over her. They’d stayed that way for a while, talking and taking turns rubbing Newton’s ears as he settled on Anthony’s lap. As the afternoon darkened, Anthony had untangled himself from her saying that unfortunately, he had to go.

Despite the turbulence in his eyes, Kate latched on to how sweetly he’d looked at her before he kissed her goodbye. Anthony had squeezed her hand, but hadn’t asked when he’d see her again. Kate hadn’t either. The question hung stagnant and unsaid between them. They’d stood in her drafty kitchen, watching each other and she’d seen something in his eyes that she wished she hadn’t -- a hesitation, a sadness maybe, as he rubbed his jaw -- and then leaned in, kissing her cheek before closing the door behind him with a click. Kate listened to his footsteps move quickly down the stairs and felt empty as silence prevailed shortly after.

She’d returned to the couch and the swell of disappointment had been hard to ignore as she waited for her sister. She swallowed it down as she beat four consecutive crosswords and pushed it down further as a loud knocking around 7pm signaled Edwina’s arrival.

Kate mustered a smile when her sister burst into her living room, dark hair plastered to her forehead from the downpour outside, but holding wine, a frozen pizza and a premixed salad kit against her tiny frame.

After Kate had adequately teased Edwina for saying she’d “cook for her” and then only bringing premade and frozen ingredients, she followed her into the kitchen and they’d busied themselves heating the oven and throwing the pizza in, which took all of ten minutes.

Edwina was now leaning against the counter holding her glass of wine, regarding her sister with what looked like suspicion.

Kate narrowed her eyes as she took a long sip of her lemon seltzer.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Edwina squinted at her and Kate felt an odd sense of solidarity with a cell specimen under a microscope.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?”

Edwina tapped her chin as she gave Kate the once over, “I don’t know, I just feel like you’ve been acting weird lately.”

“I haven’t been acting weird,” Kate said with a shrug.

“You have though…I’ve barely seen you…you never respond to my texts,

“I respond to your texts!” Kate protested, although if she was being honest with herself, she could remember a few that had gone unanswered in the last two weeks. To her credit, Kate didn’t necessarily think it was mandatory to respond to random TikToks from Edwina.

Edwina ignored her and continued, “You have me walking Newton at all hours of the day…”

Kate flushed, “That was one time and I was working.”

Edwina arched one delicate eyebrow, “on a Friday?”

“Yes on a Friday Edwina,” Kate hoped she sounded admonishing instead of guilty.

“So you’re saying you’re just extra busy with work?”

Kate nodded, taking another sip of her seltzer, “You know the Partner decision is close,”

Edwina took a gulp of her wine and as her sister looked at her suspiciously, Kate couldn’t help but think she’d be right at home stirring up drama on one of those reality TV shows she was always watching. Not sure if it would offend or compliment her sister, Kate decided to keep that observation to herself.

“What?”

“I think you’re seeing someone,” Edwina said definitively.

Kate scowled at her, “why would you think that?”

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say. Edwina’s eyes lit up, “so you’re not denying it?”

“I didn’t say I was seeing anyone Eddie,” Kate said evenly.

Edwina looked even more triumphant, “but you didn’t say that you weren’t!”

“I’m not seeing anyone.”

The words tasted the way lies always did, salty and hot on her tongue.

Edwina squinted at her, “Liar.”

“Don’t call me a liar,”

“Don’t lie to me then,” Edwina said in a petulant tone.

Kate held back from sticking her tongue out at her younger sister. A moment stretched between them and Kate wasn’t sure why the next words tumbled out of her, but once they did, she couldn’t stop herself.

“I am seeing someone--”

“Knew it!” Edwina cut her off.

Kate rolled her eyes, “I am seeing someone, but temper your excitement, it’s not serious.”

“What an optimistic way to start the conversation,” Edwina said dryly.

“I’m just being honest,” Kate said as Edwina shot her a playful glare.

“Who is it?”

“Just a guy,”

“A guy I would know?”

“You don't know any guys I know,”

“That’s presumptive of you. I know lots of guys,”

“Not this guy,”

“Is it someone from Columbia?”

“No,”

“Is it that guy Ryan you were texting?”

Kate almost laughed at how little she had thought about Ryan in the last few weeks. She shook her head.

“Is it someone from Hinge?”

“No,”

“Is it that hot CEO you were telling me about?”

“No,” she responded, perhaps too hastily. Edwina’s eyes widened in recognition.

“It totally is! You’re hooking up with the hot CEO!”

“I’m not,” she argued, but felt a hot blush creep up her face.

Edwina laughed, “Why are you denying it?”

Kate was surprised by the wave of shyness that crashed over her. While she didn’t always talk to Edwina about her dating life, she also had never felt this level of apprehension at sharing with her sister. Anthony felt like a secret that could implode as soon as someone else knew. Despite that, she was having trouble holding back a smile.

“Okay I am.”

Edwina looked jubilant, “this is huge news.”

“But you can’t tell anyone,” Kate said quickly.

Edwina rolled her eyes, “Kate, literally who would I tell?”

“I don’t know, but it’s complicated, he’s my client and I would without question get fired.”

Edwina mimed zipping her lips and tossing out the key and Kate glared at her again, “we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks.”

“A few weeks! And you’re just telling me now?”

Kate shrugged, “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“Well tell me everything,”

Kate rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile again, “there’s not a ton to tell really, we’ve just been hanging out on the weekends… getting to know each other.”

Edwina nodded knowingly, “so just a hookup kind of thing?”

“Yeah… I guess?”

“I mean are you just seeing each other and having sex?”

“Basically yeah…” Kate said even as her mind meandered back to Anthony unlocking her apartment door with charming trepidation, his arms full of groceries. Anthony grinning at her in the grass after they’d raced. Anthony on that crowded sidewalk last night, hands jammed into his pockets and those dark eyes bright in the twilight.

“I mean we’ve been hanging out a fair bit too I guess?”

“Like dates?”

“Sort of,” Kate sighed, putting her head in her hands. This battery of questions was overwhelming. She didn’t have all the answers for her sister or even half of them for herself, “I guess I don’t know?”

Edwina put a hand on her shoulder and Kate looked up, relieved to see the softness in her sister’s face behind her teasing tone.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, I'm just confused,” Kate rubbed her temples, “We were having breakfast this morning and I don’t know…I feel like I pissed him off or something.”

“This morning? So you’re doing sleepovers too?”

Kate shot her a look, “we went out last night to this beautiful rooftop bar in FiDi.”

“Sounds dreamy.”

“It was,” Kate confirmed.

“We had martinis and French fries and it was just fun,”

“So far I don’t see the problem.”

“I didn’t say there was a problem,”

Edwina motioned for her to continue.

“We came back here after--”

“and hooked up obviously,” Edwina interrupted.

Kate had the overwhelming urge to knock her sister’s wine glass out of her hand, “and we got breakfast this morning at 7th Street.”

“You took him to 7th Street? I knew it was serious.”

“We were just talking and then all of a sudden after he got kind of quiet and —“

The timer for the pizza buzzed and Kate felt saved by the bell, reaching for the oven mitt behind Edwina. She busied herself with pulling the pizza onto the cutting board and meticulously slicing it with an ancient, nearly rusted slicer she’d had at least since college.

Kate didn’t look up, but felt Edwina’s eyes on her, “what were you talking about?”

She sighed, “our dating history.”

Edwina laughed.

“Kateee,” she drew out the word into more than one syllable, “I don’t think that’s anyone’s favorite topic.”

“He was being really open though and so was I,”

Edwina narrowed her eyes, “you open? Doubtful.”

“I was!” Kate protested.

“So what’s his dating history? A series of mistresses and unrequited lovers strung across the country?”

Kate tried to look reprimanding, but she bit back a laugh instead.

“No, a serious girlfriend a while ago. But he was sort of just saying that he hasn’t really had time to date and hasn’t been looking for anything serious.”

Edwina nodded, taking in the information, “and what did you say?”

“I said I wasn’t either…” she trailed off and Edwina seemed to sense her hesitation.

“And?”

“And I was glad that we were on the same page….” She sighed, “that it was just sex for both of us.”

“And that’s when he got quiet?”

She nodded, “Kate he likes you!”

“He doesn’t,” she shook her head, “I promise you.”

Kate took a deep breath in before she continued, “Why would he explicitly say he wasn’t looking for anything then?”

“It doesn’t sound like he said that. It sounds like he was talking past tense.”

Kate dismissed that theory, “semantics.”

“Important semantics,”

“I feel like he could have clarified things Edwina,”

“Do you like him?”

“I mean of course I like him, I’m sleeping with him.”

“Those two things can easily be mutually exclusive,” Edwina mused and Kate couldn't help but smirk. She didn’t actually disagree with her sister on that one.

Kate shrugged, feeling defeated, “I do like him.

She watched Edwina try to hold back a smile, “You like him.”

Kate bit her lip, “I like him.”

Her stomach flipped as a random memory crossed her mind. Last week, she’d woken up in Anthony’s bed without him in it. She’d wandered downstairs to find him pouring coffee over a French press and talking to Newton in a low voice as if he was sharing a secret. She’d stood in the doorway watching them for a moment until Anthony had noticed her and shot her a half smile, pulling her into the kitchen and wrapping her in his arms while the coffee steeped.

This admission was like citrus on her tongue, “I like him a lot I think.”

“And he likes you too,” her sister said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t know Edwina…honestly I don’t know why I said those things to him.”

Kate squeezed her eyes shut for a second. She did know why she’d said it. She’d seen the look in his eyes as she told him about life after her Dad died. How alone she had been. He looked sad. Sad and protective and angry for her all at once. Kate wasn’t used to seeing that in anyone’s eyes other than her own when she looked in the mirror. It felt wrong. She didn’t trust it. And she liked the way he’d seen her before - confident and unencumbered and unbroken. She didn’t want to ruin that. It had been so much easier to keep him at an arms length than let him see more of those parts that she tucked away safely for herself. Edwina must have sensed that she needed a minute because she turned her back to her, rummaging through the drawers for utensils and napkins.

Kate continued, feeling less naked without her sister’s eyes on her, “He usually texts after we hang out.”

“And he didn’t today?”

Kate shook her head before she realized Edwina couldn’t see her, “No nothing,” Kate looked down at her watch, “and it’s 8pm… he’s definitely done with his dinner by now.”

Something inside her deflated as she said it out loud.

“Well do you ever text him?”

“Of course I do,”

Edwina shot her a look, “Why are you looking at me like I’m some ice queen?”

“Are you not?”

“No,” Kate pondered for a second and raised her chin haughtily, “I just have high standards.”

Edwina burst into laughter as she turned to face Kate again.

“Well why don’t you text him to tell him you had a nice time instead. This poor guy is probably over there having a complex because he’s completely in love with you and you just told him you’re using him for sex.”

“He’s not in love with me. He barely knows me.”

“Still.”

Kate scowled at her.

“It’s the 21st century Kate, you can text a man.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s just eat.”

“Fine, but I’m not done with you.”

Kate resisted rolling her eyes, but was grateful when Edwina changed the subject as she tossed the salad and put food on both of their plates. Her mind was elsewhere as they took their food into the living room and she listened to Edwina chattering about the latest drama with her three roommates.

It hadn’t struck her that Anthony might have reacted to her emphatic insistence that what was between them was only casual. Saying it out loud to Edwina was like holding up a mirror. Somehow, disastrously, she’d developed genuine feelings for him. The fact that she had no idea how he felt in turn was making her skin feel hot and her body jittery. As they devoured the pizza, her phone felt like it was burning a hole in her pocket.

Edwina disappeared into the kitchen to grab a refill on drinks for both of them and Kate pulled out her phone, trying not to overthink that the screen still remained tragically blank.

Her stomach dropped as she pulled up their texts and she wanted to shake herself. Why was she nervous? She’d thought she'd gotten past that feeling with him.

She typed out a few texts and then promptly erased each one.

Hey what’s up? Sounded like she was twelve.

What are you up to? She knew what he was up to.

Are you still out? Sounded like a booty call.

Edwina came back into the room and Kate stayed transfixed on her phone. Out of the corner of her eye she could feel Edwina peering at her.

Kate: Hi

She pressed send before she could stop herself.

Kate: How was dinner?

She typed it out and sent the second half of the message quickly before she regretted it. It was a normal text. Why was she losing her mind? Kate put her phone on the coffee table, wanting to get it as far away as possible.

Edwina was eating another slice of pizza, “Did you text him?”

Kate glared at her, reaching for another seltzer. This morning’s headache had finally started to fade and wine wasn’t sounding as bad as it had an hour ago.

The phone buzzed loudly and a thimble of adrenaline thrummed through her. Kate lunged for it, almost knocking over Edwina’s wine in the process.

“Kate, relax, my god,” she ignored her sister, frowning as she picked up her phone and just saw a push notification from Uber for a five percent off coupon. Her heart fell.

Just as she was putting it down - face down this time -- the phone buzzed again and his name flashed across the screen. Kate’s muscles loosened as she had the startling realization that she’d spent the whole afternoon assuming she’d never hear from him again.

Anthony: Hi

The gray bubbles showed that he was still typing and yet, he had her caught in a single syllable.

Anthony: Loud

Anthony: Drunken

Anthony: Nearly out of control

Anthony: And for me, bordering on abusive

Anthony: When they all get together and there’s champagne, they tend to find ganging up on me to be like a sport

Kate chuckled as she typed.

Kate: I might have to agree with them

Kate: teasing you might be my favorite sport

Anthony: I have no allies

Kate: Sorry to disappoint

Kate: Is that why I wasn’t invited?

The bubbles appeared and disappeared as if he was contemplating his response.

Anthony: Would you have wanted to come?

That wasn’t an answer she thought.

Kate: Wouldn’t you like to know

Anthony: Yes

Anthony: I really would

Kate paused as she typed and Edwina’s eyes met hers over the edge of her phone. Edwina raised her eyebrows.

“What’s he saying?”

“Nothing,”

“You’re no fun,” Kate returned her attention back to the phone. She decided ignoring his question was easier than admitting a truth to him that she wasn’t quite sure he reciprocated.

Kate: What are you guys doing now?

Anthony: We just left my mum’s and a few of us are meeting up with my friend to grab a couple of beers

Anthony: taken half against my will to a bar full of games I think?

Kate laughed.

Kate: Where?

Anthony: I want to say somewhere in the West Village?

Kate: Cellar Dog?

Anthony: That sounds right

Kate typed it out before she chickened out.

Kate: Can I come meet you guys?

His response came immediately which buoyed Kate’s outlook on the situation.

Anthony: Sure

Anthony: Fair warning though, Daphne and Benedict are with me

Her stomach dipped, but Kate was determined to not let that deter her. While every pragmatic part of her was ringing the alarm that this was a dangerous situation to put herself in, the other part of her, the one who had gone over their conversation at the diner in her head a thousand times, the one that desperately wanted - no needed if she was being honest with herself - to see him, was winning out.

Kate: I assumed so with the teasing as a sport

Kate: I don’t mind

Kate: Tonight, we can be just friends

He typed and then paused. A minute passed before he responded.

Anthony: Friends?

Kate: You haven’t mentioned us to them right?

Anthony: Of course not

Kate: You can handle friends for a night, Bridgerton

Anthony: I’m not so sure I can

Anthony: but I’d love for you to come

Kate: see you in an hour or so

Kate: I’m bringing my sister

Kate put her phone down before she could second guess herself. She looked up at Edwina who was still regarding her curiously.

“We’re going out,” Kate said, sounding - she hoped - a hell of a lot more confident than she felt.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

“Oi Kate, you’re up!

Kate whipped her head around. Colin was leaning against his pool cue, his eyebrows raised. He looked impatient and it was clear she hadn’t heard him the first time he’d called over the live jazz that was playing in the far corner of the basem*nt bar.

Excusing herself from her conversation with Eloise, she grabbed her pool cue and stood. While she’d only met Anthony’s sister an hour ago, her fiery perspectives on just about everything had quickly endeared her to Kate.

“Sorry, sorry! You could have shot for me,”

Colin shook his head in mock disbelief, “never.”

Kate grinned and turned towards the table, walking around it slowly to assess her next move. Her eyes wandered to where Edwina and Anthony were chatting amicably on the other side, waiting for her to take her turn.

Anthony met her eyes and she averted her gaze, trying her hardest to not look like she was looking at him. Colin watched her expectantly and she scolded herself for doing an incredibly poor job of maintaining their platonic facade.

It was still pouring when Edwina and Kate had descended the staircase to the bar, a little rumpled and more than slightly damp from their walk from the subway. It was now nearly 10pm and Kate’s limbs still felt tightly wound from an hour spent holding back from touching Anthony, despite their close proximity.

Cellar Dog was big and loud - live jazz music played in one corner, the wail of the trumpet easily distinguishable over the crush of conversation. New York’s under thirty-five set were milling around long picnic tables, billiards and ping pong. Kate recognized the loose tangle of limbs, hazy eyes and half empty drinks sitting forgotten - they were the signs of uninhibited flirtations that so often accompanied a Saturday night.

Kate’s stomach had dipped as she spotted the Bridgertons crowded around a few empty pitchers of beer in the far corner. She had instantly spotted Benedict, but hadn’t recognized the woman and the other two men standing next to him. She presumed the taller man must be Anthony’s friend, while the other two, with their dark hair, height, and expressive eyes, were clearly his siblings.

Her eyes had roamed the space for Anthony and she’d felt a jolt as he approached the table with another pitcher, a broad smile on his face as his siblings pretended to applaud as he set the pitcher down. He was in glasses and a maroon sweater with the sleeves rolled up. Kate felt an indulgent sense of voyeurism as she watched him, unable to look away.

With a deep breath and a slight shove from Edwina, they’d been on their way to the table, when they’d run smack into Daphne coming from the bathroom. Daphne was much less formal than Kate was used to seeing her - hair down in a cream colored slip dress, sweater, and a pair of covetable heeled boots. Daphne had given Kate a big hug and explained that Anthony had mentioned she might be coming by. She introduced herself to Edwina enthusiastically, and then dragged the both of them over to the table where they’d been met with warm smiles and hellos.

Kate barely had a chance to meet Anthony’s eyes as she and Edwina were passed around the table for introductions. Kate silently thanked Daphne for introducing them, making it feel less like she was some random friend who’d showed up and more like she’d gotten to know all three of the older Bridgerton siblings through work and decided to swing by.

Kate had watched as Anthony made his way over to Edwina purposefully and how her sister beamed as he shook her hand. Kate knew Anthony’s unfiltered attention could feel like the first rosy streaks of daylight flooding in through an open window. She also realized with a shudder that there was a chance - even under the haze of multiple tequila shots - that Edwina might recognize Anthony as the same man from Home Sweet Home. She couldn’t hear their conversation over the music and quickly got distracted as she was introduced to the rest of his family.

Fran was visiting friends in California this weekend and to her surprise, Kate found herself disappointed and actually invested in how the younger girl’s MBA application process was going. In Fran’s absence, first she met Eloise, another one of Anthony’s sisters. Eloise had looked at Kate curiously, something mischievous glinting in her light blue eyes, before giving her a smile and scooting over so Kate could sit.

Next she met Colin -- another one of Anthony’s younger brothers and his near spitting image -- who gave her a tight hug before immediately pouring her a large pint of beer. Despite the headache she’d been dealing with all day, Kate had been unable to resist clinking their glasses as he smiled at her good naturedly.

Daphne introduced her boyfriend Simon, who was also Anthony’s friend from university. Kate made a mental note to ask Anthony about that later. Simon was tall and almost intimidatingly handsome, but had shook Kate’s hand warmly and told her Daphne wouldn’t shut up about the new friend she’d made. Kate was ninety-percent sure he was just being polite, but she couldn’t deny that she liked hearing it.

After introductions were made, they’d all crowded around the table. Anthony had ended up on the opposite end, but she could feel his gaze on her as Daphne reached for a deck of cards, proclaiming they had to play BS. Kate finally met Anthony’s eyes and felt an irrational pang at his distance across the table as he smiled.

Kate had found herself easing into the laughter around the table. She was grateful for Edwina’s presence next to her as she found her footing, joining in on the teasing and bantering between the siblings and admiring their clear affection for one another. Benedict had suggested subbing in a beer and a shot whenever someone was caught bluffing and everyone had eagerly agreed. She’d met Anthony’s gaze and he’d rolled his eyes and smirked, but gamely joined in when Eloise had caught him bluffing twice in a row. Kate found herself mesmerized by the pulse and constrict of his throat as he tossed his head back, finishing his beer and tequila quickly. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and Kate turned away as she saw Colin glancing her way.

After a few rounds, Colin had suggested a game of pool, claiming that he and Anthony had a score to settle. He’d extended his hand to Kate asking if she wanted to be his partner. Anthony’s eyes had met hers with a challenge and Kate had been powerless to say no. Colin had suggested Edwina play with Anthony and Kate had stifled her laughter, nearly positive her sister had never picked up a pool cue in her life.

Edwina had sidled up to Kate as Anthony and Colin went to get balls and cues.

Kate turned to face her sister. Edwina was holding a beer out for her and Kate took it gratefully, taking a long sip.

“Are we going to talk about how your hot CEO is the same guy you kissed at that random bar?”

“Nope,” Kate replied dryly.

She could feel her sister’s scrutinous gaze, but ignored it.

“No waaaay, that was a coincidence,” her sister said, drawing out the syllables in the way that drove Kate crazy.

“I thought we weren’t talking about it.”

Edwina shrugged, “you said that.”

Kate took another sip, “Believe it or not, it was a coincidence.”

Edwina scoffed, “bullsh*t,”

Kate smirked remembering her shock when Anthony had walked into that conference room with his glasses and his sweater and his coffee mug, looking like he’d seen a ghost as their eyes met.

“You’re just as surprised as I was Eddie,”

Edwina looked buoyed by this information, “You must have had a heart attack,”

Kate took another sip of her drink and replied haughtily, “I was very calm, thank you very much.”

“Sure,” Edwina laughed genuinely and Kate felt a wash of affection for her sister. She noticed the same glittery purple eyeliner she’d worn a few weeks back, pulled out of her purse at the last minute as they’d rushed to get ready. Edwina had grumbled at Kate that she was in her least fun jeans and a simple black tank top, but Kate couldn’t help but think her sister had never looked prettier. She had the urge to throw her arms around her.

“Well I’m obsessed with this family. I want to marry one of them. Or for them to adopt me, whichever one comes first.”

Kate laughed and took a sip of her drink, her attention wandering over to where Anthony and Colin were chatting with the cashier at the rentals desk. Kate’s stomach lurched as Anthony nodded at something the young woman said. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed across his chest showing off a black t-shirt that’d been revealed when he’d yanked off his sweater. Where his hair had been neatly combed back last night, tonight it was unruly, one swoop falling across his forehead. She watched him push it back in vain as it fell against his brows. He smiled. The cashier looked young, maybe even younger than Edwina. Kate watched her do a once over of Anthony and felt the potent acidity of jealousy settle on her skin. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this way.

Kate willed Benedict and Anthony to take the cues and abandon the conversation.

“She’s just being friendly,”

“Who is?”

Edwina rolled her eyes, “the woman you’re staring daggers at right now”

Kate shrugged, trying to do her best impression of nonchalance.

“That’s fine,” she said lamely.

“That’s fine? You didn’t drag me out here in the pouring rain to watch your boy get hit on by some college student.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “please, you’re having a great time.”

“Not the point,”

“He’s not my boy.”

“You’re kidding right? He hasn’t taken his eyes off you since the moment we walked in here.”

She didn’t have a response to that, had felt his gaze on her, had felt the gravitational pull as they orbited each other in the crowded basem*nt. She tore her eyes away from him as the boys paid for the cues and headed back towards the table.

Kate’s smugness at not being paired with Edwina was short lived when Edwina and Anthony beat them soundly in the first game. And the second. Edwina was not good, but Anthony, as Kate should have predicted, was excellent. He had rarely missed a shot. Kate tried to immerse in her conversation with Colin, but found herself fixated on each shot Anthony took-- the way he moved, almost predator-like, staking out his angles, the intensity in his eyes as he lined up a shot, the dexterity of his fingers as he aimed, and the long stretch of his body as he leaned over the table.

Colin, thank god, was also very good.

Unfortunately, just not as good as his brother.

Kate had tried her best to focus. She played quite a bit of pool in college and wasn’t horrible herself, but the combination of Edwina watching her skeptically whenever she as much as looked at Anthony and the heavy weight of Anthony’s eyes on her had thrown off her game. She’d played better.

“Trying to ditch us Kate?” Edwina called as Kate joined them back at the table.

Kate glared at her sister. As if she was contributing anything to her team’s victory.

“It’s okay if you are Sharma,” Anthony added, his eyes dancing, “I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t want to face defeat. Again.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at Anthony. They’d barely talked tonight, hadn’t even been close to touching, and yet, she couldn’t help herself. And neither could he, it seemed.

“You’ll eat your words, Bridgerton.”

Colin laughed as Kate rounded the table closer to where Anthony stood.

“Excuse me,” Kate said as she nodded to the cue ball at the right of Anthony’s hip.

He stepped aside and Kate ignored the smug look on Edwina’s face as her younger sister took a gulp of her drink.

Kate was grateful that she’d worn jeans as she bent low over the green felt tabletop to line up her shot. She shivered slightly as the hem of her sweater rose up, exposing the dip of her lower back. Her eyes flicked up to where Anthony was standing on the other side of the table, both hands wrapped around his cue, his eyes meeting hers. She swallowed, focusing back on the ball.

Kate aimed and shot. Colin let out a low whistle as three balls slotted neatly into opposite pockets.

“Nice one Kate!” Colin cheered.

Anthony raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Nice shot.”

“Thank you,” she said politely, nodding at him as she did her best cosplay of a platonic smile.

Kate rounded the table again, and resisted touching his hand where it rested inches from hers. Kate sunk a second shot and lined up another two before she finally missed. Colin nudged her excitedly and asked where she’d been keeping the pool shark for the last hour.

They went on like this for another twenty minutes, battling Anthony for the final game before Colin finally sank the eight ball with a cheer. It wasn’t as good as beating Anthony and Edwina in a sweep, but it felt triumphant enough and Kate and Colin high-fived and hugged as if they’d won the pool world cup.

Kate volunteered to get the next round of beer, feeling generous in her victory. She breathed a sigh of relief when Anthony said he’d help carry the pitchers and Edwina and Colin headed back to the table.

The jazz band blared as they stood at the bar and ordered, squeezed hip to hip as the crowd pushed them in from both sides. Kate was painfully aware this was the first time all night they’d been away from the watchful eyes of both their siblings .

Anthony turned his face to her, his hips parallel now and canting dangerously close to hers.

“Good game,”

She couldn’t help but smile, feeling a swell of pride. Kate wanted so badly to reach for his hand or run her fingers across his jaw and into his hair and pull him down to kiss her. She wanted to wrap her arm around his waist and hug him, feel the press of his body into hers.

She did none of those things.

“Thanks,” she said instead, biting her lip.

“Kinda came out of nowhere after those first two,” he teased.

“I was just warming up,” she swallowed and looked up at him, “maybe I was a little distracted,” she said and it came out sounding much more flirtatious than she’d meant it to.

Anthony nodded, reaching a hand up to rub his jaw, a thumb running over his bottom lip, “Ah.”

The single syllable shouldn’t have been consequential, but the way he exhaled it had her undone. Kate drummed her fingers on the slightly sticky bar, looking for something to do with her hands. Anything that didn’t involve grabbing for him like they were the only two people in the room.

“I didn’t know you could play pool like that,” he said finally and she was grateful for the steer into neutral territory.

She shrugged, “I could say the same to you.”

They started talking at the same time.

“At Oxford I used to —,”

“Every week at Cambridge we would —,”

They both laughed and Kate wrinkled her nose as she looked up at him, admiring the way his eyes crinkled and flooded with light as he smiled.

A moment slipped between them. She felt her heart refract, a thousand things she wanted to say running through her mind.

“Hi,” she said instead. His eyes drifted over her shoulder before he leaned in a bit closer. Ostensibly, to hear her better.

“Hi,”

“Are you having fun?” Why did I say that she wanted to bang her head on the bar, the comment had seemed so droll.

He looked amused, “are you having fun?”

“You can’t always answer my questions with questions Bridgerton,”

He clicked his tongue and Kate was surprised at his playfulness, “just did,”

“I am having fun,” she acquiesced.

She tried to distract herself, letting her eyes wander to where the bartender was filling their first pitcher.

“I liked beating you at pool.”

“You didn’t beat me,” he said with vehemence, “it was one game.”

Kate smirked, “whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Maybe I let you win, think of that Sharma?” He said, leaning in closer to hear her, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. A half baked thought passed through her mind that this position didn’t look entirely friendly. She couldn’t find it in herself to pull away.

She narrowed her eyes, “You wouldn’t.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, “wouldn’t I?”

They were interrupted as the bartender put one of their pitchers down in front of them, turning back to the keg to fill the second one.

“I like your family,”

Anthony nodded and Kate continued, “Eloise is very smart and full of opinions.”

He laughed and she liked how he turned his face towards hers when he did, “that’s one way of putting it.”

“And Colin is…” Kate paused, tapping her chin as she thought about her assessment of the third Bridgerton, “...he’s funny. Very charming. I like him.”

“I’m glad. I can tell he likes you.”

Anthony’s eyes trailed back to the table where Colin was laughing at something Benedict had just said, clapping him on the back as he did.

He scowled as he turned back to Kate, “maybe a little too much.”

Kate made a face, “You can’t be serious.”

“I mean I wouldn’t hold it against him…”

She shot him a look, “you’re just mad we beat you at pool.”

He shrugged, “maybe a little bit.”

Kate frowned as he continued, a challenge in his voice, “but we’re just friends right?”

“Anthony…”

She pulled back, her eyes searching his, “we’re not just friends.”

“Aren’t we?” He said dryly.

Kate frowned, not liking his apathetic tone, the way his eyes moved from hers as he said it.

Kate shook her head, putting her hand on the bar, reaching her pinky finger to touch his. She didn’t risk leaning in closer to him like she wanted to, but instead looked at him straight in the eyes. He looked torn and it felt like an eternity before he wrapped his pinkie around hers.

“Can we get out of here?” she asked, and it came out smaller than she intended.

She saw the surprise cross his face, “now?”

Kate nodded. Suddenly the need to be alone with him -- to be out of this bar, to be just the two of them -- was too great to be ignored.

Anthony’s eyes wandered over to their siblings who didn’t appear to be missing them. Edwina was deep in conversation with Daphne and the rest of them were starting to set up a game of what looked like Kings Cup, except with a full pint of beer in the middle.

“What if Colin needs his partner for another round?”

Kate could barely hear him over the music, but she shook her head. She leaned up closer to his ear. In the cacophonous room, everything she said to him felt illicit.

“I don’t care,” she admitted, “I came here for you.”

The same crinkle in his eyes appeared as he smiled.

Anthony was about to respond, when he was cut off as Benedict sidled up to them, saying that he’d been sent to procure a tequila shot for a bet Eloise had just lost. The spell broke, as Benedict leaned on the bar between them. The bartender plunked the second pitcher down in front of them amidst Benedict’s chatter.

Benedict’s shot arrived and they each grabbed a pitcher. Kate started to follow Benedict as he weaved back through the crowd, but felt a hand on her arm. Anthony met her eyes and nodded. Kate somehow knew just what he meant.

They approached the table with a blur of mumbled excuses as they deposited the beers as a peace offering. Kate said something about not feeling great and grabbing the train home. Edwina had offered to leave with her just as Anthony chimed in that he could walk her before heading home himself. None of their siblings seemed to be surprised by this news and waved them off, although she did see a few suspicious glances thrown their direction as they grabbed their jackets.

Kate nearly tripped as she followed Anthony up the stairs. It was still pouring as they pushed the door open and the cool air was a welcome respite. The awning they stood under was unsubstantial and Kate could feel the reverberations of the rain on her cheeks. She shifted her weight as she glanced over at Anthony working to get the umbrella open. He looked up and something that looked suspiciously like shyness crossed his face.

The walk to his town house was quiet. The rain spoke for them, punctuating the silence with a roar as it assaulted the trees on Hudson Street. Kate looped her arm around his as he held the umbrella over their heads. There was a heaviness between them. A question that needed answering. It could have been ten blocks or two as Anthony fumbled with the umbrella as he unlocked his front door.

Kate followed him into the hallway as they both took off their jackets. It was a welcome distraction to unbutton her coat slowly, watching Anthony shrug off his dark green waxed raincoat out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t reach for the lights, instead put the umbrella down and regarded her.

“Can I grab you some water or…?” Anthony trailed off.

Kate shook her head.

The distance gaping between them was not welcome. Kate took a step closer, putting a hand to his chest, feeling the heat of his skin and the rise and fall as he inhaled.

“Anthony.”

His fingers encircled her wrist slowly, almost trancelike.

“I didn’t mean what I said this morning.”

He frowned, “when?”

“At breakfast. I don’t know why I said that.”

Something that looked like embarrassment crossed his face and then disappeared, “Oh Kate, don’t it’s fine--,”

“No it’s not,” she put her other hand flat on his chest and her fingers scratched lightly against his collar bone.

He shook his head, “I get it…I mean I wasn’t expecting this, I understand not wanting to —“

She cut him off again, feeling an urgency she couldn’t quite articulate. Kate gnawed at her lower lip.

“You have to know how I feel about you.”

Anthony shook his head again, his eyes were dark, his pupils nearly indistinguishable in the muted light.

“I don’t,” his eyes scanned her face,“how do you feel about me Kate?”

“You know,” she said, nearly begging him to agree.

“I don’t,” Anthony said instead. His voice was resolute. He put a hand on top of hers, stilling her fingers against his chest.

“I…I…it’s not just sex for me,” she paused, her eyes floating to the wall behind him where the specter of rain was casting rhythmic, hypnotizing shadows.

She met his eyes again, “the sex is… excellent don’t get me wrong.”

Kate blushed as she said it. The ghost of a smile crossed his lips.

“But… ugh,” she let out an exhale, feeling frustrated at herself, “how am I supposed to say this?”

“You don’t have to say anything,”

“No,” she shook her head.

He looked confused, “no?”

“No, I mean, yes. I do…” she breathed out. A beat passed between them, “you’re all I can think about Anthony.”

Kate’s voice sounded alien as she heard it, the honesty of her words terrifying. She heard the frayed desperation seeping out at the edges.

“You’re all I want to think about.”

She tilted her face up towards his, feeling a swirl of hot shame as she did. Kate wished she wasn’t standing here, waiting for him to speak, waiting for him to kiss her — the possibility that he would not, all too present.

“I don’t know if you feel the same way…and you don’t have to and I understand, I just had to say it to you so you know. And it’s fine if you don’t…. I just… I didn’t want you to think that I…that I didn’t…”

She was rambling and she stopped herself as his silence settled over the room like an anvil.

When did this moment become so fraught? When had the stakes elevated until she felt like she might dissolve and disappear if he didn't speak?

Anthony’s hands rubbed at her knuckles, ghosting down the sides of her arms, coming to rest on either side of her waist, spanning her ribs.

“Kate…” he breathed out.

She waited for him to pull away and say Kate it’s too little too late it’s not enough it’s too complicated but instead one of his hands drifted up to cup her neck, his thumb brushing her jaw as he brought his face closer to hers.

“How could I not?”

The words took a second to register and Kate found herself replaying them as his grip tightened against her waist, tugging her gently to him.

She was about to speak, to ask him to say more. To tell her more. She was greedy for his words.

Her question was answered when he brought his lips to hers. When he tilted his lips in a smile against her mouth. It was an answer when his hands spanned her thighs, when he hitched her hips to his, carrying her carefully up the stairs.

Kate felt something unburdened in him as he laid her on the bed. It was in the hungry way he crawled over her, his hands sliding under her sweater as he mumbled against her skin words she could barely understand. There was a heaviness gone from his eyes as he hovered above her, his eyes held on hers. She heard the answer in the way his words tumbled into each other as he told her how it had never felt like this. Not like this. Not ever. Not ever. Not ever. And not again. His words were abstract lines on a smudged page. A stark bell cutting knife like through the pelting rain. An absolution as she lost herself in him.

At this point, it felt impossible not to.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

Newton circled her ankles in excitement as she unlocked her apartment door. Kate balanced her energy drink in one hand and her oversized tote in the other as she shook off her umbrella. She closed the door behind her as she tried - and failed miserably - to avoid getting the Corgi wet. Newton didn’t seem deterred as he made another lap around her feet. Despite the Corgi’s enthusiasm, as Kate flipped on the lights, she felt the palpable sense that something - or someone - was missing.

Kate had spent every night with Anthony since their rainy, vulnerable evening at Cellar Dog. Ten nights in a row. That was longer than she’d slept next to someone consecutively, maybe ever.

Their cadence with each other had lost some of its hesitancy after that Saturday night. Something had shifted -- silently -- but palpably between them. She and Anthony hadn’t defined anything further, but when he’d grabbed an overnight bag and followed her to her apartment on Sunday afternoon it seemed the most natural thing in the world. On Monday, they’d met for burgers at one of Anthony’s favorite dive bars. Kate hadn’t felt shy taking his hand and asking if she could spend the night. His grin over his half finished beer had been answer enough.

It was an addictive feeling - waking up in the morning and feeling like you still hadn’t gotten enough of the person next to you. Kate wasn’t used to it. In her past dalliances, it was usually this time where one of two things happened. Sometimes, she got scared. Felt suffocated. Made excuses and pulled away. But, more often than not, she got bored. So many men were the same. Monotonous in their handsomeness, in their too straight smiles and professionalism and pet names and platitudes. She wasn’t used to this. Of time going on and her feelings intensifying instead of dissipating. Anthony’s presence began to feel more like an inevitability than a question. And she liked that.

She and Anthony had agreed to spend tonight and the following night separately. Six weeks after they’d met, the project was finally coming to a close and Thursday was Kate’s final presentation at Felix.

The following Monday, she was giving her pitch presentation for Partner, essentially going over all the work she’d done this past year. As much as his presence across the room was calming, it could also be distracting and Kate needed to focus. Separating herself by a river, a bridge, and an entire borough felt like a safe bet.

Anthony had been mostly understanding. As if on cue, her phone buzzed in her pocket as she reached down to scratch Newton between the ears.

Anthony: Sure you haven’t changed your mind?

Kate rolled her eyes, but smiled. He understood, but it hadn’t stopped him from a relentless pursuit to change her mind.

Kate wanted to be annoyed but unfortunately, couldn’t conjure a single sincere part of herself that was.

Kate: Pretty sure

Anthony: Pretty sure? So not convinced

Kate: This is good thing

Kate: I need to focus

Anthony: Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself

She was two seconds away from typing I am when another message popped up.

Anthony: but you’re right, the future of my company is at stake here

Kate knew he was joking, but her stomach dipped. Logically, she knew one project wasn’t going to shift the entire strategic direction of Felix, but she couldn’t help but feel a lot was riding on this.

Kate: hilarious

Anthony: i thought so

Anthony: so what do i need to do to get you back over here

Kate: sorry Bridgerton, there’s nothing you can do

Anthony: You want to bet on that

Kate: sexual favors won’t work on me

Anthony: now I know that’s not true

Kate let her mind wind back to a few nights ago in the Felix offices. She’d arrived around four p.m. for one last meeting with the Bridgertons. Kate loved how collaborative the siblings were. They were unlike any other clients she’d worked with. For the first time in a long time she felt valued. Like the Bridgertons were truly seeing her as an equal and not just a second class citizen they’d outsourced work to.

The afternoon had drifted by as they sat around the conference room table talking through some of the details of the launch.. Daphne and Benedict led the meeting talking about UI updates and sales leads and Kate worked hard to keep her attention on them. It was taking all of her willpower not to stare at Anthony across the table. Whenever she looked up it felt like his eyes were on hers. Aside from a smile and a quick brush of their hands as they’d both refilled their coffee mugs, they’d barely interacted. As hard as it was to look away from him, being near him in his office-- in its odd way--was reassuring. She knew how to inhabit this space with him. This place where she’d gotten to know him. Work was easy. It was what she knew how to do.

It was only when Kate had looked up at an inky black sky spilling in from the windows that she realized it was well past eight o’clock. Not late by any means, but both Benedict and Daphne had filed out soon after that. They both had reasonable excuses, Benedict mentioning a club soccer game and Daphne a dinner with friends in Soho she just couldn’t be late for. Kate wasn’t sure if she imagined the siblings exchanging a knowing look as they headed out.

As she said goodbye, Kate had turned her face back to her computer, trying her best to concentrate on the fixes in the model that Benedict had helped point out an hour ago.

She glanced up to see what Anthony was doing and met his eyes over their open laptops. God damn him in those glasses. He was wearing a hunter green sweater and Kate thought it truly wasn’t fair for someone to look so attractive under fluorescent lights.

Anthony smiled at her and then glanced back down at his laptop.

This is an office Kate. Stop objectifying him.

Kate did her best to concentrate, but she couldn’t help but clock each time a light turned off in the surrounding offices. Anthony waved to his employees as they filed out and Kate blushed thinking about how desperate she was to be alone with him.

The elevator doors dinged shut and Kate did her best not to look up. A minute passed by. Then another. Kate heard Anthony stand up and exit the room. She didn’t look up, assuming he was going to the bathroom or grabbing something from his office.

She found herself so caught back up in the numbers that she didn’t notice when Anthony walked back in the room. It was only when his footsteps sounded behind her as walked around the table, did she notice the tension return to the room.

She didn’t look up, but could feel him standing behind her.

Anthony leaned down, a hand on the back of her chair, not even grazing her back. He wasn’t in her personal space. Not close enough to seem inappropriate if anyone walked by. But close enough that Kate felt her skin light up.

She didn’t acknowledge him, training her gaze straight forward, “do you need something?”

Her tone was casual. Breezy almost. It was infuriating, “just seeing how it’s going over here,”

“Going great, thanks,”

“Anything I can help you with?”

Kate closed her eyes for a second, gathering her strength before she responded, “I don’t think so.”

“Really?” his voice was lower now and it sent a bolt of arousal straight through her.

She sucked a breath in before spinning around in her chair to face him. Kate tilted her face up. Why did the simple breadth of him looming above her have her breathless?

She nodded, trying to come back to herself.

“Really.” Kate wished she could push her chair backwards. She was blocked by the table, effectively caged in.

“You just seemed…” his eyes lingered over her body appraisingly, not even trying to hide it, “distracted.”

Kate shrugged, hoping to feign nonchalance. It shouldn’t matter that she’d woken up in his bed this morning, or the day before, or the day before that. When she was in this office, she was a professional. Those were her rules. And she was going to stand by them.

“I’m not,” she shook her head, “I’m just working on the model.”

“Ah,” he just kept staring at her and that look in his eyes was now all too familiar. She felt something hot clench in her stomach.

She couldn’t help it. She pushed him just a little, “seems like you’re the one who’s distracted.”

“Why would you say that?”

Her lips curled into a smile as she glanced over her shoulder to the empty office behind them.

It was pitch black. Kate could see the blinking light of a printer on the far side of the office, the glimmer of the Flatiron building through the trees on the other end of the park. There wasn’t a light on in the empty floor. The office was silent behind them.

“Because you’re over here bothering me.”

Anthony grinned. He looked caught, but not at all guilty.

“Where did you go?”

“Had to grab something from my desk.”

Kate gnawed on her bottom lip lightly and tried to ask casually, “has everyone headed out?”

Anthony smiled. He clearly saw right through her question, but had the decency to pretend he didn’t.

“Seems that way,” he glanced over his shoulder, "I might have checked.”

Kate felt adequately satisfied they were alone. She slipped her foot out of the heel she was wearing, keeping her eyes on him, but sliding her foot up and around his calf slowly. Anthony’s eyes widened in surprise as she urged him a little closer to her.

Anthony stumbled a bit as both his hands came to rest on her chair, his body canting towards hers.

“What are you doing?”

Kate slid her foot up his calf, running it up and down slowly.

“You started it,” she wanted to stick her tongue out, but didn’t have it in herself to tease.

She was instead hypnotized by the blazing set of his eyes against hers, the tight clench of his jaw, the pulse in his throat.

Kate uncrossed her legs and she watched his eyes follow her. His pupils were blown as his eyes drifted to the expanse of skin on display underneath her sheer tights.

“I suppose I did, didn’t I?”

She nodded, “you better be prepared to finish it.”

His eyes darkened as he sank to his knees in front of her. His hands had pushed her skirt up her thighs as his lips caught hers in a searing kiss, his tongue prying her lips open Kate thought she heard him murmur you know I am but it was lost as he swallowed her mouth.

Kate spread her legs and his hands were up around her hips, pulling her tights around her thighs and then halfway down her legs, not bothering to get them all the way off. A swirl of thoughts raged within her. She thought about the dark office. About the large window facing out onto the park for all the city to see. About the lights of the surrounding buildings pressing in against her skin. About how she barely recognized herself, this recklessness she didn’t know she possessed. Kate thought about all of that and then the thoughts were gone as he sank his mouth onto her. He groaned against her and thought she heard him say you’re so wet Kate holy f*ck but she didn’t know what she was hearing and did not care. He did not take his time. It was not slow, not gentle, not gradual as he devoured her, her heels pressing into the carpet behind him as she tried her hardest not to buck her hips against his lips. Kate’s head fell back against the hardwood of the table, one hand reaching for his hair, the other digging into his shoulder.

She had come quickly against his mouth, her body spasming as his fingers spread her open wide, his other hand on her throat, holding her down against the conference room table.

Anthony: Your mind’s in the gutter

Anthony: I meant I’d cook you dinner

Anthony: but if you have something else in mind, I’m sure that could be arranged

Kate: Liar

The dots appeared and disappeared. Kate leaned against her sofa, biting her nail as she typed her response.

Kate: I just got home

She paused. And then finished her sentiment. This was part of her new resolution to try to be more communicative.

Kate: I do wish you were here

His response appeared almost immediately.

Anthony: me too

Kate smiled, feeling the pleasant warmth creep up her chest. She put her phone down to change into something comfier than the tight black pants, sweater and boots she was currently sporting.

Leggings and a sweatshirt were a reprieve. Kate lit a candle, threw water on to boil for the Trader Joe’s tortellini she knew she had waiting in her freezer and pulled her laptop out of her bag, opening it on the kitchen table.

She felt the familiar clench of anxiety as the computer booted up. At this point the model was nearly done and she was just tinkering, but she had a few hours blocked with Miles and Booth tomorrow to go through the accompanying presentation and it never hurt to double check things.

Kate was feeling uneasy about her presentation and her recommendation. Throughout this whole process she’d been committed to staying objective despite her entanglement with Anthony and his siblings. Despite her growing feelings for him. And she had.

She’d originally run into the same issue where the cost of development was going to be too high to rationalize launch. After pouring over the ins and outs of their budget with Daphne, Kate had finally come up with a solution to that and the model and forecast looked to be back on track.

Then they’d hit another snag.

There had been no denying that the focus groups had proven there was demand for the product expansion. People had responded enthusiastically about the idea of an easier checkout process and loyalty perks for their favorite neighborhood restaurants and bars. There was a clear sentiment & understanding the DoorDashs and UberEats of the world were not good for small business and any alternative was welcome.

The problem wasn’t that people didn’t want this, but instead that the margins for independent restaurants and bars were already narrow. To incorporate a piece of software and for some, the accompanying hardware, would be a big dollar hit to an already tight profit these businesses were turning. Kate had factored in the upside and incremental customers that Felix would bring to the businesses simply by being on the app and she still couldn’t find a scenario where there wasn’t a huge risk to launching the product at the size that Felix was at.

It would be incredibly capital intensive and Kate was leaning towards a recommendation that had them pushing out the launch another year or two to ensure that Felix had the liquid capital enough from their other revenue streams to provide a buffer.

She’d gone back and forth with Benedict on it over the last few weeks as they poured over the numbers and he hadn’t argued with her that this was a tough situation. He’d done nothing to pressure her in one direction or another, but despite his unwavering optimism that they’d push through it and they’d done it before she didn’t feel great about where the numbers were.

Kate had been working with Miles for the last few weeks to find a solution that would make the launch profitable and possible, but they’d struggled. After pouring over her numbers, he’d ultimately agreed with her assumptions. As they’d sat down to go over it in one of the shared working spaces in the Strategy& offices - the lights fluorescent, the chairs uncomfortable - he’d seemed disappointed that there wasn’t a solution. She knew Miles was doing the mental calculus of the likelihood that Felix would want to run another project with them when their recommendation was essentially torpedoing what was supposed to be their biggest selling point with investors in the coming year. Where Miles was kind and collaborative, she knew Booth was not and she wasn’t looking forward to reviewing this with him tomorrow.

She rubbed her temples as she stood, hearing the water boiling in the other room for the tortellini. She dumped the pasta in, wincing as the water splashed against her wrist. She set the timer and her mind continued to wander.

Kate had tried to bring this up to Anthony over the last few weeks, but she’d chickened out each time. Either it was too late or too early or not the right time or he’d told her he didn’t want to talk about work before kissing her soundly and it had been far too hard to say no. And now she was in a position where she felt like she was letting him down with her analysis and guilty for not mentioning it to him sooner.

Part of her aversion to telling him was the weight she knew that this launch and the fundraising was putting on him. Last week Kate had woken up in his bed, alone . She’d squinted at her phone to see the time - 3:07am - and she’d padded out of bed, following the dim light peeking out from under the closed door to his office downstairs. She’d opened the door and Anthony had looked up at her, wearing his Cambridge sweatshirt and glasses, his hair a mess. Kate could see the stress etched across his face. She’d sat on the edge of his desk and he’d explained that sometimes he just couldn’t sleep. That it felt like his mind wouldn’t turn off. That even though it was galvanizing to be raising this money, to be launching this new product, to be talking to investors and flying around trying to build the business that there were times where he felt like his head was going to explode. Or that he’d wake up and this would all be a dream. Kate knew those feelings well. Hypothetically that could have been a good time to tell him, but she just couldn’t. So instead she hugged him and reached for his hand and tugged him up the stairs where they fell back to sleep together.

She was trying to rationalize that Anthony was an incredibly pragmatic person. He wouldn’t be angry about data-driven results that she had no way to change. He might be angry that you didn’t mention it to him over the last few weeks that tiny voice in her head piped up.

The timer beeped and Kate mindlessly drained the pasta and poured it into a bowl. The rain was still coming down in sheets outside and she felt trapped in her own mistakes. Her phone vibrated on the table in the other room and she glanced at it, feeling her stomach drop. This was feeling more like a mess she didn’t know how to get out of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, any hope Kate had that the Booth was going to take the not-so-good news in stride was shattered as soon as she opened the first slide in the presentation and red, downward arrows peppered the screen.

Kate saw his face tighten as if he had taken a big whiff of hot garbage on a summer day. He’d had the decency not to say anything as she walked through the presentation and she saw him nod along at a few of the places where she’d been able to pull out the upside of the launch.

She, Miles and Booth were sitting in one of Strategy&’s workrooms the next afternoon. The room only fit about four people comfortably. It was nothing compared to the light-filled Felix conference rooms. These rooms were more prison-like, with no windows and chairs with stiff backs and the indistinctive odor of stress. There were about one hundred other places that Kate would rather be right now.

She also hadn’t been in such a contained setting with Booth since he’d made her feel so uncomfortable a few weeks prior. It had been a calculated effort on her part to sit as far away as she possibly could during team meetings and take most of her calls from home. While she had been glad to have the time to prepare for tomorrow, she was regretting it now.

Once she’d wrapped up, Booth had leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head. She did not like the arrogant tilt to his lips.

“Nice job Sharma, very thorough.”

His words were a compliment, but his tone sounded skeptical, “...thank you?”

“You clearly did comprehensive work on this,” he directed his attention at the other man, “you too Miles.”

Miles raised his hands, “Kate really was the lead here. We’ve been working on the story together but it’s all her.”

“In that case…” Booth paused, and his jaw clenched, “maybe Sharma you can tell me what I’m supposed to do with this recommendation?

Miles looked uncertain and Kate felt the same expression play across her face.

“I’m sorry,” she started, “I’m confused what you mean.”

Booth crossed his arms across his chest, “I’m confused too.”

Kate frowned and Booth’s eyes bore into hers, “I’m confused how I’m supposed to go into this meeting tomorrow and tell our clients that not only is their product not viable --”

Kate tried to correct him, “It’s not that it’s not viable, it’s that --”

Booth cut her off with a hand up, “that the product isn’t viable, but that we’re also of the opinion that they shouldn’t launch in 2024. Should I give them a list of other firms to work with to get a better recommendation while I’m at it?”

“I --” Kate tried, but Miles jumped in.

“John, I don’t think the situation is that dire.”

Booth raised an eyebrow, “you don’t?”

“No,” Miles shook his head, “listen Kate had been working really closely with the clients--”

Booth smirked, “I’m sure she has.”

Kate frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“---and they’re aware of the situation, nobody is going to be blindsided.”

“Still, why didn’t you bring this to me earlier?”

Kate didn’t like the conversation about the presentation she had written, happening right in front of her as if she wasn’t in the room.

She tried to jump in, “We’ve been trying to troubleshoot it and find a solution in the model,”

“So you waited until the last minute to mention it?”

Her stomach lurched, “No, I --”

“Kate brought it to me and I didn’t think it needed to be treated like a crisis situation.”

“You didn’t.”

Miles folded his hands together in front of him, “I didn’t.”

Booth shot Miles a look that could only be called withering.

“Miles, can you give me a moment alone with Sharma please?”

“I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“You said she led the project? I’d like to get a chance to hear her perspective on this.”

Please say no please say no. Kate was already unnerved being in the same room with Booth. The last thing she wanted was to sit alone with him in a room with no windows. Especially when she could feel the irritation coming off of him in hot coils.

Miles glanced over at Kate. She thought she heard him say something under his breath before he let out an audible sigh.

“Fine,” Miles stood, nodding at Kate as if he was trying to reassure her before exiting the room.

Kate took a breath in, steeling herself for this conversation.

“Booth, listen, I have been trying my --”

Abruptly, he put a hand up, cutting her off like you would a small child.

“Is there anything else you want to mention to me about the project?”

The way he lingered on the word “else” made a vague nausea rise in Kate’s stomach.

She shook her head, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You don’t,” he said. It was more of an accusation than a question.

“There’s nothing else I can think of that you’d need to know. I know Miles has been keeping you up to date with everything right?”

He nodded. If a snake could smile, she imagined it would have his countenance - a cold tilt to his lips and narrow icy eyes.

“I know about you and Bridgerton.”

Kate felt the words hit her like a semi-truck, “what?”

He looked smug and she continued, desperate to fill the silence, “what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean Kate," her first name sounded foreign from his lips, “you and Bridgerton…whatever it is the two of you are doing.”

“Sir, I don’t think that you --”

He looked at her, amused, “don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“I saw you two together.”

That same facsimile of vehicular impact hit her again. Her chest and her ribs ached,“What?”

“I was having dinner with a client in the West Village last week. I saw the two of you walking by.”

“We were just meeting to talk about the project --,”

“At 10pm?”

She tried to open her mouth but he spoke over her. Kate felt the distinctive keen of the conversation getting away from her.

Booth scoffed, “I saw him kiss you.”

In that moment, Kate wanted to light herself on fire. She clenched her fist under the table, feeling the sharp release of her nails digging into her palm.

It had been a Tuesday. They’d both finished work and instead of going straight to Anthony’s apartment, they’d met for dinner at a tucked away French cafe on West 4th Street. The city felt illicit in shadow. The early darkness was a boon. The spot was the size of a postage stamp and they’d squeezed into a tiny two top, their knees bumping under the table. They’d talked and talked and she’d looked up and it was 10pm and Anthony had pulled her onto the sidewalk after paying the bill. Kate had nearly stumbled on the cobblestones, heady in the cold air, but instead Anthony had caught her and kissed her and she’d kissed him back, feeling unbridled in the dark.

“Sir, I am so sorry, but it’s not what you think.”

Booth’s face was impassive, “no need to be sorry Sharma. It happens.”

“What?” she choked out.

“You think you’re the first person to fool around with a client?”

Kate was speechless for what felt like the third time in this short conversation.

“Ah…I…?”

“It happens all the time.”

“It does?”

“I actually think in this case it’s probably a good thing.”

Kate frowned, “you do?”

“You’ve got more chops than I thought,”

“What do you mean?”

“Clearly you saw the project going badly,” Booth gestured to the presentation still taunting them on the screen behind his head.

“You thought you’d distract him a bit. Take the sting out of these bad numbers,” he said with a chuckle and Kate felt sick to her stomach.

Her face flushed, “no that’s not what --”

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’ve done it. We’ve all done it,” Kate’s jaw slackened but she couldn’t find the decorum to pick it back up, “and I’m sure he’s not complaining.”

“It’s not like that.”

Booth ignored her and leaned forward over the table. Kate shifted in her seat.

“The key here is to keep him happy though. He’s not going to be happy with these numbers. My recommendation? Make them look a little better and sweeten it on the side.”

Kate ignored his second insinuation, “what do you mean make them look better?”

He crossed a leg over his knee and tilted back further. The front legs of the chair hovered off the ground.

Booth shrugged, “whatever assumptions you’re making, just be a little more liberal with them.”

“I can’t change the numbers.”

Booth shrugged, “sure you can.”

Kate gripped the sides of her chair, trying to contend with the maelstrom of panicked sensation rocketing through her.

Booth continued, his words too slippery, “this is the kind of thing that will help us make the partner decision.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’d like to see you prove how dedicated you are to this firm.”

Kate stilled. A moment of silence passed between them. Then another. The only sound was the whir of her computer fan. The distant honk of a horn floors below them.

“The presentation is good. It’s right,” her voice wavered, “I’ve checked it a dozen times.”

“Kate listen,” she bristled again as he used her first name, “I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Clients don’t typically come back to firms who tell them their ideas are bad.”

“I’m not saying they’re bad —“

“They come back to firms who give them the answers that get them what they want.”

Kate swallowed, “I don’t know if I can do that.”

Booth shrugged again and his apathy was more alarming than anything.

“I can’t make you do anything.”

He stood, straightening his suit jacket as he did, “but I’d think about it if I were you.”

“It’s your future here,” he said as he closed his computer and put it into his messenger bag. His eyes once again felt cold on her skin as he looked her up and down.

“Booth, I --” she struggled to get out and stopped herself as he opened the door.

“I’m looking forward to seeing what you put together tomorrow,” he said as he left the room, letting the door shut with a prescient sense of finality behind him.

Kate exhaled into the empty room. Her phone vibrated on the table next to her and Anthony Bridgerton flashed across the screen. For the first time in weeks, she let it ring and ring. Speaking to him right now, felt impossible.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Kate nearly tripped as she followed Miles and Booth into the Felix conference room. She didn’t quite feel in control of her body, likely a consequence of her lack of sleep and the mental summeraults she’d been doing since Booth closed the door behind him last night.

The day had started off poorly and given the decision she’d made early this morning, Kate couldn’t help but think this literal stumble was just a harbinger of worse things to come.

First, she’d sloshed coffee all over her pants as soon as she walked out the door. Forgotten her gloves on maybe the coldest day of the year. Missed the subway. Slipped on the stairs and banged her shin as she raced to get the next one. Ignored the third in a string of multiple texts from Anthony still unreturned from the night before. This one was an innocuous good morning that had sent her into a tailspin.

Kate regained her footing and watched like a spector as Miles and Booth greeted Daphne and Benedict. The light in the conference room was flat as the choked gray sky behind them reflected through the large windows.

Against her own volition, Kate scanned the room behind them. Anthony was dressed more formally today in a charcoal gray suit and burgundy tie. His hair stood straight up and didn’t match his buttoned up appearance. She could imagine him repeatedly running his hand through it as he waited for her response. Kate was expecting to see the bitter twist of annoyance on his face, but all she saw was concern in his eyes.

She looked away from him and could feel his confused frown from across the room. Kate didn’t blame him for being confused. She’d been avoiding him without an explanation.

Last night, she’d sent Anthony a short text saying she wasn’t feeling well and that she’d see him tomorrow. She had then silenced her phone, turned it face down, and paced her apartment, debating what to do.

Newton watched her skeptically from the couch.

If she padded the numbers she’d be lying to Anthony, but she’d make Booth happy and hopefully get one step closer to Partner. If she kept the numbers, she’d be honest with Anthony, but risked Booth blocking her promotion.

It felt like a zero-sum game.

Kate also needed to set aside the fact that Booth had suggested she serve herself up to Anthony on a silver platter as penance for the less than ideal forecast. The thinly veiled insinuation that she was sleeping with Anthony for his proximity to power was stomach turning enough. That her body went along with the firm's professional services fee was even worse.

Her mind was elsewhere as she brushed her teeth, put on boxers and an oversized sweatshirt and crawled into bed. All she could think about was how ironic it was that she’d worried about her professional reputation with Anthony when in reality her boss thought she was just adding another power play to her repertoire.

Was this going on with other teams at the firm? Was she the exception or part of a perverse rule?

By the time Kate flipped the lights out her mind was gyrating back and forth from one bad situation to another at a relentless speed.

Kate found herself waking up in a cold sweat, nightmares of presentations with bleeding numbers and dimly lit conference rooms with padlocks on the doors and Booth standing too close to her, his face bending towards hers in a way that it shouldn’t, clouding her vision.

She’d laid there at 4am, trapped in the liminal space before dawn, feeling like she was being subsumed by the mattress.

Kate managed a small smile before she sat down across from Anthony. She could feel Booth’s eyes on them. Anthony tried to catch her eyes as he mouthed “all good?.”

Kate nodded briskly, but turned away . She concentrated her energy instead firing up the presentation. The anticipation thrummed through her as she began. Her voice felt like it was coming from another body besides her own.

Kate got through the first few slides, letting Miles give some of the context and then offering Booth the opportunity to speak.

She knew his style by now. Booth needed to feel important. She didn’t hear a word he said as she flipped through the slides, but instead watched as the current behind his eyes turned from placid to turbulent.

Kate hadn’t changed the forecast. She couldn’t. As much as she had wanted to. As much as it seemed like the easy way out.

The real numbers, sanguine across the slides, were projected up on the big screen for everyone to see. There was nothing Booth could do without making a fool of himself and the entire team.

Kate glanced at Anthony, but tried to keep her eyes on the other two Bridgertons as she presented. Daphne crossed her legs neatly and nodded as Kate spoke. Benedict tapped his pen, jotting notes vigorously on his pad. Anthony’s face was expressionless as he leaned back in his chair. It was impossible to read him. For the first time his glasses felt like a barrier between them.

Kate felt weightless as she wrapped up the presentation. She could tell that Booth was simmering, clearly angry that she’d done the exact opposite of what he’d asked for.

“Sharma, maybe let me jump in here for a second --”, he tried to cut her off and she knew he was trying to do damage control before the Bridgertons responded.

Her ears rushed, her heart a sickening thump in her temples as she heard Daphne say something along the lines of “this is exactly why we do projects like this, why we do research it’s so important” and Benedict agreeing saying it made sense they would need more time.

Anthony hadn’t spoken yet, but she felt his gaze on her. She watched him as if she was underwater.

Benedict put a hand on Anthony’s shoulder and asked him what he thought. Anthony looked pulled from a trance as he turned to his brother.

He said something and then turned to Kate, “Thank you for your objectivity and transparency here Kate” his tone was perfectly even, but somehow it felt devastating, “we all really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” she heard herself say.

The conversation bubbled around her. Kate heard Daphne say they’d just adjust their timeline and that there were other projects they could divert the funds to. Anthony pinched the bridge of his nose, but agreed. She felt like she might pass out from the combination of anxiety and his glare across the table. At this point, escaping in an ambulance felt preferable.

And then, somehow, it was over.

Kate watched Booth head straight for Anthony as closed her computer. She talked to Benedict and tried to pretend not to be absolutely transfixed by the conversation on the other side of the room.

She couldn’t make out the words, but watched as Booth glanced over at her and then clapped Anthony on the shoulder in that “attaboy” kind of way that she hated. Anthony’s eyes traveled across hers as Booth spoke and Kate’s stomach plummeted.

She looked away, said goodbye to the other Bridgertons and gathered her things, trying to make a quick exit out of the room. Cowardly as it was, Kate would do anything to avoid the conversation she knew she and Anthony would have later.

Miles followed her and she breathed a sigh of relief for the cover as they got to the elevator.

The doors opened and Kate stepped in, but stopped when she heard footsteps behind her.

“Hold the elevator!” Anthony looked stricken as Booth followed behind him. “Kate, can I grab you for a sec?”

Miles looked at her expectantly.

“I was hoping we could go over the numbers one more time if you don’t mind?”

“I do have another meet--” that wasn’t a lie, but Miles jumped in.

“I can cover for you with the other client Kate, all good,” he smiled at Anthony kindly, “we want to make sure Anthony has what he needs.”

There wasn’t really anything to argue about and Kate stepped out of the elevator. Booth slid past her, smiling at her smugly as the doors chimed closed and left them standing there.

Anthony shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked anywhere but at her.

It had been weeks since Kate had felt anxious in his presence. These weren’t the butterflies she got when he rang her apartment door. She shifted her weight between her feet.

“Let me just start by saying --,” he cut her off.

“Why don’t we talk in my office?

Kate frowned, but agreed and followed him silently down the hall.

There was a cordiality his tone that she’d heard before, but not with her. Not lately.

Anthony pushed open a heavy wooden door.

His office was all sweeping views as if Manhattan was in the room with them. She recognized a photo of his sisters on one of the walls.

Anthony walked behind his desk. He turned away from her, contemplating the skyline. He leaned both his hands on the back of his leather chair and hung his head.

“Are you okay?” she tried. The silence felt untenable.

“Were you just going to leave without even saying hello to me?”

He sounded hurt. Kate shook her head, “I said hello.”

He sighed. It sounded defeated, “you didn’t.”

Kate took a step closer towards him, resting a hand on the lip of his desk.

“You’re right I’m sorry,” she shook her head.

“I was nervous about the presentation to be honest…” she paused,“I get if you’re upset about the forecast.”

“I’m not upset about the forecast,”

“You aren’t?”

He shook his head, “It would have been nice to have some heads up that the numbers weren’t great, but I know you can’t control the results.”

Kate exhaled, “I don’t want you to think that I was trying to hide it from you.”

“No, no,” He ran a hand over his hair, “I understand keeping the professional boundary with me…I probably would have done the same thing.”

Kate nodded. There was a stillness in the room she didn’t like. As if there was still more he was leaving unsaid. Kate tugged at her braid, needing something to do with her hands.

“Did you want to go over the slides again?”

Anthony laughed and the sound was hollow, “no.”

Kate took another step towards him, putting a hand on his forearm. She tried to get him to look at her.

Anthony’s eyes followed her hand as if he was confused to see it there. He pulled his arm carefully away from under her fingers. Kate felt the space between them like a wound.

“You seem…” she trailed off and started again. “maybe this isn’t the best time to talk about this? I can just go and we can talk later…or tomorrow…”

“Yeah maybe?” Anthony rubbed the back of his neck.

Kate shrugged, hitching her bag farther over her shoulder, “Ok,”

“John did say something else to me,” Kate flinched at Booth’s first name.

“What did he say?”

“Nevermind,”

“Just say it,”

“It’s nothing,” Anthony shook his head, “I shouldn’t have mentioned anything.”

“You’re freaking me out now Anthony,” she hated how pleading her voice sounded.

Anthony chewed at the side of his cheek, “He just said how happy he was that you and I had such a ‘good time together’ over the past couple of months.”

Anthony made air quotes and Kate frowned.

“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.”

He paused, “He said that he knew you’d be perfect for this project since you’d worked extremely closely with similar clients before.”

The allusion was thinly veiled. Kate felt nauseous, “is that it?”

“No. He said he was so happy when you agreed to work with me,” Anthony rubbed a hand over his chin, his lip and she could tell he was recalling Booth’s words, “ and that hopefully what you were able to provide… took the sting out of the less than stellar results,”

“I can’t believe he said that to you,” Kate looked over his shoulder, trying to ground herself, “I’m so sorry, it’s so inappro--,”

He cut her off, “What did he mean by you agreeing to it?”

Kate was taken aback by the question. Booth’s exaggeration was so far-fetched that she wasn’t expecting Anthony to ask follow-ups, “what?”

“Or about working closely with similar clients?”

“I don’t know what he means, I’m assuming he just means because I usually work in tech? I didn’t ‘agree’ to anything. Daphne brought the project to me, not Booth.”

Anthony nodded slowly as if he was taking in the information. His eyes seemed heavy as he regarded her. The beats moved between them, the seconds between her words and his opening what felt like a chasm.

“Is this real? Between us?”

Kate’s eyes widened. She wasn’t used to this bluntness from him, “of course it is, what are you talking about?”

“He just made it sound like you both had planned it…or something....”

“Planned what Anthony?”

Kate needed him to say it, because the insinuation he was making was causing her stomach to roil and she needed to be sure.

“Sleeping with me.”

“Are you kidding?”

He shook his head. Kate’s eyes narrowed and she folded her arms across her chest.

“I shouldn’t even have to answer this,” the look in his eyes said she did, “but of course not. Of course we didn’t. Booth didn’t even know,”

“How did he find out if you didn’t tell him?”

“I mean I told him, but it was just because he--”

“Christ, Kate,” he swore, “You told me not to tell anyone and I respected that because I thought you wanted to be professional.”

“I did! I do!”

“I admired how hard you were working for your promotion, but now I find out you’re just talking about it in the office--”

“Anthony, we didn’t,” she said with vehemence, feeling her defenses rising, trying not to let things escalate, “I mean I didn’t, I don’t know what Booth is doing.”

He leaned against the back of the desk, exhaling before his next words.

“Why did you ignore me last night?”

“I wasn’t ignoring you,”

The disappointment wandered across his face.

“Fine,” Anthony said with resignation.

“Fine?”

He shrugged. Kate felt the headache from the emotions ricocheting like buckshot inside her skull. Frustration burned at her eyes.

“Why are you being this way?”

He sighed, “you’ve kept me at an arm's length this whole time Kate.”

There was no retort to that. He wasn’t wrong. She gnawed at her lip. Her eyes traveled behind him, watching a helicopter circle in the distance.

Kate’s body tensed as his next words.

“Have you slept with a client before?”

His words were a dagger. Her thoughts alchemized, making the brutal shift from panic to the hedonistic rush of anger. Anger was easier. Anger she could do.

“Are you serious?”

“I’m very serious.”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that.”

Anthony rubbed at the back of his neck, almost like he was uncomfortable with what he was asking. He should be she seethed.

“I just need to hear you say it.”

Kate had never seen him like this, the vein in his temple pulsing, his jaw clenched. She’d be concerned if she wasn’t already seeing his face through crimson.

“Are you f*cking kidding me?”

She took a step forward towards him. She’d been cowering behind the chair, her guilt cocooning her, but the anger was liberating. Kate uncrossed her arms, dropping her bag next to his desk as she closed the gap between them.

“You just need to hear me say it?”

Kate didn’t miss the way Anthony tensed as she joined him to stand behind his desk. He nodded.

“I’m so glad you asked,” she started, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “I do usually f*ck ALL my clients.”

This time it was his turn to flinch as she cursed. He took a step back, but she followed, “in grad school, I actually learned how helpful it can be. I slept with all my professors, obviously… did Booth mention that too?”

“Kate --” he tried, but she stopped him, the hot anger at his accusation coursing through her. It was impossible to stop. She couldn’t.

“What do you want to hear Anthony? That I’ve gotten on my knees for every one of my clients?”

Her face was close to his now. She lifted a hand to the lapel of his jacket, hoping it didn’t look as desperate as she felt. That it wasn’t abundantly clear that she needed her hands on him to tether herself.

Kate glared, “that I’ve let them touch me the way you did? That it felt so good I don’t even regret it?”

She felt his breath tighten where her fingers brushed his chest and god damnit she was angry with him, but she wanted to kiss him.

She tilted her chin up defiantly. She wanted to push him. To make him hurt, “that you weren’t the first one to spread me open on a conference room table and make me scream?”

It was as if something uncoiled in both of them as she spat out the words. They reached for each other and she got to him first, hand on the nape of his neck, pulling his lips down to hers. It wasn’t kind or soft. His mouth bruised against hers, pushing her lips open with his tongue. His hands were in her hair, yanking her head back sharply to kiss down her throat. He sucked at the skin at the base of her neck. He nipped at her jaw. She could feel the bruises forming on her skin. She couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips.

Kate didn’t want to give that to him right now. The validation that the opposite of her words were true. That no one had made her feel like he did.

Instead, she hissed in his ear as bit at her neck, “I usually don’t let it get this far though, so you can consider yourself lucky.”

Anthony reacted to her harsh words. He hands tightened on her, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip punishingly. One hand reached to squeeze her ass, the other pulling at the buttons on her shirt. She felt the cool air on her stomach as he succeeded and a hand spanned her waist. The other reached up to trace the outline of her bra, dipping in to play with her nipple.

Her mind was not her own as she shoved his suit jacket off his shoulders. She was so angry at him and yet she wanted to consume him. She couldn’t get enough. Kate twined her hands in his hair, pressed her hips toward him with a whine she knew undermined her apathy.

Anthony’s hands went back to her ass, lifting her roughly onto his desk. Kate wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer so they were flush together. She nearly cried out as he thrust against her. The room was silent except for her desperation.

It felt so damn good as he shoved her down onto the desk -- not gently -- her back slamming into the side. Any space between them felt like too much.

As grasped to pull him down on top of her, her elbow jostled a marble pen cup behind her. It landed with a clatter. Pens splayed across the floor.

The sound was a kill switch.

Kate was all too aware of the silence in the room, of their pants and gasps and how angry she was. She pushed Anthony off of her, scrambling to cover herself, even though he’d seen her more naked than this a dozen times before.

The shame rose in her chest first and then spread across throat. Her cheeks burned as she pulled her skirt down from where it was hiked obscenely around her hips. Her blouse was unbuttoned and her pale pink bra was on display. She felt the shame rise higher in her, choking her.

What was she doing? What had she been doing this whole time?

She’d told herself that getting involved with a client was somehow so far below her, but here she was half naked and breathless with the first handsome and half-way decent man she’d worked with. The burning humiliation that he’d essentially called her a whor* floated in the room and settled on her shoulders.

“Kate, I --,”

“Don’t --,”

Her eyes prickled with tears. She knew she had thirty seconds before she was a mess. The indignity of that might break her.

“Kate please,” Anthony reached for her and she winced. She could see the same concern in his eyes as she’d seen an hour ago in the conference room, but this time she felt nothing but hot frustration and anger and embarrassment when she looked at him.

Kate looked up at him. For the first time ever, she felt small, “can I go please?”

Anthony looked so sad in that moment. She wanted to reach for him, but couldn’t, “you don’t need to ask me if you can Kate.”

Kate turned before she had the chance to change her mind. She stopped at her hand on the knob, taking a breath and steadying herself before she opened it, slipping out quietly.

Kate waited until she got across the floor, until she was in the elevator, until she got out of the building and walked across the street to her favorite bench, to cry.

Once she started, suddenly, it felt impossible to stop.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

Kate shouldn’t have been surprised when she made her presentation for Partner on Monday and felt empty.

She’d imagined the moment a dozen times before. She was going to wear a simple pale blue dress that buttoned down the back. Her favorite pair of gold hoop earrings. She’d imagined the swelling confidence of being overly prepared. The faces of the rest of the Senior Managers in their gray suits and identical haircuts as she proved them all wrong. She thought of the self indulgent smugness she’d wanted to feel, meeting their cold eyes. Kate dreamed of the relief of receiving good news.

Instead, she’d pulled on a blazer and a pair of nondescript earrings as an afterthought. Kate hadn’t been able to meet Booth’s eyes during the presentation and no part of her had wanted to. She couldn’t find it in herself to care either. Everything she had worked for during her MBA. All of the bullsh*t she’d endured. Sexist comments and slightly racist comments and microaggressions and late nights and early mornings and canceled vacations were supposed to be worth it. Instead she felt hollowed out.

It felt impossible to carry on knowing what Booth thought of her. Knowing that he could make those same comments on the next project. Or the one after that. It was a hot rush of shame all over again every time she thought about it. And yet instead of feeling angry, she felt empty,

Kate made two phone calls on Tuesday morning. She was on autopilot sitting at her kitchen table. The first one should have been the harder one to make. It was easier. She had already stayed up nearly all night with an open email message blinking on her screen. Kate had been afraid to hit send.

The resignation letter was the first step sent to both Booth’s email as well as their head of HR. When she hit Booth’s voicemail at exactly 7:59 a.m. she was relieved. Her voicemail was exactly 27 seconds long. It was shocking how little time it took to dismantle two years of work.

The second call was harder. She dialed Anthony’s number at exactly 8:01am. It rang six times before he picked up.

As she listened to the dial tone she thought about how radically different things had been just a week ago.

She’d been working late at the office, trying desperately to balance the new project she’d just kicked off with wrapping things with Felix. 10p.m. had rolled around without ceremony and with a growl of her stomach she realized she hadn’t eaten more than a few handfuls of granola and an energy bar in the last couple hours. The finish line she’d been working towards kept creeping later and later and she’d forgotten she was hungry.

Kate had thrown her laptop into her bag and tried to ignore the dim sadness of the one remaining fluorescent light in the office. The cleaning crew was emptying trash cans on her floor. The last man standing had headphones on and at least seemed to be enjoying whatever he was listening to. It made her smile, just a little bit.

Kate was expecting cold air and the relief it brought after a day indoors as she pushed open the revolving door. She was expecting the stark darkness that felt anachronistic after a day, a week, a lifetime of screens.

She was not expecting Anthony on the sidewalk at the bottom of the stairs. He held what looked suspiciously like a bag of takeout. His breath puffed out in front of him in the cold air and his scarf was wrapped tightly around his neck. The tips of his ears were pink.

She was far too exhausted not to let the surprise scrawl itself across her face, but the surprise quickly turned into a smile. Kate beamed, unable to even feign that she wasn’t happy to see him.

“Finally,” he said in mock exasperation.

Kate took a few steps down the stairs until she was standing directly above him. She looked at her watch as if it would remind her of something she must have forgotten, “did I forget we were meeting?”

He laughed, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her gently off the steps into a hug. As much as she wanted to be frustrated at him for showing up at her office unannounced - where anyone could see them - the sturdiness of his arms around her outweighed any of those reactions.

“No, I was working late too. I’m in the neighborhood you know,” he lifted the bag in his hand as he pulled away to see her face, “I thought you might be hungry.”

Kate’s spirit soared at the confirmation that it was indeed food in the bag, “you thought right,”

“What did you bring?” she reached to grab for the bag, but Anthony pulled it out of her reach playfully.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,”

Kate arched an eyebrow, “if there’s dumplings in that bag, it might be love.”

He clicked his tongue, “it’s Pad Thai… should I assume you don’t want it then?”

Kate wrinkled her nose and leaned in to kiss him and then tucked her face into his shoulder.

“I want it,” she mumbled, pressed against his neck.

“Are you sure?”

She surprised herself as her arms snaked around his waist under his coat. Her fingers were cold and she snuggled them against the soft seams of his sweater.

“Yes,” she murmured against his collar, “very sure.”

He chuckled as he put a hand on her hair, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, “are we still talking about pad thai?”

Kate grinned, raising her eyebrows delicately at him. “Of course, what else would we be talking about?”

Anthony shook his head and Kate found herself winding a hand behind his neck, into his hair as she pulled his lips to hers again.

“You’re a menace, you know that?”

She shrugged, murmured against his lips, “your menace though.”

And he laughed and a hand snuck under her coat, pulling her body flush to his. Kate knew she was being reckless kissing him on the sidewalk where she worked. She knew that anyone could see them. But she also knew that it was 10 o’clock at night and Broadway was a ghost of its former peak workday self. The fast casual lunch spots were dark, chairs flipped on tables and the ghost of fluorescent lights saying things like “but first coffee” and “salad >” glowed eerily behind them. Abandoned CitiBike docks stood like vertebrae. The specter of a tightly contained nine to five hung over them. This neighborhood was deserted past eight o’clock and it afforded her what might be a false sense of anonymity.

She scrunched up her nose as she pulled away, blushing a bit as she met his eyes. Blushing at the words she was not saying. At the fact that it had been so long since she had let herself be excited to see someone. That she couldn’t remember the last time she’d left work so late and had someone waiting for her. The answer to that last one might have been never.

The juxtaposition of hearing his voice over the other end of the phone was a douse of cold water on the memory. How was it that at the same time she was dreading this conversation she finally felt like she could breath again?

“Kate,” he sounded a little out of breath. Relieved maybe.

It was true that after the disaster in his office on Thursday he’d called her incessantly that evening. Texted her all Friday. Kate can we talk?. Called again on Saturday. The texts had taken on an increasingly desperate tone. I need to talk to you. Please call me back Kate. She had skimmed them, muted her phone, and not called him back.

She felt bowled over hearing his voice on the other end of the phone. The seconds slid by.

“Hi,” Kate finally breathed out. She wasn’t sure where to begin.

“Hi,”

“I’m so glad you called.”

“Are you?”

He paused on the other end of the phone. Kate thought she could hear the sounds of the subway ricocheting on its tracks behind him. She wondered if he was on his way to work.

“What? Of course, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days,”

“I know.” She paused, breathed in, “I didn’t really want to talk to you.”

“That’s fair,” he paused, “I was an ass.”

Kate felt the twinge of a smile on her lips, but pushed it down. Falling into their usual easy banter was not why she had called.

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence. Anthony filled it quickly.

“I need to apologize,”

“You don’t need to do anything,”

“I do. I’m so sorry Kate, I --,”

Kate shook her head, “Please don’t.”

There was a sharpness to her words that seemed to chastise him. He was silent.

She looked down at her notes. It was funny to prepare for a personal conversation like this, but she didn’t trust herself to get the words out otherwise.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” she took a breath in, “about what you said on Thursday,”

“What did I say?”

“You asked whether this was real or not between us.”

“I was upset about everything,” she heard him inhale, “ I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Maybe you were right,”

“What?” she heard the scuffle of people behind him, “I didn’t mean any of it Kate,” he said again as if saying it multiple times would make it true.

She glanced outside and it felt like his words were reaching her from far away.

A squirrel skittered across her windowsill. She wanted to believe him, but all the experience she’d had told her not to. Losing people. Surviving as a woman in a sea of men threatening to drown her at every turn. Everything she’d heard. It felt like an impossible task.

“The project is over…” she paused and steeled herself, “...I think it probably makes sense that this is over between us too.”

“What?” he sounded genuinely startled.

Kate frowned, “why do you sound so confused?”

“I wasn’t trying to end things.”

“You weren’t?”

“No I… it was my own issue. There’s a lot of things I haven’t told you and I….” He paused as if he was running over the words as they came out, “I was angry…it wasn’t you Kate, I shouldn’t have…”

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Anthony,”

“I do,”

“I think…” she paused, chewing on her bottom lip, “I think this was a mistake.”

“A mistake,” he repeated back. The words were flat.

“I got too distracted. I should have been focused on work. I know the forecast thing was a mess and I --,”

He cut her off. He sounded just the slightest bit exasperated, “Kate I don’t care about the forecast,”

She ignored him. Her notes were blurring together on the page as she held back tears. She was unable to stop, “I got caught up, but it never should have happened.”

As Kate said it she considered if knowing what she knew now, she could rewind back two months would she have made different choices? Would she have left him alone in the club? Would she not kiss him out of stubbornness and pride and unchecked desire? Would she have pretended not to remember him in that conference room the next week? It felt like a lie to say yes to any of those things.

Anthony didn’t respond at first. It felt like a minute passed. Maybe it had been ten. Maybe one hundred. She knew he was likely less than three miles away, but they felt worlds apart.

“Is this about making partner? Did something happen?”

“No,” she said quickly. It was partially true and partially a lie.

If none of this had happened, if she hadn't ever met him, she probably would have been celebrating right now with her friends. She probably would have been texting Ryan, making plans to meet up for a night of slightly drunken, but mostly satisfying sex. She would have been sitting on her pile of metaphorical gold, getting ready to pay off her student loans. She would have been awash in relief. Instead, she was sitting here about to be unemployed, feeling a dark wash of apathy flow over her as she thought about the firm she’d spent the last two years of her life at. If she’d worked harder,if she hadn’t gotten as distracted, none of this would have happened. She would have never had to face Booth or hear him say those things to her or realize what the actual culture was like at Strategy&. After all her work, she felt disgusted at herself. How could she have let this happen? Getting distracted by someone who had ended up just like every other self centered man she’d ever had the misfortune of knowing. Every man who was entitled and so sure he knew so much more about the world than she did.

“If that’s how you feel.”

“It is,”

“Okay,” he sounded sadder in those two syllables than she’d ever heard him.

“I think it’s just simpler this way,”

“Simpler? Is that what you want?”

Kate didn’t answer and the silence stretched between them.

“Where are you Kate? Can I see you?”

She didn’t respond and he continued.

“Are you at work? I can come there and we can talk,” his words were running into each other in a way that Kate wasn’t used to hearing from him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,”

“No, no you’re right. sh*t,” she could imagine him running a hand over his unruly hair and the fond image felt physically painful, “I can come over after work?”

“I need to go.”

“Kate, please,” her name sounded like a plea, “I’ll come over and we can figure this out.”

“Please don’t.”

“Kate—,”

“If you care about me, please don’t.”

“If I care about you? What are you talking about? Of course I care about you.”

“I have to go,” she repeated quietly. There was silence on the other side of the phone.

“Kate I --,” he started again and she pressed the end button before he had the chance to say more.

She wished she could sit here on the phone, in limbo, all day. She didn’t want it to end. And yet, after everything, the words were all too hard to hear.